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  #41  
Old 11-10-2010, 04:17 PM
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WOW!...I can't say anything else
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  #42  
Old 11-10-2010, 06:21 PM
Fidelia Fidelia is offline
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Wow.

Beautiful.
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  #43  
Old 11-14-2010, 10:37 PM
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A thin façade of denim and leather hides my utter nakedness.
The sound of the fire and their eyes,-smell of winter and sawdust and coal smoke

Nothing but grateful prayer on my lips
Oh, Universe, you really shouldn't have!
No, don't stop-
You are marvelous.

Yes I will come up swinging my big love hammer every time, can't help it

My gut corrects me swiftly when I feel desperate, worried, solitary, not enough

Rewarded when I resolutely hold my center, don't back down, let go.

There is well-made cocoon I find inside where I can choose to rest back and know without deliberation who I am in this moment because I’m not sorry.

Big bolts of tenderness stop the rattling apart of this ambitious structure and hold us to our dreams.
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  #44  
Old 11-15-2010, 12:20 AM
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Lovely love poems
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Love withers under constraint; its very essence is liberty. It is compatible neither with envy, jealousy or fear. It is there most pure, perfect and unlimited when its votaries live in confidence, equality and unreserve. -- Shelley

me: Mags, 59, living with:
miss pixi, 37
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  #45  
Old 11-15-2010, 03:59 AM
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i really like ur poems, inspire me. thanks.
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  #46  
Old 01-06-2011, 05:58 PM
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Default The rarity continues in 2011

I think it's the new year that is causing me to focus on timelines, or maybe it's the fact that momentous occasions continue to rain down on me, ringing my bell hard, and I am in need of a way to pin it all down into a linear image.

About a year and a half ago, I joined this forum. Husband Catfish(CF) and I were fighting our way out of a deep hole we'd been in over the winter. I had moved out for a few months, spoken of divorce, moved back in for a last shot and so very fortunately and with many tears, found a way to see each other clearly again (full version in previous posts).

The opening of our chests to reveal our hearts to each other and our loved ones was, of course, monumental. We just keep getting happier, even as we tackle all the things we’ve always been intimidated by in ourselves and the world around us.

We have been to the mountain, and by god we’re here to tell the story to all the blessed souls that surround us. Plus, we’re going up there again and we’re not fucking scared.

The respect that I feel for CF is sacred. I have never trusted a person. Never. In six years I have learned to see him as he is without my projections of what he should do or be, or give to me, and he is more than beautiful, trustworthy, brave, intelligent. He has taught me so much and I am in love with him forever, bonded in battle and victory.

You should see him fucking sing, oh, that divine husband of mine, tossing his hair, blue eyes a-sparkling- I am the envy of every man and woman we know. Seriously, it’s ridiculous. Furthermore, he is endearingly unaware of his wiles. He is far from satisfied, and I love him for his serenely fierce growing force, among so many other things. He teaches people how to be themselves and doesn't notice...Dang (book).

A year and a half before I joined the forum (2007-08ish), I met Charlie(CH). My life has been a weird art movie ever since. I suppose it always was, but I noticed it then, actually I believe it was Catfish that said those particular words.

CH and I worked at a private art school together, me in the gallery, selling his work, he teaching all manner of metalworking, and I took most of his classes. Staff had 24-hour access to the seriously fine facility, and we did all manner of majical things (book) on and off the clock with metal, sand, paint, flora, firebrick, chalk, wax, paper, and on and on and on. All the time-it was amazing. I had never been in league with such a group of people who did such concrete things with the stirring of their souls. It is important to say that my boss was CH's girlfriend and they lived together. I had a front row seat to the entirety of their relationship from beginning to end. When it did end, CH came to live with CF and me for a couple of months before moving across the country. Concurrent events: I lost my job, I started school, I cheated on CF, I moved out-hmmm. Yeah.

Lots of earth-shaking transition. I will let Charlie tell the tale of his journey abroad if he wishes, but I guess I should spell out that as soon as we met, we were familiar. I mean that in the most profound stretch of the word. He just lit me right up, his ways, his energy. He lights everybody up, no matter who they are. We spent lots of time working together, talking, moving in space around one another. His smell, his eyes, I realized with gravity that I was in love with him one day when I saw him curled up on the floor sleeping.

He lit Catfish up too, and they became friends, especially during the few months CH came to live with us. CF could see my glow on CH, and teasingly, with a smile, got me to admit it once Charlie left. I didn't feel like I was being subtle, but I never told Charlie outright. He was dealing with his own life and we hung on to each other’s hands, brother and sister, over the phone for a long time.

The fact that I was not free to tell Charlie the way he made me feel broke my heart at first. My life was not such that I had any right to tell him, and I’m glad I didn’t. Instead, I loved him by listening, by being there even if he didn’t call for awhile, ready to smile. I loved him by getting to work on the holes in my life that made my attraction to him feel dirty to me, like I wanted to use him to solve my problems. He is much too precious for that, and so is Catfish. I took all the frustration out on myself in mostly productive ways and learned a lot about who I am.

Cut to September 2010. Catfish and I have been happy for a while now. We have taken responsibility for ourselves and each other in many new ways. On CF’s birthday, he is touring with his band and I am dug in at the retreat center I go to, praying, walking and listening. A dear friend had given me a gift certificate for a two-night stay there that she bought in a silent auction because I had talked about the place, and she was moving. I had quite an experience there (book). The morning I left, I had done with my unresolved feelings for CH. I felt so blessed and happy with my life exactly as it was, and a grateful joy settled in. The only way I can say it without going into the eternity of those two days is that I became a mother there and a child again, at the same time. My eyes changed.

A few days later Charlie called to say he was returning to the area for an indefinite period of time. And he did later that month. I got a good look at him after all that time without his eyes and his smile to make certain I wasn’t fooling myself, consulted Catfish, and freed myself to share a new part of myself with my friend Charlie (book). I am in love with my two best friends, the fulcrum between two astoundingly powerful and inherently passionate and free men, - yes, this is a rare life indeed.

Now, I have to wrap it up because CH is coming to stay at our house tonight, in his old room, and we are all three going to spend family time together. We are all writing like mad, singing, making things,- on fire. There have been many visits, one just the two of them overnight, and they love each other in a way I’ve never borne witness to between two men. We are all doing the most rewarding and staggering work of our lives, together and separately. My life has become so that I can’t even imagine what will happen the next day.

Yeah, it’s grandiose and euphoric, and we also sit through some very frightening emotions all the time in this learning process. I said outright that it was a weird art movie and oh, my loves, we are only at the beginning this life around.

Dang.
-R
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I love Catfish and Charlie.

Last edited by Rarechild; 01-06-2011 at 06:08 PM.
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  #47  
Old 01-06-2011, 07:00 PM
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RC, what a lovely post full of feelings I can relate to. Thanks for the up date.

Question; what does (book) mean?
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  #48  
Old 01-06-2011, 09:16 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by redpepper View Post
Question; what does (book) mean?
That there are volumes of info I am skimming over with as concise a sentence as I can.
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  #49  
Old 01-06-2011, 09:39 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Rarechild View Post
That there are volumes of info I am skimming over with as concise a sentence as I can.
Oh, oh k.
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  #50  
Old 01-08-2011, 04:23 AM
eklctc eklctc is offline
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Thanks for sharing, Rarechild. It is beautiful when it all comes together and as long as we remember that we are ever-evolving, thereby, involved in an ever-evolving journey, we can continue to grow in our circumstances and, hopefully, burst anew with more love, insight, unity, and freedom. The best to you, CF, and CH. *hugs*
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