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  #21  
Old 04-07-2014, 11:36 PM
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SchrodingersCat SchrodingersCat is offline
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Originally Posted by graviton View Post
I'm so confused.
About?
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  #22  
Old 04-08-2014, 12:10 AM
rdpeete rdpeete is offline
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Originally Posted by graviton View Post
I'm so confused.
You and I both. but what I've picked up so far is that I'm a gross person for (not exclusively) looking for a Trans Woman. Just a ridiculously sensitive person getting bent out of shape, really.

I've dated Trans Women in the past and had positive experiences with them, thus my desire to look for a Trans Woman... but not giving my life story and despite explicitly saying that the lack of success in finding a Trans Woman was due to the women I've come in contact with being only interested in sex, I'm still somehow objectifying Trans Women. If you're still a little confused, no worries... You're approaching it rationally.
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  #23  
Old 04-08-2014, 03:28 AM
vanquish vanquish is offline
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rdpeete, I didn't find your comment to sound like you were punching some politically correct scorecard in order to be hip and trendy.

People absolutely have the right to seek out the kinds of people they want for their own relationships. Why you choose to date whomever you date are your own reasons.

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Therefore you have demonstrated that you're perfectly fine with either sex and either gender, and so "I only date trans women" is not going to get you out of this one.
What the hell. He shouldn't be required to "get out of" anything. You don't have him trapped, despite all the therefores and howevers. Your definition policing notwithstanding, you knew what he was trying to get across, but decided to unload on the guy.

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However, it does not describe you, because you have a wife (presumably cis) and you're also seeking cis males.
What the @#$#$ are you doing telling someone who they are and aren't really interested in? Would you accept that from someone else? @$^# no.
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  #24  
Old 04-08-2014, 03:38 AM
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SchrodingersCat SchrodingersCat is offline
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Originally Posted by rdpeete View Post
You and I both. but what I've picked up so far is that I'm a gross person for (not exclusively) looking for a Trans Woman. Just a ridiculously sensitive person getting bent out of shape, really.
I didn't say "you are a gross person" I said "gross" referring to the practice of dating people as tokens first, people second. Generally people don't like being treated that way.

However, now that you've slumped to personal attacks rather than answering my direct questions, I hereby choose to exit the discussion. I'd wish you luck finding your unicorn, but I don't wish that punishment on any woman. Instead, I wish you luck educating yourself.
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Gralson: my husband (works out of town).
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The most dangerous phrase in the English language is "we've always done it this way."
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  #25  
Old 04-08-2014, 03:48 AM
vanquish vanquish is offline
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It's splitting hairs, especially when you use such an inflammatory word as "gross", to argue that insulting his actions instead of him directly has any difference.

"What you're doing is gross." That sounds pretty personal to me.
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  #26  
Old 04-08-2014, 05:16 AM
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SchrodingersCat SchrodingersCat is offline
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Originally Posted by vanquish View Post
What the hell. He shouldn't be required to "get out of" anything. You don't have him trapped, despite all the therefores and howevers. Your definition policing notwithstanding, you knew what he was trying to get across, but decided to unload on the guy.


What the @#$#$ are you doing telling someone who they are and aren't really interested in? Would you accept that from someone else? @$^# no.
I'm amused by how much this seems to upset you. I know that's not very nice of me, but I can't help it. I wasn't even intending to get people all riled up on the internet today, but such is the nature of the web.

I'm doubly amused that you're crusading this like it affects you in any way shape or form. Not that it affects me personally either, but I'm active in the trans community and there's a lot of misinformation out there. Here I am just trying to clear the air, and people are getting all mad and stuff. I guess I shouldn't expect any different, being the internet and all, but I continue to be optimistic.
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Gralson: my husband (works out of town).
Auto: my girlfriend (lives with her husband Zoffee).

The most dangerous phrase in the English language is "we've always done it this way."
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  #27  
Old 04-08-2014, 06:13 AM
Tonberry Tonberry is offline
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Honestly... I failed to see the difference with people looking for partners who follow a certain physical description. For instance, people who are looking for petite white women. Or for a guy who's at least a certain height. Or for a specific eye colour.

Now, I realise being trans is emotionally more complex than your height or eye colour usually is, but I think in many cases, people have physical preferences. And I'm also no sure why physical preferences are worse than other preferences. For instance if someone said "I want a woman who can play the piano because I think it's hot", I don't see how it's not objectifying pianists (granted, you can learn to play the piano, but I doubt most people would be willing to do that in order to date someone).

