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Old 12-08-2009, 08:14 AM
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redpepper redpepper is offline
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It's not the moon, the moon may of been a cause of last weekends drama though as it was full and in Mars.... this week and until the summer it will be in Mars... watch out not to start a war with someone and keep tabs on your tempers folks, it could be a rough ride. Of course difficult communication is a Mercury thing and when it is in retrograde in a time of Mars influence there could be some trouble a brewing...
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Old 12-13-2009, 01:50 AM
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I'm going to say yes it is possible to over communicate sometimes. And because I think this I won't elaborate...that would be over communicating

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Old 08-15-2010, 06:20 AM
Vexxed Vexxed is offline
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I've been thinking about this issue too. I'm reading the book Radical Honesty right now, and the author recommends communicating your feelings every time you feel a strong emotion.

In my situation I often feel insecure. If I talked about it every time, I'd sound like a very negative and weak person.

Other the other hand, I haven't communicated clearly enough about my insecurities.

I think that it is possible to communicate negative emotions too frequently.
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Old 08-15-2010, 10:46 AM
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bimblynim bimblynim is offline
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Wow, what an interesting thread! And freakily I have also been thinking a lot obout this very issue, due to on-going negotiations arround specific friendships. Amasing reading everyone's replies! I have to say I also love the validation I feel from open verbal communication, thanks guys!

In response to OP I wonder if different people just have different styles of eperiencing closeness?
I can totally relate to the high of in depth, honest chats with some one, as this is my primary way of being intimate with people. However I think different people value/experience different forms of closeness to different degrees. For example, Some people find sex to be the pinicle of expressing intimacy. And although of corse you can have both many ways in a relationship, I think verbal connection is only one side of things.

I am not currently in a romantic relationship but have very close friendships and I think the analogy holds. With a couple of friends of mine I have to take that they care through non verbal things that they do (that they leave me little gifts, want to share mutually enjoyed activities with me, in our case walks, holistic massage, cooking and gardening) because they just don't take the same joy/ have the same need for in indepth discussions as we do and as lots of people have already said i think it is really important to accept that. I supose the thing is to recognise your needs in your self and be aware of both your own and your partner(s) styles of intimacy.

it might be worth considering (if you haven't allready) whether you need the indepth chats to be with your partner(s) each time or whether you can use other signs of closeness to share the intimacy of your primary relationship(s) and go elsewhere (in my case to an extent this forum!) to have chats about life the universe and everything?

Peace and love x

Last edited by bimblynim; 08-15-2010 at 10:54 AM.
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Old 08-15-2010, 05:25 PM
AutumnalTone AutumnalTone is offline
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Originally Posted by nikkiana View Post
I feel like I have a tendency to want to initiate communication as soon as I feel anything uncomfortable, even if it's something super minor and not a big deal, just for the sake of communicating because I want the emotional connectiveness that communication brings. ...

I know the poly mantra is "communicate, communicate, communicate!" but is it possible to over-communicate?
You mean, "Is it possible to bug the hell out of one's partners by wanting a Deep Discussion(tm) of everything?"


It's that whole Boy Who Cried Wolf thing--not everything warrants a deep exploration and if one is regularly calling for wolf hunts over angry squirrels, at some point nobody's going to take the cries of "Wolf!" seriously.

It may be a matter of time together. It took Curly a few years to fully understand that when she asked what I felt about something and I said "Nothing" that I reallyreallyreally meant I felt nothing about the topic. It's not a matter of me not being comfortable with my feelings or not wanting to talk about them or any other such hogwash--it means I don't feel any particular way about the topic. If she's wanting or expecting any deep discussion and sharing of feelings...well, that's not going to happen over something that doesn't move me to that sort of sharing. I'll hear what she has to say, certainly, though if I have nothing to say on the matter there won't be much of a conversation.
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Old 08-16-2010, 09:51 PM
HappiestManAlive HappiestManAlive is offline
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Default Is it possible to over-comminicate?

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Old 08-16-2010, 11:14 PM
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idealist idealist is offline
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I would suggest that you take the Myers Briggs test and give it to your partner. One version of the test is at www.humanmetrics.com - take the Jungian Typology Test. If you are an NF then you will desire more introspective emotional commuinications. If your partner is an ST (for example) they will not really enjoy this type of communication. I am an NF and I can discuss thoughts, feelings and ideas every day without ever getting tired or feeling it's too much. Some of my partners are the same and we enjoy these types of communication regularly. Some of my partners are S's and they are not going to engage in lenghty discussions about concepts, feelings, thoughts etc. unless it's neccessary due to a conflict that needs to be resolved or something like that.
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Old 08-22-2010, 01:17 AM
macrylinda1 macrylinda1 is offline
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Originally Posted by GroundedSpirit View Post
Hi Nikki,
I guess maybe you could call it "over" communicating but maybe that's misleading. I think maybe it has more to do with timing and giving equal weight to others needs too. Sometimes a topic may just be "too much" for a particular person at that point in time. They be be internally dealing with their own "stuff" and just not be mentally or emotionally capable of digging in too deep on some complex issue on your mind. That's the message you are probably receiving when you mention you get "acknowledgment but not pursuit".
This is one of the nice things about having a bigger "circle" if you will - a better chance that you may find someone who is available right then to get into the thick of it with you.
If it's an issue primarily involving me and the person I want to initiate the discussion with I generally take the approach of saying, "I've got this thing on my mind the WE need to talk about". Then I'll listen for the "go signal". If I don't get it - I respect that - and leave it with a follow up of "we REALLY need to deal with this - ok ? So let's find a time. Only if I see an intentional effort to avoid the conversation over some time issue will I push it.

That's what works for me....

Odd that my partner and I were having this same conversation last night...is it the moon?

We communicate all the time about everything and though it sometimes seems that we are 'over-communicating' about things we came to the conclusion that this renewed level of conversation is part of what we enjoy about poly in our lives. Again we feel that we are communicating on a deep and meaningful level about our needs and wants, much like we did at the beginning of our relationship, and we both find it incredibly satisfying.

That being said, we often have to make the conscious choice to STOP and focus on other areas of our relationship as well. Fun, kids, sex, life and poly all have to have a place in our lives. We love to beat dead horses but moving on to other things can change our perspective as well.

When I am feeling like I HAVE to talk about things and others are not receptive I try to remember that life is a marathon not a sprint and all things will come in their own time whether I try to force them or not.
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Old 08-22-2010, 02:04 AM
FitChick FitChick is offline
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I was just saying to my partner earlier in the week that the reason we are fighting so much at the moment is because we both make assumptions and don't ask the questions we need to,lack of communication and probably an element of fear I think. He always says he wants to know how I'm feeling but sometimes he can't articulate my fears and tears and ends up feeling helpless. So I guess you have to have the skills to keep the 'doors open' even if you don't understand. I think we have yet to find that medium where we can both express our true feelings and feel safe,we seem to veer between extremes but will sit down to discuss ways to communicate better when I visit next.

Last edited by FitChick; 08-22-2010 at 02:07 AM.
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Old 08-22-2010, 11:13 AM
Confused Confused is offline
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As long as you're allowing the other person to comunicate back, even if you don't like the message (which may be, I'm overloaded with talk right now, lets take a break) then I don't think there is any such thing as overcommunication. Some people may be uncomfortable with the level you communicate at, its not something that is intrinsically wrong though.

It just requires both of you being sensitive to each other's needs, keeping the positive to negative communications (verbal and body language) above the 5 to 1 ratio overall (altho thats not always possible in a single day overall its a good indicator of overall longterm health of your connection) and learning to trust each other's motives for communicating.
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