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Old 11-15-2011, 06:47 PM
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Derbylicious Derbylicious is offline
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Although it might not be terribly useful part of the reason you're getting the response you are is because so many married/partnered women who are on dating sites are looking for someone to share with their husband or to have another woman to put on a show for their husband. Because of this a lot of women out there are very reluctant to meet a woman who is married or in a long term partnership with a man.

If you can move off the dating sites and either go out into the world and do things that you like and meet people that way or if that's too difficult for you socially find some on line communities where you can talk to people and be friendly. Eventually the right people will come into your life.
Everything will be ok in the end. If it's not ok it's not the end.
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Old 11-18-2011, 06:13 AM
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SchrodingersCat SchrodingersCat is offline
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Originally Posted by FireChild View Post
Yep. And I'm hit with the "That sounds like a lot of drama", "I said no men and no couples and no watching" and "Well I hope you find what you're looking for but I need someone 100% focused on me".
First and third responses are fair and reasonable.

Let's face it, Poly is a lot of drama :P It's not as straightforward as monogamous dating. And people on dating sites are often looking for a life partner. You have a life partner, so it's unlikely you'll be able to fill that "void" in their lives, at least from their perception. Of course, my belief is that this whole approach is wrong: you always find the best things when you aren't looking. But dating sites wouldn't be the cash cows that they are if everyone realized that...

And the third response is also fair. It's honest. You're not what they're looking for. They're not looking for a poly relationship and they're not looking for friends. No, there's nothing wrong with more friends. But one guy put it fairly: he wanted to date me, was cool with the poly thing, but I just wasn't into him and I asked if we could just be friends. He said, he already has friends and he doesn't have a ton of spare time for more friends, that he's really just looking for a girlfriend. See above regarding looking for girlfriends, but I respected where he was at the time.

The second response is likely just exasperation with the countless couples that look for threesomes, under the guise of a woman looking for a woman. That's not your fault, but you are a casualty unfortunately.

Originally Posted by AnnabelMore View Post
Maybe hold off on the poly disclosure.
This part worried me until you said...

Originally Posted by AnnabelMore View Post
Like, really, set all the dating desires aside, and *just* seek to broaden your circle of friends.
And then I agreed completely :> Seriously, the best things come when you aren't looking. Dating sites are full of desperate people looking for something extremely specific. If you don't fit perfectly into the box of what they think they want, they don't want to waste their time. However, it's been my experience that what I think I want is rarely what I end up really enjoying.

As for the social awkwardness and difficulty meeting people, try some "common interest" meetup groups. meetup.com is one source. With a specific topic to discuss, it makes breaking the ice much easier, plus you already know you have something in common which is half the challenge of forming friendships.
As I am sure any cat owner will be able to tell you,
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Old 11-18-2011, 04:22 PM
FireChild FireChild is offline
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In regards to the third response I try not to reach out for people who aren't also looking for friends. Like if there's two redheads who are into video games and one of them is looking for just a LTR and the other one is open to friends, FWB, LTR or whatever; I'm going with the second one. Because even if she's not open to dating a poly woman I'd love to have more friends I can be open around in regards to my being poly and being bisexual. I feel like people saying they're looking for friends and/or more are lying in a way. If you're open to friends provided they could be potential mates down the road then say that. Don't say you're open to friend no matter.
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