Polyamory.com Forum  

Go Back   Polyamory.com Forum > Polyamory > Poly Relationships Corner

Notices

Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
  #21  
Old 12-11-2009, 05:42 PM
Mark1npt Mark1npt is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: May 2009
Location: Sunny FL
Posts: 344
Default

RP....sorry I'm a bit late to the discussion. Like you, I myself feel that I could not get by without my two wonderful women and our "V". They are the perfect compliment to eachother and my life. We all three benefit from eachother in some way everyday. Life wouldn't be the same for any of us, without the whole.

With regards to rediscovery, of my wife and how good it can be....I would say it seems to depend greatly on where she is, with regards to the "V" on any given day. Sometimes she admits she still feels badly/lonely on the nights I am with my OSO and not her....then there are other days where she's happily arranging mine/my OSO's schedule so she knows we'll have a great time that night whilst she's off to a chick flick by herself.

On those days she's troubled, I find it hard to be intimate with her because of guilt. On the good days, I love her all the more because she's so giving of her time and love to the "V". She desperately wants us all to be happy, even if it means there's times she's not completely with the program. Does that make sense?
Reply With Quote
  #22  
Old 12-11-2009, 06:37 PM
redpepper's Avatar
redpepper redpepper is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: Canada
Posts: 7,639
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Mark1npt View Post
RP....sorry I'm a bit late to the discussion. Like you, I myself feel that I could not get by without my two wonderful women and our "V". They are the perfect compliment to eachother and my life. We all three benefit from eachother in some way everyday. Life wouldn't be the same for any of us, without the whole.

With regards to rediscovery, of my wife and how good it can be....I would say it seems to depend greatly on where she is, with regards to the "V" on any given day. Sometimes she admits she still feels badly/lonely on the nights I am with my OSO and not her....then there are other days where she's happily arranging mine/my OSO's schedule so she knows we'll have a great time that night whilst she's off to a chick flick by herself.

On those days she's troubled, I find it hard to be intimate with her because of guilt. On the good days, I love her all the more because she's so giving of her time and love to the "V". She desperately wants us all to be happy, even if it means there's times she's not completely with the program. Does that make sense?
Yes that makes sense. My husband, I think, is lonely sometimes when I am not at home but as we live together and not with Mono it is not very often. He seems to feel that way when life has been too busy for us to connect as much as we would like and then I go to Mono's house and it rubs it in a bit. Really its not much more than any couple feels when life is too busy sometimes to come together and just be.

It is also a personality thing too as my husband enjoys his private down time and often goes to bed early just to read and sleep early. Mono and I are similar in that we are night owls. Quite often we are up until 1 where as my husband will be in bed at 9. We are fortunate in that our schedules work well. Mono is off at 3 and I am with him by 3.30. We have until 5 when I pick up the boy. That is family time for me, the boy and the husband. We have until 8 when the boy goes to bed. After that I spend time with both men or one or the other, either physically, on-line or on the phone.

We have experienced that guilt you mention. For me also the stability of our "V" does depend on his happiness a great deal. It has helped that my husband keeps his thoughts to himself on that if its just a little bit for him. It has meant that he doesn't block the love I give him that way. When he is needy or lonely or wanting my attention I don't feel like I can be open or intimate in the way he requires. When he deals with some of that himself (within reason of course) by going out and doing something about it rather than putting it on me then I am all over him. I find that very appealing. Of course there are some times that he should be needy, I'm talking in generals here.

Hope that makes sense? I don't think any of that is unique to poly anyway. It's more about any relationship for me, poly or mono.
__________________
Anyone want to be friends on Facebook?
Send me your name via PM
My blog
Reply With Quote
  #23  
Old 12-11-2009, 08:23 PM
LovingRadiance's Avatar
LovingRadiance LovingRadiance is offline
Moderator
 
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Alaska
Posts: 5,441
Default

You all are making sense to me!

