Polyamory.com Forum  

Go Back   Polyamory.com Forum > Polyamory > Life stories and blogs

Notices

Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
  #31  
Old 02-03-2010, 12:16 AM
River's Avatar
River River is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: NM, USA
Posts: 1,894
Default

Rare-Fish,

So you've learned that this is powerful magic, and maybe a little dangerous. Good. But don't give up on each other, or her. That's my suggestion. Instead, hold -- as much as possible -- a place of warmth, love, tenderness, and forgiveness toward firstly each of yourselves, then toward each of the others--the three of you.

Forgiveness doesn't mean you become a door mat. It means you keep your hearts open and you keep the communication open -- but in light of the liberty of forgiveness and open-heartedness.

Next time, I'm sure, you won't invite the powerful magic of alcohol, at least not in large doeses, into the other powerful magic you're experimenting with.

You're going to do fine. You're all good--albeit, imperfect--human beings, each worthy of love and forgiveness toward one another and toward (especially) yourselves. Good lovers are firstly good friends. Keep that in mind over the next several days. This is a time to deepen and cultivate your friendship. And if and when you all get naked with each other again (or whatever), do so sober -- if drunk on the healing balm of your love.
Reply With Quote
  #32  
Old 02-03-2010, 12:23 AM
redpepper's Avatar
redpepper redpepper is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: Canada
Posts: 7,636
Default

You sent me your post in a PM and I replied there, but I wanted to send you a huge hug and wanted to tell you that I am sending you my love and support anytime you need it and as always.

__________________
Anyone want to be friends on Facebook?
Send me your name via PM
My blog
Reply With Quote
  #33  
Old 02-10-2010, 02:45 PM
Rarechild's Avatar
Rarechild Rarechild is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: SW Michigan
Posts: 600
Default After some time to get my heart in order

I will try to make this brief, as I have plans to hole up in the studio today on my second snow-day from classes.

First of all thanks to everyone who inquired privately as to what was going on and offered help and support.

Catfish and I are fine. We are identifying where we took a wrong turn and have almost exhausted ourselves exploring why and what happens next (or rather I may have exhausted him.

The situation that upset me had a few components, and looking at them with a week's distance the most striking thing to me about the fact that boundaries were crossed (mine and turns out K's!) is that I did not have more courage to voice my own or follow them. I feel terrible that this has created turmoil where there was such hope in all of us that this would be such a lovely thing. But it's not realistic to expect a good outcome when you've not done the work to get yourself in a solid place. I am working on forgiving myself for this, which has been more difficult than forgiving the others. C and I are at the point of re-evaluation of what we are truly open to, and I think we've made progress, though there is still lots of work ahead and we will have to just live it and figure it out as we go as best as we can. We certainly will not force anything.

River, I've been thinking about what you said about powerful majic, and you are right on. If I do say so myself, all of us three are quite beautiful, and for my part as well as C's- we got caught up in the rush of that and blundered. Not such a horrible crime but I am now conscious of how eager I am to have a relationship with a woman again that I can be reckless with my heart.

So, I am having a relationship with her. I am being her friend and being honest even about the things I'm not proud of. I am not shutting her out or ignoring her- in fact we have connected in a very special way as we are both writers and find a stimulating challenge in expressing with words things we've never been able to pin down about ourselves. The polite "What's going on with this or that, if you don't mind me asking" is turning into something much more real and we find we have a great capacity to understand one another. For my part, she has become so much less an element of a concept blurred by second guesses and long-held desires, and I am finding out who she really is. (learning lots about who I am at the same time)

As to me and C, we are back to kind and loving (we were the whole time, as well as we know how which is pretty amazing), but I know the big questions this situation has brought up will still take some work to resolve. Right now we are trying to leave it alone for a few days and I look forward to the work and the restoration of unburdened joy I know will be a result.

-R
__________________
"Rocks will open and make a way for the lover."
~Hazrat Inayat Khan


I love Catfish and Charlie.
Reply With Quote
  #34  
Old 02-10-2010, 04:01 PM
NeonKaos NeonKaos is offline
Custodian
 
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: new england
Posts: 3,221
Default

I never doubted you for a moment.

