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Old 10-27-2009, 07:05 PM
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Question Glossary and Definitions

Bisexual: sexually attracted to both men and women.

Closed Marriage : Marriages where their is no outer emotional relating or sexuality.

Closed Group Marriage 1: A group of individuals who describe themselves as married but may or may not be all primaries and who are closed to outside sexual relationships 2: A marriage in which fidelity is not equated with monogamy

Closed Relationship n : An agreement among the members not to get sexually and/or romantically involved with anyone outside the relationship

Co-Housing Community : a housing community built around a group philosophy. Each family has there own home that is privately owned but there is community buildings and space. Often built around shared values or beliefs.

Commitment n 1 : to pledge or promise to do something 2 : dedication to a long-term course of action 3 : engagement 4 : involvement 5 : to put into charge or trust 6 : ENTRUST 7 : to carry into action 8 : PERPETRATE 9 : TRANSFER, CONSIGN; committal n; commit vb; committed vb; committing vb

Commune n 1 : a community 2 : interchange of thoughts and feelings 3 : converse; communal adj 1 : to be owned or shared by a community 2 : public

Community n, pl -ties 1 : a body of people living in the same place under the same laws; also : a natural population of plants and animals that interact ecologically and live in one place (as a pond) 2 : society at large 3 : joint ownership 4 : SIMILARITY, LIKENESS

Compersion n 1: taking joy or pleasure in someone else’s joy, pleasure or happiness 2: feeling joy in the joy that others you love share among themselves, especially taking joy in the knowledge that your beloveds are expressing their love for one another, the term was coined by the Keristan Commune in San Francisco which practiced Polyfidelity, Kerista disbanded in the early 1990's

Condom Commitment n : an agreement to confine exchange of bodily fluids and barrier-free intercourse to a closed group which has previously been screened for sexually transmitted diseases. syn. safe sex circle

Cooperative n or adj 1 : willing to work with others 2 : of or relating to an association formed to enable its members 3: a cooperative association

Courting n or vb : The process by which people explore how it feels to form or join in a committed relationship. syn. dating

Eros n : refers 1: the Greek god of erotic love — compare cupid 2: the sum of life-preserving instincts that are manifested as impulses to gratify basic needs, as sublimated impulses, and as impulses to protect and preserve the body and mind — compare death instinct3 a: love conceived by Plato as a fundamental creative impulse having a sensual element b: often not capitalized : erotic love or desire (2008). In Merriam-Webster Online Dictionary.

Expanded Family n : a relationship in which three or more partners consciously chose each other as family, partners may or may not live together, there is the potential for all family members to be sexual with each other if they mutually chose to do so but this is not a requirement for family membership, syn intentional family

Family n, pl 1: a group of individuals living under one roof and usually under one head 2 a: a group of persons of common ancestry : clan b: a people or group of peoples regarded as deriving from a common stock : race 3: a group of people united by certain convictions or a common affiliation 4a: the basic unit in society traditionally consisting of two parents rearing their children - (2008). In Merriam-Webster Online Dictionary.

Fidelity n 1 a: the quality or state of being faithful b: accuracy in details (2008). In Merriam-Webster Online Dictionary.

Fluid Bond: Of or related to practices which involve the exchange of bodily fluids, such as barrier-free sexual intercourse

Group Marriage n : a marriage involving more than two people

Group Partner n : a person of group marriage or relationship

Group Relationship n : a committed, loving relationship involving multiple partners

Hinge n or adj: Refers to Vee's, or similar dynamics in a more complex relationship, the "person in the middle", more bonded to each end than they are to each other, is sometimes called the hinge. Without the hinge, the others people often go their separate ways.

Hot Bi Babe [HBB] n : mythical creature [female] that some couples search for as for the Holy Grail.

Husband n : a male partner in a marriage or committed relationship

Inclusive Relationship n : a relationship in which all partners agree to include more lovers into their relationship

Intentional Family n : a relationship in which three or more partners consciously chose each other as family, partners may or may not live together, there is the potential for all family members to be sexual with each other if they mutually chose to do so but this is not a requirement for family membership, syn expanded family

Intimate n, adj 1 a: intrinsic , essential b: belonging to or characterizing one's deepest nature 2: marked by very close association, contact, or familiarity 3 a: marked by a warm friendship developing through long association b: suggesting informal warmth or privacy 4: of a very personal or private nature (2008). In Merriam-Webster Online Dictionary.