I really don't do "clingy" well at all. If my lover is clingy and needy-my gut instinct is to run the OTHER direction-any other direction.
When they are "on top of their game" and taking care of their emotional needs, keeping themself busy and handling their own shit, then I find that VERY VERY sexy and appealing.

I think it's VERY important in ANY type of relationship that both partners really self-examine their actions/emotions to be sure that their actions back up and validate their OWN responsibility for THEIR OWN emotions.
__________________
"Love As Thou Wilt"
Reply With Quote
  #24  
Old 12-12-2009, 01:32 AM
Mark1npt Mark1npt is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: May 2009
Location: Sunny FL
Posts: 344
Default

It's amazing the similarities in all our relationships, RP. For me, as a man, a little bit of clingy is not a bad thing. Makes me feel m-a-n-l-y....My wife isn't very clingy, my OSO can very much be. The night owl thing I def identify with. My wife doesn not want to be awakened at night,.... my OSO? Anytime!

My wife lately has been feeling the need to just sit and talk and connect more, while at the same time, my OSO is needing more emotional support to get thru her first Christmas and Anniversary without her husband of 32 years and her only child off to college. Many nights it's all 3 of us just holding hands on the sofa watching TV......

Doesn't sound like the young swinging scene of many of our forum readers, does it???? But by and large it works, and our lives are richer for it.
Reply With Quote
  #25  
Old 12-12-2009, 03:09 AM
redpepper's Avatar
redpepper redpepper is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: Canada
Posts: 7,639
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Mark1npt View Post
Many nights it's all 3 of us just holding hands on the sofa watching TV......

Doesn't sound like the young swinging scene of many of our forum readers, does it???? But by and large it works, and our lives are richer for it.
Oh I think I am secretly in love with you right now Mark

This is the sweetest thing and I love that image. That is just my speed right now too... snuggly and warm on the couch all arms and legs and blankies.
__________________
Anyone want to be friends on Facebook?
Send me your name via PM
My blog
Reply With Quote
  #26  
Old 12-12-2009, 04:03 AM
LovingRadiance's Avatar
LovingRadiance LovingRadiance is offline
Moderator
 
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Alaska
Posts: 5,441
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Mark1npt View Post
It's amazing the similarities in all our relationships, RP. For me, as a man, a little bit of clingy is not a bad thing. Makes me feel m-a-n-l-y....My wife isn't very clingy, my OSO can very much be. The night owl thing I def identify with. My wife doesn not want to be awakened at night,.... my OSO? Anytime!

My wife lately has been feeling the need to just sit and talk and connect more, while at the same time, my OSO is needing more emotional support to get thru her first Christmas and Anniversary without her husband of 32 years and her only child off to college. Many nights it's all 3 of us just holding hands on the sofa watching TV......

Doesn't sound like the young swinging scene of many of our forum readers, does it???? But by and large it works, and our lives are richer for it.
It's funny cause seriously-clingy drives me nuts even in my kids.
That said-they are ALL (men and kids alike) clingy when they don't feel good-but GOD FORBID if I am! Woooo hoooo Mom better hold the fort down NO MATTER WHAT!

On another note-Maca is a "early to bed early to rise" guy and GG and I are both night owls.

No young swinging scene here either. Kind of nice to know there are a few other "families" out there that aren't still "playing"
__________________
"Love As Thou Wilt"
Reply With Quote
  #27  
Old 12-12-2009, 02:01 PM
Mark1npt Mark1npt is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: May 2009
Location: Sunny FL
Posts: 344
Default

LR......yes a "family"......it has a wonderful sound and feeling to it.
Reply With Quote
  #28  
Old 12-13-2009, 01:09 AM
MonoVCPHG's Avatar
MonoVCPHG MonoVCPHG is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: In Redpepper's heart
Posts: 4,742
Default

Family
__________________

Playing the Game of Life with Monopoly rules.
Monogamy might just be in my genes

Poly Events All Over
Reply With Quote
Reply

Tags
long term relationships, new relationships, nre, relationship dynamics, vee

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump


All times are GMT. The time now is 04:43 PM.