Polyamory.com Forum  

Go Back   Polyamory.com Forum > Polyamory > Poly Relationships Corner

Notices

Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
  #31  
Old 11-10-2011, 10:04 AM
bassman bassman is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: Surrey UK
Posts: 262
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by AnotherConfused View Post
The upshot: I feel less judged now and more loved. He's ok with me spending time with these guys, as long as I'm giving enough time to my family first. He's ok with me kissing them, as long as it's not in our home and as long as no one sees. He's not ok with me having sex or any other STD-risky activity. He's leaving the gray area in between up to me, with discretion and keeping it out of our home of utmost importance. I am very happy with this. It's not terribly different from what we had before, but this time I feel like I understand him much better, and he understands me. And wow, I love him for it.
Hooray, huni, this is THE most brilliant news !!!
__________________
Male M, struggling noob.
Reply With Quote
  #32  
Old 11-11-2011, 02:16 AM
AnnabelMore's Avatar
AnnabelMore AnnabelMore is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2010
Posts: 2,229
Default

I'm SO happy for you guys!!! Eeeeeee.

That bit about him kissing you awake was just lovely. I think your story is a great example of how the communication that successful poly forces you to do can really strengthen your relationship in ways you'd never have expected. You sought love from other men to fill the gap in love from your husband... and in the end, through the whole process, he was finally able to understand what you needed from *him* as well as allow you the freedom to have you have what you want from others!

Beautiful.
__________________
The major players. Me, 30ish bi female. Gia, girlfriend of 4+ years. Clay, boyfriend/dom. Davis, ex/friend/"it's complicated." Eddie, roommate & fwb.
The supporting cast. Eric, Gia's husband. Bee, Gia and Eric's toddler. Dexter, Gia's lover. Helen, Eric's lover. Izzy and Nikki, Clay's partners. Liam, Eddie's husband.
Reply With Quote
  #33  
Old 11-11-2011, 04:51 AM
Magdlyn's Avatar
Magdlyn Magdlyn is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Metro West Massachusetts
Posts: 3,460
Default

I sure hope he keeps it up until it becomes natural for him.

I was beginning to wonder if he had Asperger's
__________________
Love withers under constraint; its very essence is liberty. It is compatible neither with envy, jealousy or fear. It is there most pure, perfect and unlimited when its votaries live in confidence, equality and unreserve. -- Shelley

me: Mags, 58, living with:
miss pixi, 37, who is dating (NRE):
Master, 32
my bf: Ginger, 61, married to:
Robin, 60 (mono)
and dating (NRE): Carla and David, married couple, early 40s
Reply With Quote
  #34  
Old 11-11-2011, 05:17 AM
AnotherConfused AnotherConfused is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 264
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Magdlyn View Post
I sure hope he keeps it up until it becomes natural for him.

I was beginning to wonder if he had Asperger's
Funny! Part of our conversation that night was me asking if he thought he had mild Asperger's. He said yes, he thinks he probably does. It's mild though, if it is that.

What are we, two days in to feeling good about the marriage? Things are still sweet. We're just being so much kinder to each other.
Reply With Quote
  #35  
Old 11-11-2011, 10:09 AM
bassman bassman is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: Surrey UK
Posts: 262
Default

I love the title of this thread. Not sure if my wife and I will ever be in a poly situation, but the title is really going round in my head all the time.

I need to go at my wife's pace, not mine. There is hope, she recently opened up in many ways. But I need to keep pushing gently, and at her pace!
__________________
Male M, struggling noob.
Reply With Quote
  #36  
Old 11-12-2011, 05:50 PM
redpepper's Avatar
redpepper redpepper is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: Canada
Posts: 7,633
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by bassman View Post
I love the title of this thread.
The title is a common theory in poly... just so you know. Its a suggestion in the "lessons" thread that can be found if you do a tag search for it.
__________________
Anyone want to be friends on Facebook?
Send me your name via PM
My blog
Reply With Quote
  #37  
Old 11-17-2011, 05:13 PM
AnotherConfused AnotherConfused is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 264
Default

Well, yesterday I spent time with one of my other loves for the first time since my husband and I came to our nice agreement. I explained the rules: we must be discreet, we can't be intimate at my house, but otherwise as long as we aren't having sex or oral sex we have some leeway. Then we discovered how this plays out for us. Since he lives 5 hours away and my husband wouldn't want me there overnight, I can't see him at his house. So take away my house, his house, and public places, and we are left with... ?? We ended up trying to cuddle in his car in a roadside turnout, like teenagers. I hate gear shifts!

Any logistical tips? Seems stupid to get a hotel for two hours in the morning, which is often all the time he has, passing through town. In the summer we can just go smooch on a remote trail in the park (I'm not planning to get naked with him), but it was pouring down rain yesterday.

On the upside, my husband and I enjoyed some very hot times at the end of the day. He knew I'd had a visit with my friend but predictably didn't ask for details. Maybe he realized it contributed to my mood, but he definitely didn't seem bothered. Mostly I was focused on him, but sometimes my imagination snuck in images of both of them, and I totally lost count of orgasms.
Reply With Quote
  #38  
Old 11-17-2011, 07:27 PM
redpepper's Avatar
redpepper redpepper is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: Canada
Posts: 7,633
Default

Oh man can I relate. I had sex with Mono in parking lots and bathrooms all over the city! Ya, you get to be very creative. One night it was at a gay bar in the mens bathroom. We were kinda stuck when someone said "heeellllllo! We are waiting for the bathroom!" Ya, they weren't expecting a woman to come out when the door opened, LOL. Not the best moment.

Really there is not much to do but wait and be creative. We did and now we live together. You never know what will happen, but its sure fun thinkin of places and trying them out. that and wait for summer. Remember to pack insect repellent. That would be my advice
__________________
Anyone want to be friends on Facebook?
Send me your name via PM
My blog
Reply With Quote
  #39  
Old 11-17-2011, 07:52 PM
nycindie's Avatar
nycindie nycindie is offline
Moderator
 
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: The Big Apple
Posts: 7,058
Default

If you're going to canoodle in his car, get in the back seat where you won't have to deal with the stick shift.

Do you have no-tell motels near you? The kind that you can book by the hour?

Any abandoned cabins? A campground where you can pitch a tent? Maybe get a house-sitting gig and take advantage...? The beds section in a department store?

When I was first dating my husband, we spent many hot times in movie theaters.
__________________
The world opens up... when you do.

Oh, oh, can't you see? Love is the drug for me. ~Bryan Ferry
"Love is that condition in which another person's happiness is essential to your own." ~Robert Heinlein
Reply With Quote
  #40  
Old 11-17-2011, 07:56 PM
Carma's Avatar
Carma Carma is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: Ohio
Posts: 477
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by AnotherConfused View Post
On the upside, my husband and I enjoyed some very hot times at the end of the day. He knew I'd had a visit with my friend but predictably didn't ask for details. Maybe he realized it contributed to my mood, but he definitely didn't seem bothered. Mostly I was focused on him, but sometimes my imagination snuck in images of both of them, and I totally lost count of orgasms.
Hmm. Upon reading this, I'd say instead of spending a lot of energy figuring out where to have your next escapade with the guy 5 inconvenient hours away.... I'd spend some serious energy planning a hot date with your husband!!!
__________________
Married to Sundance
Boyfriend -- Butch Cassidy
Reply With Quote
Reply

Tags
dadt, mono vs. poly, mono/poly, monogamy, monogamy and polyamory, pace, pacing, reluctant spouse

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump


All times are GMT. The time now is 03:55 AM.