"Red Flags" - Warning Signs in Relationships

[lola]

Since I'm really pretty new to Poly, I was wondering what, if any, "red flags" the more experienced members might have found along their travels.

What are some warning signs you've seen that you now know might be telling you to look more closely at things.

Finding out someone is not telling their OSO about a relationship with you is surely one that I've experienced, just as an example.

Others?

[Fidelia]

There is a lot of discussion on this already present on the boards here. Do a search for the word "flag." ("Red" is too short and will be removed.) You'll find several useful posts concerning issues other polyfolk have faced.

[NeonKaos]

Here is a search I did by typing "red flags" (quotes and all) into the Search field with "Show Threads" checked off.

You can modify this by selecting "Show Posts" and/or by choosing Tag Search (in which case it will only pull up threads that have been TAGGED with your chosen search-terminology) or Advanced Search (which will bring up a whole other window with all sorts of ways to refine your search terminology).

http://www.polyamory.com/forum/searc...searchid=21176

When looking at the results, the terms you searched for will be highlighted in bold red (not to be confused with "red flags").

[lola]

Thanks for the lesson on the search feature.

Will have to see if I can find what I'm looking for...too bad there's not a list somewhere.

[NeonKaos]

Originally Posted by lola

Thanks for the lesson on the search feature.

Will have to see if I can find what I'm looking for...too bad there's not a list somewhere.

Yeah.. too bad there's not a user manual for the human condition either!

[lola]

Well, I am starting a list for my own use. Might take some time and work, but it will be a useful resource, imho.

Were there more references available, perhaps we could help not only ourselves, but humanity in general. Those adventurers in Poly who have written things for us are appreciated for putting something out there to help the rest of us.

Just because it doesn't exist doesn't mean it shouldn't or couldn't.

[MonoVCPHG]

Originally Posted by lola

Just because it doesn't exist doesn't mean it shouldn't or couldn't.

This a good idea Lola..A thread that only has short descriptions and links to previous posts and discussions...hmmmm.

[MonoVCPHG]

Originally Posted by MonoVCPHG

This a good idea Lola..A thread that only has short descriptions and links to previous posts and discussions...hmmmm.

There would be links to threads based on content as well as tags. It would require some reading and personal assumptions of what is a good learning thread.....wheels turning..

[Fidelia]

One big red flag for me in relationships of any kind is when a person is saying one thing but doing another.

And when somebody's words and actions do not agree, you can trust that their ACTIONS are the truth. We can SAY anything, but our actions reveal our hearts.

[NeonKaos]

Originally Posted by lola

Just because it doesn't exist doesn't mean it shouldn't or couldn't.

I didn't say that, did I?

It just USUALLY seems like people want someone ELSE to make it so and then serve it to them with breakfast in bed, whipped cream, and a cherry.

Not YOU of course. That much is clear!