"Red Flags" - Warning Signs in Relationships

[Ceoli]

Not much time at the moment, but I also like the idea of a collated list. Here are some of mine

- Partners with a "don't ask don't tell" policy with their other partners. This tells me someone in the equation is trying to protect their jealousy rather than deal with it.

- Hetero couples with no practical experience in polyamory who search for a bi woman for a very specific poly-fi triad because they "just have so much love to share". Bonus points if the female member of the couple is bi-curious with no experience with women.

Gotta get ready for a job interview now...I'll have some more later.

[lola]

Originally Posted by YGirl

I didn't say that, did I?

It just USUALLY seems like people want someone ELSE to make it so and then serve it to them with breakfast in bed, whipped cream, and a cherry.

Not YOU of course. That much is clear!

I hear you. But breakfast in bed is sounding kind of cool.

[lola]

Originally Posted by Fidelia

One big red flag for me in relationships of any kind is when a person is saying one thing but doing another.

And when somebody's words and actions do not agree, you can trust that their ACTIONS are the truth. We can SAY anything, but our actions reveal our hearts.

Great! Added to the list.

[lola]

Originally Posted by Ceoli

N
- Partners with a "don't ask don't tell" policy with their other partners. This tells me someone in the equation is trying to protect their jealousy rather than deal with it.

- Hetero couples with no practical experience in polyamory who search for a bi woman for a very specific poly-fi triad because they "just have so much love to share". Bonus points if the female member of the couple is bi-curious with no experience with women.

Thanks! Hot Bi-Babe seekers added to the list.

[lola]

Originally Posted by MonoVCPHG

There would be links to threads based on content as well as tags. It would require some reading and personal assumptions of what is a good learning thread.....wheels turning..

Infectious, isn't it?

[Fidelia]

Originally Posted by Ceoli

Gotta get ready for a job interview now...I'll have some more later.

Knock 'em dead, SisterWoman.

[LovingRadiance]

Anyone who says "I'm too jealous for".
I find that if they say that once it's a good sign they have undealt with baggage hiding in there.

I second Ceoli's "don't ask, don't tell" one. If we can't be friend-you don't need to have my husbands cock in you. PERIOD. Likewise-if you can't be friend with him, you have no need to have yours in me or whatever (I'm bi-but you get the picture).

Anyone who sends naked pictures to me before having a few GOOD, SERIOUS INFORMATIVE conversations.

Anyone who says they want a specified dynamic *such as a triad or quad* up front. Sure-I'd LOVE a quad (in a V right now). But that isn't POSSIBLE without RELATIONSHIP and relationships can't be created to meet a design (imho). If a relationship develops (friendship is a relationship in this conversation) the we can see if it will work in the "family" in some way.

People who hate all their ex's.

People who say "(S)he did blah blah blah" when describing why their last relationship ended instead of saying "we or I"....


off the top of my head (too much time on my hands at the moment).

[alaskababe]

A red flag to me is someone who cant talk about their feelings honestly. No matter what the subject is, they should be able to talk about how they feel even if you disagree with each other. Sometimes you will never agree but at least you can have a discussion about a touchy subject with love and caring for each others feelings.

I totally agree: someone who says one thing and does another. Someone who isnt honest about little things in their life, will not be able to be honest about the larger parts of life.

The biggest red flag is your gut feeling when starting a relationship with someone new. If you have a nagging feeling that something is off but continue anyway. Never doubt your instincts for other person's real intent. This has protected and saved me more than once from pain.

[alaskababe]

Just read the part from Loving Radiance about hating your ex's. So true.
I am still friends with my first boyfriend and husband and several lovers from my past. I never let go of the men who meant a lot to me. They dont seem to want to let go of me either. That is a big WHITE FLAG! OK, I just made that name up for a good indication of a great relationship!

[Winterfire]

Originally Posted by Ceoli

- Hetero couples with no practical experience in polyamory who search for a bi woman for a very specific poly-fi triad because they "just have so much love to share". Bonus points if the female member of the couple is bi-curious with no experience with women.

That one is pretty much how my husband and I started out. I was fairly hesitant about the idea of being poly, and my husband kind of pushed me on it (which in itself is a red flag sort of thing to watch for, that everyone isn't quite on the same page). Things didn't turn out like he'd intended. After some time passed, the woman we were dating decided she wanted a romantic relationship with me only. She and I are still dating, and he's trying to figure things out now once he adapted to that new dynamic.