Intimate Network n : individuals who desire friendship and perhaps sex with their lover's and other friend's, forming a web of varying connections within a social circle

Intimate Partner n : a close romantic or sexual connection or relationship

Intimate Relationship n : term that assumes romantic or sexual connection

Jealousy n or adj 1 : the opposite of compersion 2 : negative, angry feelings that a group or an individual can prevoke in another group or individual 3 : demanding complete devotion 4 : suspicious of a rival or of one believed to enjoy an advantage 5 : VIGILANT; jealously; jealous adj

Line Marriage n : a term from the works of Robert A. Heinlein, science fiction writer, meaning a marriage that from time to time adds younger members, eventually establishing an equilibrium population, spouses dying off at the same rate as new ones are added, this is a different form of familial immortality than the traditional one of successive generations of children

Lovestyle n : the design or structure of a sexualove relationship, like the term lifestyle, it implies a conscious choice. syn. Relationship Orientation

Mixed Relationships n 1 : relationships that have heterosexual and homosexual members 2 : relationships that have people from different races and cultures

Monogamy n 1 archaic : the practice of marrying only once during a lifetime 2: the state or custom of being married to one person at a time 3: the condition or practice of having a single mate during a period of time (2008). In Merriam-Webster Online Dictionary.

Multi-partner Relationship n : the practice of having more than one intimate or sexual relationship at one time.

New Paradigm Relating n : a philosophy of relationship which emphasizes using the relationship to consciously enhance the psychological and spiritual development of the partners, characterized by responding authentically in the present moment, honoring individual autonomy, equality, honesty and self responsibility.
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Old 10-27-2009, 07:05 PM
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New Relationship Energy (NRE) n or adj: energy that flows between partners in a "new" relationship, the excitement and discovery that occurs during this time as opposed to old relationship energy that is part of a more settled, stable, comfortable time in the relationship

One True Way Polyamorist n : a person who believes there is only one right way to be polyamorous often based on their own moral judgments (most believe there are many ways to be poly)

Open Marriage n : a marriage where spouses are allowed to have romantic relationships and/or sex with others outside the marriage

Open Group Marriage n 1: A group of individuals who describe themselves as married, but may or may not be all primaries and who are open to outside romantic and/or sexual relationships

Open Relationship n : a relationship where partners are allowed to have romantic relationships and/or sex with others outside the relationship

Partner n 1 : Short for life partner(s). Gender-free, heterosexual assumption free term for someone with whom one is romantically involved with 2: SPOUSE or SPICE 3: ASSOCIATE(S), COLLEAGUE(S) 4: two or more persons who dance together 5 : one who plays on the same team with another 6: one of two or more persons contractually associated as joint principals in a venture--partnership n

Plural Marriage n : 1: a marriage between three or more people 2:a name often applied to Mormon-style polygyny, all the wives may live together or each may have her own home

Poly n or adj 1 : many or several 2 : Short for Polyamory 3: The relationship orientation of people who love and want to be intimate with more than one person at a time 4: A relationship that is non-monogamous relationship 5: A person that is either in or at least interested in a multi-partnered relationship and family

Poly activist n : a person interested in taking action intended to counteract the political, social and religious enforcement of monogamy; Poly activists help promote greater awareness of Polyamory as a legitimate relationship choice; poly activism n

Polyamorous n 1 : practicing polyamory 2 : of or characterized by polyamory

Polyamory n 1: the state or practice of having more than one open romantic relationship at a time (2008). In Merriam-Webster Online Dictionary. 2: romantically loving more than one person at a time 3: responsible non-monogamy based on honest open communication and conscious choices

Polyandry n 1 : the state or practice of having two or more husbands at the same time 2 : the mating of one female animal with more that one male; polyandric adj; polyandrist n

Poly-Family n 1 : a group polyamorous people all the people living in or sharing life experiences in the same home or household 2 : a social unit consisting of multiple romantically involved adults (may or may not all be sexually/romantically involved with each other) 3 : when children are present the term includes others adults, besides blood or birth parents, who are responsibly involved with the child or children, most adult take an active role in child rearing 4 : a group of people related by common commune, tribe, clan, lineage, ancestry, relatives, commitment or marriage 5 : a sharing of living expenses and property

Polyfidelity n : a group in which all partners are primary to all other partners and sexual fidelity is to the group; shared intent of a lifelong run together. More primary partners can be added with everyone's consent. The term was coined by the Kerista commune

Polygamous adj 1 : practicing polygamy 2 : of, engaging in or characterized by polygamy

Polygamy n : the practice of having more than one wife or husband at one time; polygamist n;

Polygynous adj 1 : practicing polygyny 2 : of, engaging in or characterized by polygyny

Polygyny n 1 : the state or practice of having two or more wives at the same time 2 : the mating of a male animal with more than one female.

