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Old 11-19-2011, 12:29 AM
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SNeacail SNeacail is offline
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Originally Posted by SanguineSquirrel View Post
Which also kind of sucks because it means we’ve never had makeup sex. But that’s beside the point.
Seriously over rated anyway. OK, maybe just for me. Husband and I have tried the make up sex and I can't do it. Unless sex 3 days post argument counts. I can cuddle and touch, but my body just doesn't welcome sex after a heated argument. My brain must be still processing everything and sometimes finds it hard to get past all the angry "not-so nice" things that were said. The logical side of my brain says things are good now, but the other half is apparently pouting in the corner, refusing to participate.

So, what's my point? If after 20 years, you have never really had make-up sex, don't be too disappointed or upset if it just doesn't work for the two of you.

Last edited by SNeacail; 11-19-2011 at 03:59 AM.
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Old 11-19-2011, 03:51 AM
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Anneintherain Anneintherain is offline
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So I know your wife is really excited about this guy (and I THINK nothing has happened yet between them besides flirting?) but I would be apprehensive about starting out by being involved with a person who doesn't have experience in open relationships, OR is a really good friend.

There are LOTS of poly people here in Seattle, and although it's no guarantee, dating somebody who really understands "can be" safer in some ways than somebody who might try to act like a monogamous boyfriend if he falls for her and the lines are blurry. The first person I really dated when I was previously married had been poly for 20+ years, so I got to learn a lot from him, his knowledge of healthy boundaries was good and he understood that I wasn't unhappy with my marriage and hoping I'd run away with him. On top of that, he introduced my husband to an awesome chick to date.

So maybe she and you want to check out (if you haven't already) okcupid.com and search for poly/amory in the area. I am sure that you would find both friends at the least. I have been to the CSPC poly potluck once, but not to the other couple of local meeting things - if whatever you find isn't to your liking, there are lots of other options to network. I think how much fun you have may depend on how outgoing you are feeling at the time.

Only thing that I'd say is when you say she'd like the chance to flirt and "act on anything that might come up" is...are you OK with that? Have you talked through safe sex agreements, do you think that if she came home and told you she'd done X act, you'd be unhappy? or that you'd punish her in some way for doing more than you thought she'd do? Lets say the acting on something was checking into a motel after hockey and having sex - if you aren't clear about what you are or aren't comfortable with you could always be in for a rude surprise. I stress this partially because she has stated that your sex life is not for better terms - as big of a factor in your relationship for her as you thought it was, so it's always possible if she has sex with somebody else it could be more stressful now that you know this.

My husband and I talk about things ahead of time, if we are dating somebody and wanted to move from kissing to making out, or from making out to getting naked, we'd let the other person know ahead of time, so there weren't big surprises...it'd sure suck to have had a crappy day at work and come home to find out that your partner jumped a few moves ahead of where you were comfortable with. That leads to unnecessary potential for arguments and can make things that aren't really that big a deal into being a big deal.

Good luck!
Happiness will never come to those who fail to appreciate what they already have.
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Old 11-20-2011, 07:42 AM
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SchrodingersCat SchrodingersCat is offline
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Originally Posted by SanguineSquirrel View Post
Thanks for the posts back so far! B's wanted some time of not-talking about everything so I've been trying my best to not think about things. So I've been trying to not read posts/forums as much.
I've found I can never really turn off my brain. At times like that, the forum is the best place I can turn because I can vent and people will talk to me, even when my husband has had is fill of talking...

Originally Posted by SanguineSquirrel View Post
In 12 years of knowing each other, we’ve pretty much always managed to be on the same page. And the couple of times we haven’t we’ve quickly come to terms and there wasn’t really much to worry/fight about. Which also kind of sucks because it means we’ve never had makeup sex.
We've never had makeup sex either. I'm the type of person to get really worked up over something, have a small freakout (getting better at not having those) and then get over it, all in the span of like 8-14 minutes. My husband is the type to mull things over for hours if not days, and not get over it until he's figured out why everything happened the way it did. So post-argument, he's still hurt and upset when I'm ready to cuddle and makeup. By the time he's over it, I've completely forgotten that we even had an argument (because it's 12-72 hours later).
As I am sure any cat owner will be able to tell you,
someone else putting you in a box is entirely different
from getting into a box yourself.
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Old 11-21-2011, 05:32 PM
dingedheart dingedheart is offline
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Is this a situation where she found someone and as a result she then pushed for opening up? Or during your exploration something changed...awakened, died ...and then went looking for another guy?

The weekend emotions could be 1) amount of time you have to think on the topic(s). 2) the activities you witness her being involved in. 3) Both 1and 2 .

On this roller coaster ride do you have happy and joyous moments? Or is it all straight down.
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