They're looking for an actual relationship, not just casual sex, and are failing to find a compatible person. It seems to me they're looking for the right personality, too. But when you say they're looking for a trans woman first, a person second, while it's probably easier to do it that way than the other way around (find someone they're compatible with, then eliminating anyone who isn't trans).

I see that argument (It's objectification) a lot about, mostly, fetishes. So for instance if someone has a fat fetish, or a handicap fetish, then suddenly if they end up with a partner who is fat or handicapped, they're objectifying them and not loving them as a person. What gives? They're still going for the full package. I'm not going to be upset if I'm my partner's type, I want them to be attracted to me. Do I want it to be the only thing? No. But I want it to be one thing.

I always wonder what those people want. Do you want to date someone who isn't into trans/fat/handicapped women but is dating you despite it? Or do you want to date someone who is dating you because of it? Yes, there is a third option of "don't care", but how common is that? How many people truly have no preference whatsoever for someone's genitals, body shape or ability? (Not sure if that's the noun for an able-bodied person, their ability).

And if my partners have preferences, which I expect most to, I'd rather happen to fit them rather than be their opposite. Especially when I can't change them.

By the way, they said they were looking for cisgender mates, not males. They're probably also female (although I wouldn't know).
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  #28  
Old 04-08-2014, 06:53 AM
london london is offline
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A trans woman doesn't want to be thought of as anything other than a woman. As a woman of colour, I wouldn't want someone who fetishized my race, and I can imagine many trans women would want someone who fetishized the fact they were born in the wrong body.

I wouldn't want someone who is "into" dating women of colour. I want someone who is into dating me. I'm a woman of colour, but I'm not just a woman of colour. The colour of my skin is not a particularly important part of me. I'm sure many trans women feel the same about their sex and gender. But no, I wouldn't want a partner who is dating me because of the browness of my skin.
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  #29  
Old 04-08-2014, 11:42 AM
vanquish vanquish is offline
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Originally Posted by SchrodingersCat View Post
Uhm, what? You're looking to date a trans woman "because" she's trans? Objectifying much?

It's prioritizing her trans identity over her personal identity. Not meeting someone who "happens to be trans" and accepting her for her, but rather meeting someone to fill a role in your relationship as a status symbol.

Gross.
Quote:
Originally Posted by SchrodingersCat View Post
I'm amused by how much this seems to upset you. I know that's not very nice of me, but I can't help it. I wasn't even intending to get people all riled up on the internet today, but such is the nature of the web.

I'm doubly amused that you're crusading this like it affects you in any way shape or form. Not that it affects me personally either, but I'm active in the trans community and there's a lot of misinformation out there. Here I am just trying to clear the air, and people are getting all mad and stuff. I guess I shouldn't expect any different, being the internet and all, but I continue to be optimistic.
I'm happy you're sitting there snickering to yourself. Really, Im not as angry as you probably think I am, I just think you're handling your crusade to out his tokenism very poorly.

Don't assume you're the only one active or vocal about trans issues. I happen to be highly involved with the Southern Poverty Law Center and the Lambda Legal group in New Orleans in their attempts to address exactly that. There are personal reasons behind my efforts, but I'm not going to recite them as some justification to you.

You assumed a whole bunch of stuff about the guys motivations and ended up being wrong. You were rude and instead of apologizing you're doubling down. Why does it matter to me? I suppose I just read your comments as being in poor taste and thought you should know. Oddly, you've done the same thing to me in a different thread. This isn't tit for tat. Just coincidence I suppose.
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Last edited by vanquish; 04-08-2014 at 11:44 AM.
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  #30  
Old 04-08-2014, 11:48 AM
vanquish vanquish is offline
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Originally Posted by london View Post
A trans woman doesn't want to be thought of as anything other than a woman. As a woman of colour, I wouldn't want someone who fetishized my race, and I can imagine many trans women would want someone who fetishized the fact they were born in the wrong body.

I wouldn't want someone who is "into" dating women of colour. I want someone who is into dating me. I'm a woman of colour, but I'm not just a woman of colour. The colour of my skin is not a particularly important part of me. I'm sure many trans women feel the same about their sex and gender. But no, I wouldn't want a partner who is dating me because of the browness of my skin.
There's a difference between fetishizing a particular quality in someone and recognizing that someone of a particular type has the propensity for life experiences and personality qualities that you relate to and are attracted to.
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