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  #21  
Old 12-16-2011, 03:35 PM
blitzbaby3 blitzbaby3 is offline
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It is helpful. I want to step away, need to. It's just hard. That sounds horrible. Is there anyone's story posted where they walked away from such a relationship? I'd love to read it and connect.
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  #22  
Old 12-16-2011, 03:39 PM
blitzbaby3 blitzbaby3 is offline
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I, upon father's insistence, am going to talk to military recruiters tomorrow. He thinks it'd be good to show me options, such as being able to go abroad, teach me more discipline, finish my education. I'm not so sure this is what I'd want. I have been planning on going backpacking, but all this craziness felt like it took over. It did. All of my attention is/was on it. I'll keep writing. I have so much to say. So much has happened.
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  #23  
Old 12-16-2011, 03:41 PM
blitzbaby3 blitzbaby3 is offline
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Two of my closest friends reached out yesterday after posting. I don't feel so alone. The advice is also making me feel better, not sure how much I can follow through. I decided a while, quite a while ago, that I was for certain going backpacking. I think I'll talk to mom and dad still for more options, such as transferring from work here to there with mom. Or the military. I'm still pretty sure I'm going to go backpacking though.
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  #24  
Old 12-16-2011, 04:10 PM
blitzbaby3 blitzbaby3 is offline
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... It was so very sweet and innocent. I hadn't felt good like that in awhile. On the way back to my house a couple hours later he tried to hold my hand. I said I couldn't I had L. And he had a girlfriend/ex-girlfriend thingy. He wished he had me....continued just to finish it...


We hit off very well and planned on hanging out more. A few days later I texted him asking if I could come over, and that I needed a place to sleep before work because my family was home and very loud. He said it'd be okay. I drove there, 20 miles north of where I currently lived. He let me in. I was so impressed with all of his things. We talked and looked at all his things. I asked him about alot of it. We shared so many interests. I asked if I could lay down. He said it'd be fine. I laid in his bed as he sat beside me and started a movie to help me sleep. Super (title). I asked him to hold me. He did. He got excited I could feel. He apologized. I told him not to. We kissed. We had sex. This was a mistake. I wasn't completely broken up with L. We were not talking and I didn't know exactly where we stood.

I liked T by this time a lot. This is no excuse. I'm not defending my actions. I was in the wrong.

We had sex multiple times. That one day. I went to work. He made me so happy.
I don't remember much. I think we kept hanging out that week. We kept having sex. L and I didn't talk. We had so much sex I got a uti. Sex with him was pure bliss. He's very gracious. L wasn't so much. Sex with L hadn't felt right in about a year and we stopped having sex several months previous to me and T meeting.

We did this a couple weeks. I finally broke up with L.

During this time, B messaged me on FB informing me of her existence and that she was with T.
She actually had messaged me when T first added me on FB. She said she was with him and I needed to leave him alone. Now he didn't say exactly what their relationship was like, but I didn't push to find out. I just told him the past didn't matter if the present was happy.

He said they weren't really together because she had left. He did leave out though that he was sending her presents and love. He still said he loved her everyday. I didn't know this. I didn't push. I thought, from what I had collected, that she was probably just jealous and upset he was getting over her. She had left him, was my whole basis for a lot of things. She left and was dating a female. Intimately.
So I took what she first said with a big grain of salt.

I wanted to be his friend without her having say. It was his life. I told her we were just friends. We were at this point.
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Last edited by blitzbaby3; 12-16-2011 at 04:22 PM. Reason: Added in and fixed a time error
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  #25  
Old 12-16-2011, 04:26 PM
blitzbaby3 blitzbaby3 is offline
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A few days later though is the time we first had sex...
getting sleepy will write more some time later today
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  #26  
Old 12-20-2011, 04:04 AM
caragh87 caragh87 is offline
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I can relate to the feeling of just not knowing.
And being "sucked in"

Even though you know your making a choice.. you feel trapped and held there.
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  #27  
Old 12-22-2011, 01:08 AM
km34 km34 is offline
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How is everything going?? I hope you're doing well!
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  #28  
Old 12-23-2011, 09:51 AM
blitzbaby3 blitzbaby3 is offline
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I'm okay Better actually... more has developed!!! I realize how jumbled everything is.
1. I work overnights and can only get the computer after I've worked an 8-9 shift so I'm tired.
2. So much has happened!
3. My mind races with a million things to say and I have slow hands
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  #29  
Old 12-23-2011, 10:17 AM
blitzbaby3 blitzbaby3 is offline
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We had sex multiple times. That one day. I went to work. He made me so happy.
I don't remember much. I think we kept hanging out that week. We kept having sex. L and I didn't talk. We had so much sex I got a uti. Sex with him was pure bliss. He's very gracious. L wasn't so much. Sex with L hadn't felt right in about a year and we stopped having sex several months previous to me and T meeting.






So anyways during the couple weeks where I was cheating (hate admitting), L and I didn't talk other than arguing.
And I realized I had now really developed feelings for T.
(I remember leaving his house one night. I had this feeling bubbling up and I finally got the nerve to tell him. So I'm hugging him and say, "I think I'm falling for you." He pulls me away and looks me in the eye. I'm so very afraid he'll say something bad. Instead I ask, "Is that okay?" He smiles, looks me in the eye still, and says, "That's wonderful". And pulls me into him.)
So I decided to end things, plus it wasn't fair to him.
So I broke up with him. He was upset, but he was so sure it was like the other times where we'd get back together. After a week we hadn't gotten back together. I encouraged him to hang with his coworker Mike. He did. Mike is 29. L just turned 19. Mike is chauvinistic. He is single. His advice was for L to fuck anyone and everyone. And to double wrap.... Great advice. L and I decided to stay friends. We had been together 4 years and were inseparable (until work) and like twins. It'd be hard to cut our relationship cold turkey. Mike though...

Mike put ideas into L's head. Such as that I was just dragging him along until I could find someone else... So L, after having known me 4 years/knowing almost every nook and cranny of my mind, and Mike only 1 month asks me if that's what I'm doing....! I was so offended and pissed.

This same week L and I were talking. He finally decides to tell me that he had cheated.........
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Last edited by blitzbaby3; 12-23-2011 at 10:27 AM. Reason: Giving out a name :(
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  #30  
Old 12-23-2011, 10:26 AM
blitzbaby3 blitzbaby3 is offline
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I knew at the time he had. I asked him about it. He made me feel so guilty for even thinking it. So I trusted him. I believed him. It happened 1 1/2 years ago. From the way they interacted and how he kept staring at her. I knew it, but after arguing for several hours, he convinced me he hadn't.
The girl was from out of state. She was actually a close mutual friend's cousin....
L made me feel so guilty though. When she was back this past summer I tried so hard to be friendly and we became friends.... She was the first one to comment on his status change from being in a relationship on fb... Didn't say anything to me....
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