Polyamory.com Forum  

Go Back   Polyamory.com Forum > Polyamory > General Poly Discussions

Notices

Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
  #141  
Old 05-16-2011, 01:22 AM
AutumnalTone AutumnalTone is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Kansas City Metro
Posts: 2,186
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Ariakas View Post
they aren't although some people woud like them to be.
I've often heard that claim made, yet haven't met anybody who matches that description. I've also been accused of that very thing when such is far from the truth.

So, have you actually met somebody who would prefer that the two be mutually exclusive? I have met lots of folk who are adamant about not allowing others to conflate the two; I can't say that any of them have offered up that they'd prefer the two to be exclusive of each other.
__________________
When speaking of various forms of non-monogamy...it ain't poly if you're just fucking around.

While polyamory, open relationships, and swinging are all distinctly different approaches to non-monogamy, they are not mutually exlusive. Folks can, and some do, engage in more than one of them at a time--and it's all good.
Reply With Quote
  #142  
Old 05-16-2011, 01:36 AM
Ariakas Ariakas is offline
Moderator
 
Join Date: Dec 2009
Posts: 2,872
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by AutumnalTone View Post
I've often heard that claim made, yet haven't met anybody who matches that description. I've also been accused of that very thing when such is far from the truth..
Sorry are you asking me if I have met people capable of both swinging and poly? Separately.

Yes I have. I know swingers who fuck to fuck and realize they can love. I have met people who live it like that.

Poly for them is simply a capability, not a life. They don't love everyone that have sex with. And in fact, some might say they prefer sex without the love.

You can also find examples on swing forums and fetlife. Lots of people see non-monogamy as a series of possibilities, instead of requirements.

Unless I am mistaken about what you are asking. Which could be true, my head is a little fried from the goings on in my life.
Reply With Quote
  #143  
Old 05-16-2011, 05:13 AM
nycindie's Avatar
nycindie nycindie is offline
Moderator
 
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: The Big Apple
Posts: 7,209
Default

I am really not sure what the question is here, but I will say (even though I'm not sure if I am answering correctly) that the person I met who first introduced me to polyamory is also a swinger. She and her boyfriend do keep it separate. They have a polyamorous relationship, see other people on an emotionally intimate level, and also regularly go to swing clubs and sex parties together, where they sometimes engage in sex with other people, and sometimes just have sex with each other in that environment.
__________________
The world opens up... when you do.

Oh, oh, can't you see? Love is the drug for me. ~Bryan Ferry
"Love is that condition in which another person's happiness is essential to your own." ~Robert Heinlein
Reply With Quote
  #144  
Old 05-18-2011, 05:43 PM
AutumnalTone AutumnalTone is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Kansas City Metro
Posts: 2,186
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Ariakas View Post
Sorry are you asking me if I have met people capable of both swinging and poly?
Nope. This is the important question:

"So, have you actually met somebody who would prefer that the two be mutually exclusive?"

We have folks on here who are both poly and who also swing. It's nothing unusual. I haven't met anybody who would claim that the two are mutually exclusive nor have I met anybody who says they would want them to be exclusive.
__________________
When speaking of various forms of non-monogamy...it ain't poly if you're just fucking around.

While polyamory, open relationships, and swinging are all distinctly different approaches to non-monogamy, they are not mutually exlusive. Folks can, and some do, engage in more than one of them at a time--and it's all good.
Reply With Quote
  #145  
Old 05-18-2011, 05:53 PM
AutumnalTone AutumnalTone is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Kansas City Metro
Posts: 2,186
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by veganchick View Post
As someone who has been in swinging environments, I'm reluctant to say that swinging is simply "sex" without "love" involved. It CAN be a simple sexual encounter at a club BUT there are also many websites devoted to swingers where the parties involved are truly interested in building a connection prior to meeting. Heck, I've met with couples I've found through online swinging sites for dinner and shared months worth of emails and pictures without ever reaching the "sex" stage. I found couples looking for connections just as common as those wanting that random encounter.
.
Are they establishing romantic relationships? If so, then they're using swinging as a way to find partners for poly. If they're just establishing friendships, then I'd say they're still swinging. Nobody says sportfucking can't be with friends.

Again, folks can swing AND do poly. That doesn't make them the same thing.
__________________
When speaking of various forms of non-monogamy...it ain't poly if you're just fucking around.

While polyamory, open relationships, and swinging are all distinctly different approaches to non-monogamy, they are not mutually exlusive. Folks can, and some do, engage in more than one of them at a time--and it's all good.
Reply With Quote
  #146  
Old 05-25-2011, 03:59 AM
AlexieNichole AlexieNichole is offline
Member
 
Join Date: May 2011
Location: Kent, WA
Posts: 5
Default poly vs swinging

I guess it depends on what you mean by swinging, but my husband before we met thru an online adult site would go to adult parties which from what he told me we essentially swinger parties... not completely anonymous. they each know each other

He's actually been trying for a while to get me interested in going with him sometimes. but I dont have any interest in it. After I started hanging out with a male friend at work and started getting playful with each, my husband thought I might be more interested in going to a party with him

I told him (and my male friend) there is a difference to me. Going to a party and just hooking up with someone for sex vs taking my time to get to know someone and there being an emotional attachment of some type (like with my male friend). I prefer that anytime.