PolyWog : A person new to and exploring and experiencing polyamory.

Poly Virgin : A person who has never been in a polyamorous relationship.

Primary Partner or Relationship n 1 : the closest relationship type, the person(s) given the most time, energy and priority in a person's life; includes high level of intimacy, attraction and commitment as demonstrated by strong bonding, often live together can be committed by marriage or commitment ceremony

Quad n : A multiple partnered relationship with four members

Relationship Orientation n 1: The preference for sexual relationships or lovestyles which are monogamous, non-monogamous, intimate network, Polyfidelitous, etc. 2: The design or structure of a sexual love relationship. Like the term lifestyle, it implies a conscious choice. syn. Lovestyle

Safe Sex n : sexual activities in which precautions have been taken, as by the use of a condom, to minimize the chances of spreading or contracting a sexually transmitted disease. 2008 Dictionary.com Unabridged

Safe Sex Circle n : an agreement to confine exchange of bodily fluids and barrier-free intercourse to a closed group which has previously been screened for sexually transmitted diseases

Secondary Partner or relationship n : a person of polyamorous orientation that is intimately involved in your life but usually not daily, the person provide emotional support may or may not provide economic support, there may be some sharing of resources, goal and life paths but they are few as compared to primary partners

Serial Monogamy n : a succession of monogamous partners over time

Sex Positive adj : a person who is comfortable with own sexuality and sexuality in general

Spouse n : a persons husband or wife

Swing Club n 1 : a meeting place where recreational sexual activity take place 2 : an organization that support, encourage and promotes recreational sexual activities

Swinger n : a person who participates in swinging

Swinging vb 1 : Relationship style in which a married or primary partners enjoy and engage in sex with other couples, individuals and/or groups with an emphasis on sexual pleasure and not on emotional connectedness. 2: Recreational sexual activity, sometimes called sport sex, where partner's or participant's agree to have casual sex with each other's partners. There is usually no emotional involvement.

Tantra n : 1 Hindu or Buddhist scriptures dealing with techiques and rituals including meditative and sexual prictices 2 :TOUCH 3 : Yoga spiritual discipline 4 : SENSATION 5 : FEEL

Tertiary n or adj 1 : of third rank, importance, or value 2 cap : of, relating to, or being the earlier period of the Cenozoic era 3 : occurring in or being the third stage

Tertiary Partner n : a person of polyamorous orientation that is intimately involved in your life erratically, the person provides limited emotional support, usually does not provide economic support, sharing of resources, goal and life paths

Tertiary Relationship n or adj : a relationship which may include emotional support or sexuality on a one-time or highly erratic schedule, attention or energy is given in bursts but the relationship is not a consistent part of a persons life

Tolerance n 1 : the act or practice of tolerating; esp : sympathy or indulgence for beliefs or practices differing from one's own 2 : the allowable deviation from a standard (as of size) 3 : the body's ability to become less responsive over time to something tolerant adj tolerantly adv

Triad n 1: any three person lovestyle. 2: three people involved in some way; most often used in a committed sense; in some cases involving ceremonies of commitment 3 : a union or group of three usu. closely related persons or things

Triangle n 1: (or equilateral triangle) relationship where three people are each involved with both of the others, sometimes also called a triad 2 : a plane figure that has three sides and three angles : a polygon having three sides 3 : something shaped like a triangle; triangular adj; triangularly adv

Troller n : a person who comes into the poly community trolling for sex.

Twittterpated: A term for NRE (new relationship energy) from Bambi. Infatuation with a lover in your life.

