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  #11  
Old 11-16-2011, 12:40 AM
bulrush bulrush is offline
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Most people get nervous when it's a new experience. That's normal.
  1. Do you think you are nervous because it's just a new experience?
  2. Have you heard them before when you didn't all live together?
  3. What changed?
  4. How do you feel if you watched AND heard them?
  5. If you all loved and trusted each other, wouldn't you want to be there and watch?
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  #12  
Old 11-16-2011, 05:39 AM
PolyAus PolyAus is offline
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I think the other posters have raised valid questions, however I'd like to reiterate that asking them to be quieter *really* isn't a big deal. As someone who has always lived in shared houses and often been involved in relationships where there are children in the house, having quiet sex could not be less of a problem. If you're going to bring it up it might be better to do so in a lighter way though - "hey, partner of mine - it keeps me awake when I hear you having sex with your sweetie. Can we please work out how to make my room more soundproof and would you mind keeping it down a little when I'm in the house?".
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  #13  
Old 11-16-2011, 07:36 AM
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SchrodingersCat SchrodingersCat is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Anneintherain View Post
and sex can still be perfectly fun (even sometimes more fun for some people) if you have to be focusing on being quieter.
Oh boy not me... I've tried... it usually results with me stuffing my face into pillows and trying to squeak more than scream. Very difficult and rather distracting. It's gotten much worse since we bought a house *grin*

When my husband (then-boyfriend) and I moved out of my mother's place, the neighbours downstairs made some comment about how they would finally be able to sleep in peace. Teeheewhoops!

Note to self: no live-in girlfriends in the cards...
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  #14  
Old 11-16-2011, 10:30 PM
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I too don't think its you. If you don't like hearing it, you don't like hearing it. That may change but for now it sounds like having a discussion letting them know that you would appreciate it if they could keep the sex for times when you aren't next door or when you aren't there you'd appreciate it because it totally bugs you right now. Sounds like a reasonable request to me. If its not possible then requesting that you all work on ways to work around it would be my next request.

I'm not sure why it has become an issue in your mind. Perhaps if you take the stimulus out of the equation you will figure out why and be able to work on that. If in fact there is a reason.

Personally I would not like that and that is that. I don't feel I have an issue to work on, I just don't want to hear others have sex. End of story, full stop. You don't have to have a reason either.
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  #15  
Old 11-18-2011, 05:59 AM
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On a somewhat related note... this is one of those things you need to think about before you move in with someone. And I don't just mean cohabiting in a romantic relationship. I mean, move in with anybody.

I'm hoping to move to Vancouver next fall, and we were considering buying a 2-br condo and renting out the other room to cut costs. Then I remembered that I'm super noisy in bed and don't want to stifle myself. Then I realized I probably don't want to hear my roommates have sex either. That put the kibosh on that plan in under 30 seconds...
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  #16  
Old 11-20-2011, 07:51 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by SchrodingersCat View Post
I'm hoping to move to Vancouver next fall, and we were considering buying a 2-br condo and renting out the other room to cut costs. Then I remembered that I'm super noisy in bed and don't want to stifle myself. Then I realized I probably don't want to hear my roommates have sex either. That put the kibosh on that plan in under 30 seconds...
Soundproofing rooms is a science that, when done correctly, really does work.
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  #17  
Old 11-23-2011, 12:52 AM
cheryl cheryl is offline
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Sometimes I wonder if we blame ourselves or over analyze things that are perhaps just physiological responses to things. I don't even like the sound of strangers having sex in a hotel room next to me if I'm alone, and I don't even know them! For some reason it makes me feel this weird combination of lonely/anxious. So if it was my significant other, I imagine the reaction would be even stronger. But it doesn't necessarily mean you are jealous or insecure or not accepting of the situation.

I've gotten to know my BF's GF better these past few weeks. She's a nice person. The three of us even spent a day together and had dinner out. It went fine. I felt completely comfortable. But another evening when we stopped by her place, he went inside to talk to her, and I stayed in the car. I saw him glance out the window to see if I was looking and then they moved away from the window for a few minutes, and I started to shake. It felt exactly like you describe, like a panic attack. And I can't explain it either, because I know he cares about her, I know they have sex, this has all been out in the open for quite a while, so why should seeing that bother me now? What's really unnerving about it is that it feels like such a physical reaction that you can't "reason" your way out of. I don't have an answer, but you aren't alone. And I suspect that even if you insulate better, you will find yourself just listening closer.

Last edited by cheryl; 11-23-2011 at 12:54 AM.
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