AlexieNichole
Reply With Quote
  #147  
Old 06-15-2011, 04:58 AM
swingers swingers is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2011
Posts: 46
Default would you say that "swing is to poly as promisquity is to mono"

Would you say that the Swinger Life Style has a natural progression into the Polyamoury life style? just the same as partying around, and promisquis hetero sex is (by some people deffinition of regular human life) a natrual steping stone on to a monogomus marrage?

or are there people that are born to be poly, swing, kinky, bi, gay, lesbien, and strait?

or... is it just another attempt to put a label on somthing that is be a fulid progression threw the spectrum of humans exploring our emotions?
Reply With Quote
  #148  
Old 06-15-2011, 05:10 AM
nycindie's Avatar
nycindie nycindie is offline
Moderator
 
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: The Big Apple
Posts: 7,209
Default

Here we go with the word lifestyle again...

No!! I wouldn't ever think that swinging is a "natural" step to take towards polyamory. Yes, swinging is a type of non-monogamy, and polyamory is a type of non-monogamy, but swinging is definitely NOT part of every person's journey into poly (omigosh!!!). It seems lots of swingers wind up drawn to poly because they want more than what swinging offers BUT plenty of poly peeps have never done swinging, never want to swing, and many feel disdain toward it (though many poly peeps also swing and are really into it as well). I think there are lots of ways people find themselves embracing polyamory, and there aren't any specific preliminary stages at which they must begin, in order to "progress" there. Really, you can just jump right in!

And yes, some people feel they are wired poly or wired mono (not my view, though).

Polyamory is about love, not sex.


Also, I don't see the correlation between promiscuity and monogamy. Plenty of people are monogamous without ever having been promiscuous, and plenty people who are promiscuous never wind up monogamous.
__________________
The world opens up... when you do.

Oh, oh, can't you see? Love is the drug for me. ~Bryan Ferry
"Love is that condition in which another person's happiness is essential to your own." ~Robert Heinlein

Last edited by nycindie; 06-15-2011 at 06:22 AM.
Reply With Quote
  #149  
Old 06-15-2011, 05:26 AM
swingers swingers is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2011
Posts: 46
Default

thank you for your reply, this of cours is not my view, but i have seen it alot. but i dare ask, i am a swinger, why do you call it a "type of non-monogomy" instead of a lifestyle? what is wrong with that word?
Reply With Quote
  #150  
Old 06-15-2011, 05:47 AM
nycindie's Avatar
nycindie nycindie is offline
Moderator
 
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: The Big Apple
Posts: 7,209
Default

Well, don't swinging and polyamory both come under the umbrella of non-monogamy? Even though they're very different.

As for the word, "lifestyle" I provided a link in my first post to a thread where we discussed how misleading the term is. The word "lifestyle" in my first sentence leads here: http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=9113

Swinging is a type of non-monogamous sexual activity, but people who swing can lead a variety of different kinds of lifestyles, can't they? Swingers call it a lifestyle, but that is just a way of coining their own terminology and a bit of laziness with the English language.

Polyamory is a way of cultivating multiple loving relationships into one's life, but there is no one lifestyle that represents poly. So many ways to live polyamorously! There could be three, four, five, or many more people involved with each other, of any orientation, gender, what-have-you, living together or not. Poly people can be conservative and religious, liberal hippies and anything in between and beyond. There are numerous types of lifestyles people lead in which these choices can be incorporated, so there is no ONE poly lifestyle. I would say there can be no one swinging lifestyle, although there seem to be practices that are widely shared and understood.

If someone came here and said, "Tell me how to have a poly lifestyle," there is no way to answer that. They would have to look at how they live already and how they could fit polyamory into that.

To get back to your original question, then, isn't it obvious that polyamory is something people can have in their lives without ever swinging first? There are people who consider themselves polyamorous who have non-sexual partners, in fact. If someone just wants to expand and explore loving or being intimate with more than one partner, they certainly don't need to try swinging to get there!
__________________
The world opens up... when you do.

Oh, oh, can't you see? Love is the drug for me. ~Bryan Ferry
"Love is that condition in which another person's happiness is essential to your own." ~Robert Heinlein

Last edited by nycindie; 06-15-2011 at 06:09 AM.
Reply With Quote
Reply

Tags
attachment, commitment, definitions, descriptions, lifestyle, poly, sex, swinging

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump


All times are GMT. The time now is 02:57 AM.