Vee n : three people, where the structure puts one person at the bottom, or hinge" of the vee, also called the pivot point; in a vee, the arm partners are not as commonly close to each other as each is to the pivot
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Old 10-30-2009, 06:12 AM
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pansexual-Someone who is attracted to people regardless of their gender, sex or sexual orientation.

Serial monogamy-
someone who moves from one relationship to another often. a lifestyle which provides commitment to one sexual relationship at a time, but implies a regular change of partner

Serial polyamory-
someone who commits and loves several partners at once but there are so many that the love and commitment remains shallow.

BDSM-
is a compound acronym derived from the terms bondage and discipline (B&D, B/D, or BD), dominance and submission (D&s, D/s, or Ds), sadism and masochism (S&M, S/M, or SM). BDSM includes a wide spectrum of activities, forms of interpersonal relationships, and distinct subcultures. While not always overtly sexual in nature, the activities and relationships within a BDSM context are almost always eroticized by the participants in some fashion. Many of these practices fall outside of conventional sexual activities and human relationships. Activities and relationships within a BDSM context are characterized by the fact that the participants usually take on complementary, but unequal, roles.

Tops or Dominants-
Typically, participants who are active in BDSM— applying the activity or exercising control over others

Bottoms or Submissives-
Those participants who are recipients of the activities in BDSM, or who are controlled by their partners

Switches-
Individuals who move between top/dominant roles and bottom/submissive roles—either periodically within a relationship, or from relationship to relationship.

Metamour- the girlfriend or wife of your partner. Usually used if you are a secondary and they are your partners primary.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Ceoli View Post
Actually, the definition of metamour is a bit less specific than that:

Metamour: The partner of one's partner, with whom there is no direct sexual or romantic relationship. It can refer to any gender and any primary/secondary status.

I.E. My partner's wife is my metamour and I am her metamour.
fluid bonding- when sexual partners share their bodily fluids with each other. Usually after each have been tested for STD's and have passed the test.

Relationship Anarchy- a term for polyamory, as there is no fixed definition that fully describes it. Used mostly by people in the beginning stages of developing forms of poly relationships. Also by the younger generations who are not fully developed in their relationship experiences. Seems to be akin to dating but the relationships have more depth and substance.
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Last edited by NeonKaos; 12-16-2009 at 04:34 PM.
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Old 10-30-2009, 08:16 PM
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Default Unicorns

Unicorn (n) syn: Hot-Bi-Babe or HBB (one of several definitions...but this gets the general gist.)

Quote:
Originally Posted by SeventhCrow View Post
The unicorn is a hot bi-babe just sitting and waiting for a couple to come along so she can jump into a relationship with them. Sometimes spotted with Bigfoot and the Loch Ness Monster...and other mythical creatures.

The term "unicorn hunting" applies to couples who decide they want to try poly and figure they'll just find a girlfriend for both of them, someone who is unattached to anybody else and just looking for a couple. Such a creature is very, very rare.

Now, that said, it is not uncommon to find triads where a bi babe does get involved with a couple. Those sort of happen without the hbb actually looking for a couple, however--she meets one or the other first, usually, finds a connection there and then connects with the other half of the couple.

It's fairly easy to find a bi babe in the poly community. She's typically already involved with somebody, however, which removes her from the ranks of unicorns. She's also unlikely to bond equally with both halves of a couple, which also removes her from the ranks of unicorns. It appears from here that most bi babes falling in with a couple exclusively weren't actively poly prior to that and just fell into it, as she wasn't looking for a couple to join (which, again, means she's not a unicorn).

There are some folks who call any bi babe who joins up with a couple a unicorn. That, however is inaccurate, as it doesn't fulfill all the requirements of essential unicorn nature.

Not that it really matters. The unicorn thing is nothing more than a bit of community humor aimed at the naivete of some folks just beginning their poly journey. It's the poly equivalent of the Prince on the white horse rescuing the princess and living happily ever after.

If a couple finds an actual unicorn--woohoo, happy ending! If they find a hbb who doesn't qualify as a unicorn--woohoo, happy ending! If they find other arrangements that work--woohoo, happy ending!

I'm a sucker for happy endings.
I'll also add the unicorn hunters flowchart for posterity. Remember...this is tongue in cheek...for many couples I think this is the gateway through which they'll pass to a better understanding of themselves & each other....one way or another.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Erosa
LOL This is a helpful thread to me.

I was rolling on the floor laughing at the 'unicorn hunters flow chart' though.