Enjoy your snow-day!
Reply With Quote
  #35  
Old 02-10-2010, 06:39 PM
redpepper's Avatar
redpepper redpepper is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: Canada
Posts: 7,636
Default

__________________
Anyone want to be friends on Facebook?
Send me your name via PM
My blog
Reply With Quote
  #36  
Old 02-14-2010, 06:39 PM
classycaveman's Avatar
classycaveman classycaveman is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: Winnipeg MB, Canada
Posts: 68
Default

Just wanted to say thank you so much for sharing your experiences, I'm very new to the forum and finding out just how new I really am to polyamory as well. Just soaking up more great info than I ever expected to find! Your story has shone a light on some of my mistakes in the past, and how I can do better. Hope to hear more good things about you, C and K. Thanks again!
Reply With Quote
  #37  
Old 03-03-2010, 05:06 PM
Rarechild's Avatar
Rarechild Rarechild is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: SW Michigan
Posts: 600
Default

In Kalamazoo, we've been lucky enough to have some sunshine the last few days, and the snow has receded for a minute again. We have had a good supply of firewood this year given to us by various folks, and so many times as I read through posts on here I am stoking the flames. I am a total pyromaniac and a blacksmith without a forge, so this is important to me.

Catfish and I have been going through some lean times financially, but are much in love and bonding all the time by putting our shoulders to the boulder so to speak, side by side, and finding joy in working together on the very same issues that have driven us apart in the past.

I am realizing the beauty of the truth in all areas of my life. The truth about our dreams is the most tantalizing-the possibilities of bliss and accomplishment. I am seeing that there are many other truths to uncover in the process that can set us free and lead us to the dreams right now-the truth about our shortcomings, our grievances, resentment, human nature, financial situation, etc. Taking away the proud denial that keeps me paralyzed when I feel shame about having failed at something allows me to see how to find a solution. Taking away false pride also makes clear the things I have done right that I should be proud of, and what I am capable of doing right now that will bring happiness to myself and those I love.

My philosophy professor would call that my "capital-T Truth", or part of it at least. It does feel fundamental, the way I have seen myself change into a happier person over this last year. I have always wanted peace inside, and I can feel that now, even in the hardest times, because I trust myself. The perfectionism coupled with obsession that I've been plagued with in the past has started to transform into a healthy integrity in the things I do with passion. I forgive myself and others more. I can hardly justify self-pity, manipulation, or nastiness. I can feel my power to change my own life and the lives of others however I want to, and the power comes from earned self-worth. A little at a time.

It is amazing to me to realize that qualities I have that I have felt in the past were bad or destructive are, in fact, my strengths not yet fleshed out. I am growing into my soul as I make peace with my physical environment, and the urge to run lessens all the time.

That felt great to write. Most of the time I am on here I am reading through as many posts as possible, enjoying everything this site has to offer and all of your thoughts, and I don't get the time to reply in many threads I find really interesting. When I do write in here, it's mostly about drama,(in my life or on the site ) not about the big picture and what I am doing about my challenges. Thanks all for helping to build this site and for all of your contributions. I get a lot out of this site every day, and it has become a part of my personal growth, no doubt.

I am thankful to be growing, and ready for spring.
-R
__________________
"Rocks will open and make a way for the lover."
~Hazrat Inayat Khan


I love Catfish and Charlie.
Reply With Quote
  #38  
Old 03-03-2010, 05:42 PM
MonoVCPHG's Avatar
MonoVCPHG MonoVCPHG is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: In Redpepper's heart
Posts: 4,742
Default

I'm thankful you continue to share with us
__________________

Playing the Game of Life with Monopoly rules.
Monogamy might just be in my genes

Poly Events All Over
Reply With Quote
  #39  
Old 03-03-2010, 07:48 PM
Catfish Catfish is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: America's High Five
Posts: 299
Default

I am thankful to be your partner. My shoulders are getting stronger everyday.
__________________
Concern yourself less with love and more with loving.
Reply With Quote
  #40  
Old 11-10-2010, 03:55 PM
Rarechild's Avatar
Rarechild Rarechild is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: SW Michigan
Posts: 600
Default Watch the fuck out

I am charmed to my soul. Powerful majic comes at me in waves, like when you’re in a dream, watching it all go down, and knowing the story has been birthed from the deepest regions of your consciousness. In awe but holding steady as you watch the world change colors.

I am so loved. I have no choice but to be strong enough to mind the tension on all the hearts tied to mine with leather cord, steel wire and bright ribbon, making sure to maintain slack and not constrict the beautiful freedom of my dear ones.

I am in love many times over, conjuring patience and sunlight, setting my table for a feast.
Reply With Quote
Reply

Tags
anger, compersion, dreams, first poly experience, happy, jealousy, nre, poems

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump


All times are GMT. The time now is 09:34 AM.