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  #31  
Old 11-17-2011, 05:39 PM
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AnnabelMore AnnabelMore is offline
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I don't want to fight -- I respect you a lot, I think you're giving great advice, and we're hijacking the thread. You're keeping an open mind such that you can give advice on something you personally dislike to someone who needs it and that's admirable.

I spoke up because I found the word distasteful to be an unnecessary thing to put out there to the OP. It means "causing dislike or disgust; offensive; unpleasant", and the people who practice D/s *know* that lots of people feel that way, it seems harsh to point it out needlessly. I am probably being over-sensitive as you said you felt that way about the scene, not about any particular practice or type of person, but that scene is many people's home, y'know.

For someone who says she doesn't want to hijack the thread, I sure as hell can't shut up. *sigh* Sorry, OP.
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  #32  
Old 11-17-2011, 08:38 PM
FireChild FireChild is offline
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*clears throat*

I like you. You seem like a really nice person and your screen name warms a very special corner of my fatty fat heart. Because of this I want you to listen to me carefully. I will preface my words with the acknowledgement that sometimes the heart wants what it wants and that no one can tell you how to live your life.

This. Motherfucker. Ain't. Shit. Leave him immediately. He doesn't respect you, your body OR your feelings. His other girlfriend is a straight up certified bitch but if he is so easily swayed that a snatch can cause him to forsake all integrity and moral bearings then guess what? He STILL ain't shit AND he's weak to boot.

You can do better.
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  #33  
Old 11-18-2011, 04:44 AM
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SchrodingersCat SchrodingersCat is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by BaconWrappedCupcakes View Post
Probably. I keep feeling like if I can 'forget' about her and focus on him that it'll get better.
Focus on this: He is a liar. He is untrustworthy. He played with your safety like a cat with a ball of yarn.

I understand that you want to forgive him and pretend that everything will be ok if you can just forget about it.

Will you still feel that way if he infects you with HIV? What if you're in a scene and he ignores your safe word because that would spoil his fun?

This has absolutely nothing to do with her. Nothing. It's about the scumbag loser that he is, for lying about something so obviously important to you.
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  #34  
Old 11-18-2011, 04:48 AM
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SchrodingersCat SchrodingersCat is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by nycindie View Post
The fact that a guy like that could be domming anyone is another reason why I find the whole D/s scene distasteful -- seems like there should be a test you should pass or an apprenticeship to undergo before being allowed to do it.
There are scumbags in every scene, every walk of life. If anything, people in the lifestyle are in a better position to protect themselves because there is information and education available. Think of all the teenage girls getting convinced by their boyfriends to forego protection, under the guise of "it's ok baby, I'm a virgin too." When people get involved in the lifestyle, and someone with experience notices how naive they are, it's not uncommon to take them through a crash course of self-protection.

Education is really what's more important than apprenticeship. I mean, electricians and contractors go through apprenticeships, but that doesn't stop some of them from cutting corners to save a buck. At the end of the day, the "consumer" has to be self-educated and aware of the situation.
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Gralson: my husband (works out of town).
Auto: my girlfriend (lives with her husband Zoffee).

The most dangerous phrase in the English language is "we've always done it this way."
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  #35  
Old 11-21-2011, 01:09 AM
BaconWrappedCupcakes BaconWrappedCupcakes is offline
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I'm sorry I haven't replied in a few days, been away from the computer. During this time I had the opportunity to see my BF and the original plan was to be intimate. As the day drew closer I found myself torn with the idea of being with him sexually.
I now see that sitting with him at a restaurant I can handle but even just thinking about being sexual with him has my stomach turning.
We ended up just going to the park and talking for a while. We disscussed that situation again but nothing came of it. He again spent the day that should be mine with her, which I assumed he scheduled it that way since he wasn't getting sex from me.

He's supposed to call in a little while to talk about this again. But I know my stance and how I feel isn't going to change. He just isn't getting it, but I probably added to that by trying to pretend that everything was ok when it wasn't.

I think that for the first time I realized that I will never be ok with this and that I have to begin the process of moving on.
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  #36  
Old 11-21-2011, 03:36 PM
Minxxa Minxxa is offline
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Good for you BWC for listening to your instincts. Still, that doesn't mean it doesn't suck. :-/

Pain does fade, though, and we all have to learn these little lessons. It helps us define our boundaries better and that helps us choose better partners and protect ourselves better.
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  #37  
Old 11-21-2011, 05:32 PM
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Magdlyn Magdlyn is offline
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It's so hard to find a good Dom. Goodness knows, my gf has been looking for a Master for the almost 3 years we've been together, on several websites (ok cupid, collarme and Fetlife) and in real life, and has found nothing but Dom-asses.

We are friends with 3 couples and one triad tho, who have healthy Master/slave relationships, that are respectful and full of balance and good health. So, it's not impossible to find this!

Good for you for sticking up for yourself, Bacon. Keep your standards high!
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