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Old 12-01-2011, 10:21 PM
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redpepper redpepper is offline
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Originally Posted by opalescent View Post
anti-depressant medication does save lives, even as it often has dreadful side effects. Yes, it is overprescribed, is not for everyone, and probably should not be taken over a long period of time.
I totally agree some people need them, but this was not what was said here. It was said as a way to fix it all without any effort otherwise. I have no qualms about people taking medication, hell I dish it out at work all day, my concern is people jumping right to meds as a solution. A lot of stuff is fixable without meds. I think sometimes its another "quick fix solution" in our "quick fix solution" kind of culture. Sometimes stuff is hard to get through and sometimes uncomfortable for a long time, but it is possible to get through stuff when a good effort is made (determined by the person having the issues). If its just not working and getting worse, then by all means seek out medical help. I was not at all suggesting otherwise. Just to clarify. sorry for the derailment.
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Old 12-05-2011, 03:10 AM
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SchrodingersCat SchrodingersCat is offline
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For Christmas, I would definitely show up. Go there, be the most well-adjusted person they've ever met, and show them that their fears were unfounded. Be helpful, courteous, polite... basically schmooze their pants off.

In other words, win them to your cause.

Depending on your relationship with them, maybe you can even go over there sooner than Christmas and ask their advice. Explain things, calmly and thoughtfully, from your perspective, without any implications that the other girl is trying to be a home wrecker, but only relaying the facts of your interaction (she turned her back when I tried to give her a hug, she won't even look at me when we're across the table together) without your personal spin on them.

Express how you regret writing such an angry letter and that you didn't mean to hurt anyone, that you'd been bottling up your pain and jealousy and that you probably could have released your emotions in a more constructive way. At this point, you need to focus on damage control.

You have every right to feel the way you did and it does seem like your boyfriend has been playing some nasty games. Now if it were me, I would just chalk him up as dysfunctional and move on. Some people are beyond repair.

Since you seem determined to save the relationship, despite his demonstrated lack of polyskillz or consideration of your emotions, you'll basically need to do the work for everyone. I don't even know how to begin to advise on how to do that, because it's not a game I play. I have a very low tolerance for bullshit...

He's saying you won't change. If you want to save the relationship, you'll have to ask what changes he wants you to make, and you'll have to make them. I personally disagree with making people change, but he seems set on making you change, and you seem set on staying with him, so I guess that means you'll have to change, right?

I'm trying to not-so-subtly hint at the possibility that staying with him may not be not in your best interest. I understand that you've invested time with him, but if he's hurting you like this, you need to ask yourself: is it worth investing more time? Or might it be better to invest that time and energy in yourself, and find someone who won't make you be someone you're not?
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Old 10-04-2012, 10:59 PM
woofwoof woofwoof is offline
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Some unsolicited advice:

Do everything you can to make her feel welcome in your lives together. You will sleep knowing you are putting your all into something that is clearly very important to you and your partner. It is possible for you and your partner to bond over this new addition.
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