#1
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Based on a conversation with a friend of mine, I feel I need to redefine the type of relationship that my husband and I have. We have been in an open marriage for many years now, but on my side things have changed. I want to have more of a relationship with someone else and if it happens fall in love with them without having it make things to complicated. My husband does not want to meet or know anyone that I have on the side, so that is where it might get complicated.
Is this possible??? I really want to meet someone and have a relationship with them and possibly have a mutually loving relationship without upsetting my marriage. Seriously, am I asking for to much??? Help please!!!! |
#2
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Funny, we were just talking about this from the point of view of the person outside the marriage: http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showt...038#post113038
I would say that it's certainly possible, and that the right prospective partner might even prefer it if they don't want to know your partner either or don't want to be out as poly, but I know that for me it wouldn't work. Like, if I got my girlfriend a silly little present, like a stuffed animal, I'm ok with her pretending to co-workers or extended family that it's not a romantic present, or that her husband gave it to her. But if she couldn't even display it openly in her home and had to, like, hide it in a box in the back of the closet because her husband wouldn't be comfortable seeing it, that would feel very depressing to me. That's just one random example of how I might find that sort of situation too limiting. Another example would be that I could never join her on a special day, like if she was in grad school and was having a big graduation ceremony, if her husband refused to meet me. I guess I could go and stand in the back in a trenchcoat, or just lie and pretend to be a friend. But still, so depressing. But people do make it work. AnotherConfused is working under a different but related premise in her marriage about keeping things separate and has found happiness: http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=16732 I think a lot depends on exactly how strict your husband needs the boundaries to be.
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Me, 30ish bi female, been doing solo poly for roughly 5 years. Gia, Clay, and Pike, my partners. Davis, ex/friend/"it's complicated." Eric, Gia's husband. Bee, Gia and Eric's toddler. |
#3
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Likely Annabel posted some good links for you to look at but I wanted to encourage you to read around here. This form is about not only the possibility but the fact that people can and do have successful multiple relationships that are consensual, open, and everyone is aware and connected.
Suggested tags to look at in the search engine would be "foundations" "lessons" "open" and anything else you see that might help. Good luck ![]()
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#4
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![]() Quote:
I have a few questions (okay, more than a few ![]() I am just asking all of this to get a better picture of your situation so we can help with more definitive suggestions.
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The world opens up... when you do.
"Oh, oh, can't you see? Love is the drug for me." ~Bryan Ferry "Love and the self are one . . ." ~Leo Buscaglia Click here for a Solo Poly view on hierarchical relationships Click here to find out why the Polyamorous Misanthrope is feeling disgusted. Last edited by nycindie; 11-28-2011 at 09:51 PM. Reason: added more questions |
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