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  #11  
Old 11-14-2013, 01:41 PM
Norwegianpoly Norwegianpoly is offline
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To me, my 2 boys are quite enough!

I used to say I could probably see myself having maximum 3 lovers. But then I was thinking my husband plus maybe 2 secondaries (or seconary +tertiary). Now that my boyfriend is quickly becoming my second primary instead, I feel that my time and energy will not suffice for more people. And I feel saturated, very unlike when I was with my sort-of-secondary for 4 years and was having small flings on the side.

My boyfriend does not want me to have any more, and neither my husband I think (my boyfriend for emotional reasons, my husband for more practical). Also, we are considering kids and there is work and hobbies... I guess having lots of lovers would be a bit like having friends only with the sexual/romantic part. I love spending time with my many friends, but I just could not do it like that.

Last edited by Norwegianpoly; 11-14-2013 at 01:45 PM.
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  #12  
Old 08-04-2014, 11:21 PM
leilasi leilasi is offline
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Personally I find that 4 steady partners is the max a person can handle, plus the, well, meaningless (I can't handle any of these). I never had more than 2 at the same time so I can't really say much. Hubby agrees. My perfect picture at this moment is hubby+1 lover
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  #13  
Old 08-04-2014, 11:27 PM
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Inyourendo Inyourendo is online now
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My 2 partners are enough. I have a pretty full plate between work, school, family, and friends
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  #14  
Old 08-05-2014, 12:34 AM
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For us the dynamic we have now is all that we can handle. There are 3 adults and 7 children between all of us plus 2 of us work full time and one goes to school full time while being the stay at home parent. Our resources are used up. There would be nothing left to give to another relationship, at least not in the way we would want to. Could one or all of us possibly find something within ourselves to give another person? Sure, we probably could. But it wouldn't be fair to anyone involved.
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Married to and owned by Bud for 14 years.
Bud is also boyfriend to Sweet Lady. No BDSM element between them as of right now.
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Working toward a future with Sweet Lady as co-primary.
Personal Website with info about me as a person separate from Bud & Sweet Lady.
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  #15  
Old 08-05-2014, 06:17 PM
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Re: vodkafan's post ... a polycule can steadily accumulate more partners, and some intimate networks are quite complex. But I don't know whether those networks formed by a process of gradual accumulation, maybe they mostly formed all at once. In any case, it's not necessarily true that poly groups tend to grow larger and larger. Quite a few stay at three (maybe four) adults pretty much for life.

In fact it can go the other way. Many poly groups shed members here and there, as people change and compatibility consequently changes. It's rather common, for instance, for a group to start out as a quad, then shed a member and turn into a triad or a V.

I don't think you could assign a number to the title "Most Poly Partners Allowed." Everyone is different, and different people have different ranges of how much quality time they want to put into each relationship. Heck some people need less sleep than others. I think "two partners" is a very common limit for a lot of people; yet I know of many poly tangles with 7-10+ adults, often with kids.

In short, the answer to, "How many is too many?" depends entirely on who you ask.
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  #16  
Old 08-07-2014, 01:07 PM
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Magdlyn Magdlyn is offline
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What sucks is when you think your partner has too many partners, but he doesn't realize he is spreading himself too thin until it's too late.

My situation. One gf, one bf. Gf has one bf. But my (now ex) bf had his wife, and me, and was FWBs with my gf, and kept on dating others as well (once his NRE with me and my gf wore off)! In 12 months he dated 6 others, ending up with an ongoing relationship with a married MF couple, who had 3 kids, and wanted only spontaneous last minute dates (which threw off the routine I'd had with bf). Add to that, the new male partner was jealous of his wife being with my bf. He made a rule for only 3way sex, although he was allowed to come over whenever and have sex dates with my bf one on one. Bf's head was spinning with the work at keeping things on a somewhat even keel in this new relationship, and ended up neglecting me and my gf.

He finally admitted to being in over his head. But by that time, I was so hurt and angry at his neglect of me over the previous year, I was ready to break up with him. And I did.
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  #17  
Old 08-08-2014, 02:55 PM
GalaGirl GalaGirl is offline
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Quote:
How many is too many?
However many that goes beyond your resources.

Quote:
Am I just going crazy with this new way of being?
NRE high. Plus "OMG I am poly shipping for real!" High.

Quote:
I am I going to burn out if I take on too much?
That is the definition of burning out.... Taking on too much.

Quote:
Has anyone else had this rush of excitement and wanting it all at once
Yup. Maybe these pitfall articles could help you? Enjoy the rush, but keep it doable so you do NOT burn out?

http://www.practicalpolyamory.com/im..._Polyamory.pdf

http://www.kathylabriola.com/article...u-in-poly-hell

Galagirl

Last edited by GalaGirl; 08-08-2014 at 04:33 PM.
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