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  #181  
Old 01-07-2012, 08:09 AM
dingedheart dingedheart is offline
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Wow, truly unbelievable. How is this guy different than all the hundreds of partners who come here for advice when their spouse of 14 yrs has an epiphany and wants to screw other people. I can't remember one time where anyone tried to blame the persons culture or country. This is real high brow enlighten thinking....a proud moment for the forum.

Mono, you're from Canada ....you're in the right country what the fuck is wrong with you.

I live in the US ...shit what the fucks wrong with me ( SG dont answer that)...I live where they both live...where she was born and raised. Maybe we should move to India. I'm takin my bike how bout you mono?


No one thinks he a bad guy ...just a jerk who views poly as being sick and perverse stemming from his backward culture. You need to reread what you wrote.... not too nice.

I don't get it... he's been at this a whole month or 2 ... what the fuck is wrong with him he should be ok by now. That's like a poly lifetime. Lots "western " poly folks have cycled through a few people by then.
AC you must NOT be reassuring him enough to compensate for the cultural differences.

Mono how long have you been at this ?...when's Leo going to finally see and feel what you've been blocking. I know it's her choice ...semantics.

AC how long is the standard or average recovery for pericarditis 3 weeks to a month? How long did it take you?

If I was him just like sundance I would touch this place for anything.
Albert brooks in defending your life....high brow and enlighten ...right.

Last edited by dingedheart; 01-07-2012 at 02:58 PM.
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  #182  
Old 01-07-2012, 08:41 AM
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Originally Posted by dingedheart View Post

Mono how long have you been at this ?...when's Leo going to finally see and feel what you've been blocking. I know it's her choice ...semantics.

.
LOL! You got me - I agree that he should be with someone of a mongamous inclination more than a genralization of his cultural background. My bad
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  #183  
Old 01-07-2012, 08:43 AM
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when speaking of culture I was thinking it was about mono culture and poly culture.... Maybe I got it wrong.
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  #184  
Old 01-07-2012, 03:21 PM
dingedheart dingedheart is offline
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Mono, if and when you have a private chat with him how would explain differences on how you feel about RP having sex with Leo and how he feels about AC having sex with C or L.? Sorta the same, right. Except he's allowed more. And in less time.

Maybe RP suggested this for the opposite reason. So he could help/guide you into relaxing your boundary ...to allow naked wrestling and masturbation....wow that would be really clever.
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  #185  
Old 01-07-2012, 04:21 PM
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Mono, if and when you have a private chat with him .
You've got to remember that my relationship works for me because I am not RP's husband. I probably wouldn't be very genuine in trying to convince any husband or wife that they should be ok with their partner being sexually intimate on any level with someone. It doesn't work that way for me; marriage changes things in my heart and mind.
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  #186  
Old 01-07-2012, 04:44 PM
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Dinged, the first post states 'for the past couple years' not months. Other than that, I loved your post.
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  #187  
Old 01-07-2012, 04:57 PM
dingedheart dingedheart is offline
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Yes you are right ....I was referring to the actual physical stuff ....magic fingers. I thought that started late oct or nov.

Last edited by dingedheart; 01-07-2012 at 05:01 PM.
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  #188  
Old 01-07-2012, 06:00 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by MonoVCPHG View Post
LOL! You got me - I agree that he should be with someone of a mongamous inclination more than a genralization of his cultural background. My bad
I think you`ve just been 'Ding-ding-dinged !'



As for the topic,(general answer)...I do think it gets a bit crazy around here with advice on 'hurrying people up'.....With what I do for a living, the regular train of thought when you hit a brick wall in retraining a mindset, is that : 'However long it took them to embrace one mindset, it`ll possibly take just as long to undo it.'

Should it then take 20 years to undo, 20 years of 'societal conditioning' ? ( Which I think we put to much emphasis on, life experience usually accounts for more.) No, most people come along much faster then that. However, I think it gets a bit much, when someone has been married x-amount of years, but is 'frustrated' their spouse is not on board within a years time, so they can do everything they want.

Last edited by SourGirl; 01-07-2012 at 06:06 PM.
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  #189  
Old 01-07-2012, 06:05 PM
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Dinged,
I never said Indian culture was backward, nor did I "blame" it for anything, and I never said AC's husband is a jerk. I would never say things like that! Shit, don't put fucking words in my mouth!

I said AC's husband has been conditioned by his culture just like we all have been, but different cultures have different ideas and belief systems that sometimes clash with others. That was not an elitist or racist thing to say. It wouldn't be accurate to deny that certain cultures are more patriarchal than others, and teach certain ideas about the roles and duties of husbands and wives. I even mentioned that my ex struggled with the culture he was raised in - Italian/Spanish and very strict Catholic.

Anyone who is raised steeped in a strict culture has a hard time challenging or shedding belief systems in order to see options outside what they were taught as something valid, and not bad, evil, perverse, etc. AC has mentioned his background several times in this thread, so it's not like I made this up. Obviously, it is a factor. I know my background and the beliefs I was enculturated with affect me. Does culture not affect you?

Furthermore, I said I think he feels poly is perverse because of these statements by AC:
Quote:
Originally Posted by AnotherConfused View Post
...I feel like my sexual side is so disgusting to him.
Quote:
Originally Posted by AnotherConfused View Post
He said my being in other relationships puts our kids at risk of being victims of pedophiles... To suggest that someone who loves me is likely to be after something so sick and demented... to suggest that someone I love should be held in suspicion...
I don't think anyone thinks AC's husband needs to hurry up and get on the poly train sooner than he is ready. However, you seem to forget that AC has loved the two other men in her life and has been talking to her husband about it for several years. I feel that you belittle her needs by saying this is about her wanting "to screw other people." This is about taking the love she already feels to a physical level, to allow for deeper intimacy and sharing, but you make it seem like it's just about sex for her. There is a distinction. Are you personalizing her situation?
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Last edited by nycindie; 01-07-2012 at 06:08 PM.
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  #190  
Old 01-07-2012, 06:06 PM
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I think you`ve just been 'Ding-ding-dinged !'



.
I should have been spell checked as well
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