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  #21  
Old 12-13-2009, 08:42 PM
NeonKaos NeonKaos is offline
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As long as you are not in immediate physical danger, no one expects you to pack your bags and leave tonight. Take care!
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  #22  
Old 12-13-2009, 08:46 PM
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crisare crisare is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by YGirl View Post
As long as you are not in immediate physical danger, no one expects you to pack your bags and leave tonight. Take care!
Agreed. I'm certainly not saying "get out now".

I think, however, you need to spend time thinking about what meets YOUR needs and seriously considering whether this is a relationship that you want to continue for the rest of your life (or any long term period).
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  #23  
Old 12-13-2009, 08:47 PM
msadams msadams is offline
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*smiles* thank you. no immediate danger. a-ok. not leaving for sure!
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  #24  
Old 12-14-2009, 01:10 AM
msadams msadams is offline
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We had a long conversation when he landed in LA and we talked a lot about this. I said I could not do this anymore for the sake of our marriage we need to grow strong and grow together and when we are stronger, take on our relationships with other people.

He was very caring and observant and very understanding. He understood when I talked with him that I can do no more. He explained that he was appreciative of the massive effort I put in to try and accommodate him and says our relationship means more to him. He agrees that we should work on us and is going to end things appropriately and politely with the girl that he is seeing and not seek out anyone else without clearly discussing it with me and waiting until it is right to bring the topic up again.

Thank you. I appreciate your insight and suggestions. I feel that we have made the best decision for us and your input really helped.
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  #25  
Old 12-14-2009, 02:10 AM
NeonKaos NeonKaos is offline
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PLease keep us all updated now that we're involved peripherally!

And read around on this site! There are a lot of threads with good discussions and stories, and some useful links to other internet resources.
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  #26  
Old 12-14-2009, 02:23 AM
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DrunkenPorcupine DrunkenPorcupine is offline
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Congrats. I've got to say, that had the best ending it could have.

Please, keep popping into the forums.
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  #27  
Old 12-14-2009, 02:55 AM
msadams msadams is offline
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Thank you very much for the well wishes. I am definitely going to be around and reading the forums and will absolutely keep and update going with what is happening in our lives.

Thank you again!
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  #28  
Old 12-14-2009, 06:43 AM
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redpepper redpepper is offline
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oh pooey, I missed it all.
That was the fastest thread drama ever! Congrats to all of you.

I was going to suggest that perhaps this whole business about your husband meeting up with this woman was a bit hasty but not the end of the world. It sounded to me like you were biting off more than you could chew when you agreed to let him go and now trying to reign it all in.

It sounds to me like there is still some emotional patching up to do for the two of you and that you are not entirely healed from the past that you both share. I applaud you for taking the chance and agreeing to him going off to meet this love he has. That was a BIG move in my eyes, perhaps too big for right now but eventually will be less of a threat.

Anyway, I wrote what I had to say anyways in case it helps in some way.

I wasn't sure I got that he is emotionally black mailing you... or cheating, just that you had a moment of cynicism that comes from having been hurt before and experiencing it again more than you thought you would of when he left.

Good luck.
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  #29  
Old 12-14-2009, 01:41 PM
msadams msadams is offline
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Hello,

Thank you for your response. Yes, I do feel like I bit off more than I could chew and deal with it ok. From that perspective the cynicism does make sense. I guess time will help alleviate that pain and I agree, I do feel like it was moving too fast.

Thank you for your thoughts. This has been a valuable learning experience.
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  #30  
Old 12-19-2009, 05:14 AM
msadams msadams is offline
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Well, he has been gone for almost a week and I am not doing so well. I come back and read this thread daily and consider it from multiple perspectives. I get very angry and do not want to talk with him for fear of my wrath spilling over onto him.

If I am unhappy I need to talk to him about it in a considerate thought out manner. I am so hurt and upset though that I find fits of anger not easy to restrain and seek to avoid contact for the most part. We had an impactful conversation when he left, but my fears/hurt/concern is that nothing is going to happen further from that conversation. He said to me during our discussion if I could not take it anymore that he "would do whatever I wanted" just tell him what that is. He also wants to break it off slowly with her after he returns. I cannot deny him that but at the same time, why is he in LA building a relationship with someone that he is falling in love with just to break up with her in theory? She is demanding of his time and emotions as well, which indicates to me more of a desire for a deeper connection than just fucking. I know that is jealous-speak but I feel it honest to also state the truth of observation.

In my opinion I -have- made it clear where I am. Why can't he just do what's right? I feel angered that he wants me to tell him what to do. Why is that responsibility solely on me? If I have expressed this is too much for me and it is hurting us, is that not enough?

He is still in LA with the girl. I am at a loss of even how to negotiate around not being rage-ful towards him. Every morning I write our a letter to him from scratch explaining how I feel and what I am thinking. The deal I make with myself is that if I still feel like it is a reasonable email to send by the end of the day I will. So far I have not sent one of those emails. I have even considered sending him the link to this post.

I have unfortunately let a couple of my texts through in anger. I am not proud of that either. They are not abusive but they do resound with hurt. I do not call him every name in the book either. I think what I feel is a lot more extreme then what I permit myself to say out loud.

I'm not sure even what to say now. My work performance sucks I'm not fully functional and well i'm at a loss of what to do. Additionally, what do I do/how do we fix this mess when he gets back? Am I being unreasonable?

Thank you. Its lots of questions and i'm a tired one.
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