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Old 11-14-2011, 02:16 AM
MeeraReed MeeraReed is offline
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Location: East Coast, U.S.
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Originally Posted by OhSnap View Post

So I guess that I'll just have to wait?
Yes, I think you'll just have to wait and be patient and let your wife go through her own process.

Would it help if you try to view emotional withdrawal as a healthy, viable, and necessary process for your wife to go through? Rather than as a "problem" to be fixed?

It sounds like your wife is urging you to get your emotional needs met somewhere else while she internalizes things herself.

If you were interested in sexual gratification, people would be urging you to masturbate...but in this case, you need emotional gratification...so what's the emotional equivalent of masturbation?

Start keeping a journal? Clean out closets? Do craft projects or scrapbook old photos? Write letters to old friends? Spend time pampering yourself? Take a weekend trip somewhere by yourself? Watch tear-jerker movies and let yourself sob and grieve?

I'm just listing things I do when I need to spend time centering my own emotions. The point is to find things that are self-nurturing and renewing.

i.e., finding ways to be alone without being lonely.
Single, straight, female, solo, non-monogamous.
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Old 11-14-2011, 01:30 PM
OhSnap OhSnap is offline
Join Date: Nov 2011
Posts: 6

I'll be okay.

Maybe I worry about her too much...

Last edited by OhSnap; 11-14-2011 at 01:37 PM.
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Old 12-02-2011, 01:02 PM
OhSnap OhSnap is offline
Join Date: Nov 2011
Posts: 6

Well, since this has nothing to do with polyamory, I don't know if I will continue posting here.

My wife is in a much better mood since it's nearly Christmas and New Years, and most of our friends and family will be together. She hasn't been like this since before the stroke.

We went on a little trip last week and had a relatively thoughtful discussion. Something that she really needed was to get out of the house. We actually got pretty physical with each other which is always appreciated.

I understand that this is probably temporary elation but we're enjoying it. We've had more emotional bonding this past week than we've had for the past year.

Anyway, I thought I'd gush a little and throw out another "thank you" for your advice.
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Old 12-02-2011, 05:19 PM
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SNeacail SNeacail is offline
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Glad to hear things are improving.
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Old 12-02-2011, 05:37 PM
Minxxa Minxxa is offline
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Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: California
Posts: 495

That's good to hear!

I would only suggest that instead of worrying about if a moment is temporary, or not... realize it's ALL temporary in the long run!

Enjoy each moment you have together, enjoy the moments you have alone, and somewhere in there no matter what happens, you will still be learning to enjoy each experience life brings.
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