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  #41  
Old 03-19-2010, 06:30 PM
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Originally Posted by SchrodingersCat View Post
These are just my personal reactions... of course, everyone has different experiences, and I'm by no means claiming that everyone who says these things is from a positive perspective. But sometimes a cigar is just a cigar.
Thank you for saying this because that list that thunkybunny wrote are mostly things I say and I didn't fit any of the assumptions that followed. I was insulted actually. Blunt indeed!

Just a thought, you might be missing out on a good relationship if you are assuming all that to be true. It has served me in my life better to drop assumptions and find out for myself through communication and time about those I am interested in being with. Finding out what people are made of rather than assuming what they are made of because of what they say and do seems to work better in my experience .... we are more than that, you are more than that. Would you want someone to assume you were this way if you said those things?

breathegirl, in regards to your vent...what the heck happened? geesh, there is a story there I just know it. Maybe I missed a post?
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Last edited by redpepper; 03-19-2010 at 06:43 PM. Reason: typo
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  #42  
Old 03-19-2010, 06:31 PM
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It's retarded (pun intended).
that's awesome. I'm sitting here with my developmentally disabled client who just read that. nice.
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  #43  
Old 03-19-2010, 07:20 PM
thunkybunny thunkybunny is offline
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Originally Posted by redpepper View Post
Thank you for saying this because that list that thunkybunny wrote are mostly things I say and I didn't fit any of the assumptions that followed. I was insulted actually. Blunt indeed!

Just a thought, you might be missing out on a good relationship if you are assuming all that to be true. It has served me in my life better to drop assumptions and find out for myself through communication and time about those I am interested in being with. Finding out what people are made of rather than assuming what they are made of because of what they say and do seems to work better in my experience .... we are more than that, you are more than that. Would you want someone to assume you were this way if you said those things?
Now who's assuming things?
Obviously, I'm not suggesting that 'red flags' are litmus tests. However, for some people, they add up and they repeat themselves. I'm fine with mistakes. People make mistakes, which are learning opportunities. To me, the biggest red flag is when people have neither the will to take responsibility for their mistakes nor the interest in behaving ethically. In those situations, the interpretations I provided were accurate.
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  #44  
Old 03-19-2010, 07:21 PM
thunkybunny thunkybunny is offline
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Originally Posted by redpepper View Post
that's awesome. I'm sitting here with my developmentally disabled client who just read that. nice.
OK. I'm an asshole.
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  #45  
Old 03-19-2010, 07:46 PM
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Originally Posted by thunkybunny View Post
Now who's assuming things?
Obviously, I'm not suggesting that 'red flags' are litmus tests. However, for some people, they add up and they repeat themselves. I'm fine with mistakes. People make mistakes, which are learning opportunities. To me, the biggest red flag is when people have neither the will to take responsibility for their mistakes nor the interest in behaving ethically. In those situations, the interpretations I provided were accurate.
I wasn't assuming anything about you. I was telling you how what you said made me feel, agreeing with your own statement about being blunt, telling you about my experience and asking you questions in order to understand you better. I do my best to not assume because I have learned that I don't get to know people if I am closed off by my own mind. I am enjoying getting to know you actually and agree with what you are saying about responsibility.

You aren't an asshole in my eye, just following popular culture. I am a strong advocate for my clients, what can I say. I see how it affects them and can't not be.
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  #46  
Old 03-19-2010, 07:58 PM
thunkybunny thunkybunny is offline
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Originally Posted by redpepper View Post
I wasn't assuming anything about you. I was telling you how what you said made me feel, agreeing with your own statement about being blunt, telling you about my experience and asking you questions in order to understand you better. I do my best to not assume because I have learned that I don't get to know people if I am closed off by my own mind. I am enjoying getting to know you actually and agree with what you are saying about responsibility.

You aren't an asshole in my eye, just following popular culture. I am a strong advocate for my clients, what can I say. I see how it affects them and can't not be.
Meh. Text-based communications are easy ways to start flame wars. That said, I prolly am a bit of an asshole. hehe
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  #47  
Old 03-19-2010, 08:11 PM
NeonKaos NeonKaos is offline
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Originally Posted by thunkybunny View Post
Meh. Text-based communications are easy ways to start flame wars. That said, I prolly am a bit of an asshole. hehe
I'd hate to cramp your style, but...

You could always edit your message if you've learned anything about yourself from this. Then, redpepper could edit the part where she quoted you, and THEN we wouldn't have a statement on the forum that marginalizes people with developmental disabilities. That would be just grooovy.

For example, if you took out the "pun intended", then all it would be saying is "that is retarded" which means "that is slow". It is not really necessary to bring the developmentally disabled population into this in order to make your point, is it?

It would be the classy thing to do.

Just my $2 worth...

Last edited by NeonKaos; 03-19-2010 at 08:15 PM.
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  #48  
Old 03-19-2010, 08:40 PM
thunkybunny thunkybunny is offline
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It would be the classy thing to do.

Just my $2 worth...
Two whole dollars!!! Wow. Talk about inflation. It used to be only 2 cents.
I hears ya tho

Last edited by thunkybunny; 03-19-2010 at 09:09 PM.
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  #49  
Old 03-19-2010, 09:47 PM
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SchrodingersCat SchrodingersCat is offline
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Also, I'd like to defend someone else's side of things. I wouldn't ever be in a 'don't ask, don't tell' relationship personally, but a good friend of mine is "the other woman" in one, and the situation is very stable and loving for all parties.
DADT has its merits if it's what works for both partners and they both consent to entering that arrangement.

My interpretation of the red flag was more that a person who's cheating on their partner tells people they're single. In other words, "the other woman" in the relationship you described obviously knows that the guy is married.

It's bad enough to cheat on your partner without leading the other person on thinking that they can develop a long term relationship with you when there's no chance of that happening.
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  #50  
Old 03-20-2010, 07:18 PM
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A person who has never been single is a big red flag for me. In my experience, it takes a person who can be healthy alone to be healthy enough for a romantic relationship.
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