Quote:
Originally Posted by Ceoli View Post
I'd laugh a bit harder if it didn't hit so close to reality!
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Last edited by NeonKaos; 12-16-2009 at 04:50 PM.
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Old 11-04-2009, 03:24 AM
Ceoli Ceoli is offline
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Also, in BDSM terms, tops and bottoms can be different from Dominants and submissives. Generally, with tops and bottoms, the top can administer the play (spanking, flogging..etc) and the bottom receives it, but this is without power exchange. The Bottom does not relinquish psychological control and has authority throughout the activity.

Dominants and submissives can do the same activities yet with them there is a power exchange involved. The submissive surrenders their authority to the Dominant and the Dominant has a certain amount of psychological control.

I'm only clarifying that because lots of people think that in order to participate in such play that they have to boss around or be bossed around or have to buy into the power exchange idea and that can sometimes turn people off. It's nice to know that there doesn't always have to be a power exchange to enjoy such play. For instance, I really enjoy bottoming, but I am not submissive.

Quote:
Originally Posted by sea View Post
Ceoli, would this not then be ' topping from the bottom'?
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ceoli View Post
Topping from the bottom can happen when there is a power exchange involved and the person who relinquished their power in the play finds various ways to hang onto their power during the play, generally in manipulative ways. But when there is no power exchange involved, it's a bit of a different dynamic.

Last edited by NeonKaos; 12-16-2009 at 04:28 PM.
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Old 11-11-2009, 11:37 AM
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"Theoretical polyamory" is an expression I made up on the fly JUST for Legion :


It's when you and your partner agree to "be polyamorous" but one of you doesn't actually want the other to PRACTICE it.

In other words, you are "allowed" to see other people, but the constraints and stipulations are so unrealistic that you are unable to do so without violating the other person's "trust" or "boundaries" somehow.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Ceoli View Post
"Poly-in-theory" is a term often used for couples who first declare they're poly and decide to go unicorn hunting without any practical experience in polyamory too.

Last edited by NeonKaos; 12-16-2009 at 04:30 PM.
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Old 11-12-2009, 03:39 AM
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Limerence: A floaty, manic, excited, feeling that often arises after meeting or spending time with someone who you are recently attracted to. Also, a fluttering heart, or butterflys in the stomach are symtoms of the feeling. Not to be confused with New Relationship Energy as limerence can be experienced outside of a relationship, such as a crush.

Polysaturated: A state of being polyamorous but not seeking additional partners because of the number of existing partners or because of the time constraints that adding a new relationship would create.


(not to be confused with polyunsaturated, which would kinda be me )

Last edited by NeonKaos; 12-16-2009 at 04:37 PM.
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Old 11-12-2009, 04:20 AM
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Limerence - synonym = twitterpation ?


Also:

COWBOY: Colloquial A monogamous man who engages in a relationship with a polyamorous woman with the intention of separating her from any other partners and bringing her into a monogamous relationship.
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Old 11-15-2009, 10:53 PM
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Talking Monogamonster

I made up this term in this context after PolyGuy began to express what sounded to my new-to-poly ears something like fears of the "boogie man."

Seeing me as someone that had only a mono past, he expressed concern that I might be seduced away from an openness to be in relationship with him by some unspecified mono person that I might meet and date in the future. He apparently had some experience with this happening.

The Monogamonster, then, is the spectre of monogamy that threatens a poly relationship, but may refer to monogamous partners who may raise that spectre should a poly person become attached to them.

Interestingly, I actually did have something of a Monogamonster run-in right about the time I saw the new Where the Wild Things Are movie, so now, in my mind, the Monogamonster looks like Carol, the jealous possessive character in that movie. :P
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Old 11-27-2009, 08:33 AM
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Default Monomour

Monomour - monogamous partner in a mono-poly relationship. Shares sexual/romantic affections with a single partner who knowingly has other loves.

Shares some possessive traits of the Monogamonster but has no hidden agenda to convert poly partner. Is the exact opposite of the Cowboy in that the monomour relies on the maintenance of existing relationships to avoid becoming a Monogamonster.

Pronunciation ; mon-oh-more
Origins; MonoVCPHG
References; Monopedia
See; monogamy, monotony, mine-mine-mine, things to avoid, wet blanket, WTF?!!
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