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  #111  
Old 03-02-2010, 04:35 AM
lovebird13 lovebird13 is offline
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Human nature to compare and to judge, but we are evolving....right?
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  #112  
Old 01-28-2011, 11:12 AM
sunilmuse sunilmuse is offline
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Default Polyamory / Swinging

Hi I'm new to poly and feel like a reluctant participant...A woman I met a few months ago is into it. It's been a challenge getting my head around her various lovers and it's made me question our motives.

Is it just about sex or love? What's the difference between polyamory and swinging?

Thanks.

Sunil.
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  #113  
Old 01-28-2011, 02:39 PM
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Magdlyn Magdlyn is offline
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Just my $.02.

Polyamory is about multiple love relationships, or if not full on "being in love," definite fondness.

Swinging seems to be about sex parties, or at the very least, 2 couple wife swapping. Mainstream swinging is about male/female sex. Or FF. MM sex seems to be frowned upon. Devloping feelings of love seems to throw a monkey wrench into the works.

Poly people usually have sex one on one. Whether a MF couple, MM, FF, or transpeople. Occasionally a poly couple will become a triad, and there can be 3way sex. Or not.
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  #114  
Old 01-28-2011, 03:21 PM
sunilmuse sunilmuse is offline
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Hi Magdlyn,

Thanks for that insight..It seems poly is much more about investment in loving relationships rather than just about sex.

How many partners do poly people tend to cultivate, on average? Can the numbers be quite high or does it tend to be 2 or 3 lovers per person in a poly relationship?

Sunil.
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  #115  
Old 01-28-2011, 03:30 PM
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Magdlyn Magdlyn is offline
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Well, it varies, but it seems to me most responsible poly people try not to spread themselves too thin.
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Love withers under constraint; its very essence is liberty. It is compatible neither with envy, jealousy or fear. It is there most pure, perfect and unlimited when its votaries live in confidence, equality and unreserve. -- Shelley

me: Mags, 59, living with:
miss pixi, 37
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  #116  
Old 01-28-2011, 06:59 PM
NeonKaos NeonKaos is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by sunilmuse View Post
Hi Magdlyn,

Thanks for that insight..It seems poly is much more about investment in loving relationships rather than just about sex.

How many partners do poly people tend to cultivate, on average? Can the numbers be quite high or does it tend to be 2 or 3 lovers per person in a poly relationship?

Sunil.

Most of the questions you'll probably ask have been answered here:

http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1830

You should read around on the forum, learn the lingo, etc., and THEN ask questions that have not been answered and/or are specific to your situation.

You're asking some pretty basic questions which suggests to me that you haven't done your "homework" already. There is a lot that has already been written on here which is timely advice and you will find that there are a lot of people who went through the same thing you're going through, who are no longer around to write a brand-new answer in reply to your posts.

(Folks - that was "sugar-coated" for "RTFM")
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  #117  
Old 01-30-2011, 05:03 AM
newdesires newdesires is offline
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Default New to poly

I have been into swinging for many years now & never knew poly existed. I always knew that I preferred to play with a few select men. I discovered poly on a TV special and have been hooked on it since. I am so much more comfortable getting to know a man, trusting him with my heart and body than a stranger. My marriage is and always has been open, my husband however does not feel that he could ever live under one roof but encourages me to seek a constant lover in my life.
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  #118  
Old 01-30-2011, 08:35 AM
Laylah Laylah is offline
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I know for a fact I could NEVER swing. I view poly as a very special commitment with the people involved...... but thats just me. While swinging isnt for us... those that do... no skin off my nose.. just dont expect ME to do that sort of bit.
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  #119  
Old 01-30-2011, 11:05 AM
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candi candi is offline
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Hubby and I swung for 6 years, until we ended up in a Poly relationship. Throughout those years, we always knew that we would like a situation, where we could have a small group of swing friends, that we could do more with, rather than just have sex. Things like hang out, have cookouts, go shopping, etc. We have now been in a relationship, as a quad, for just under a year (anniversary Mar 15th). We have not gone to a party, since. We really enjoy our relationship with our BF/GF. They live two houses up, so we're together all the time...basically live out of two houses. Some of our old crowd of swing friends, wish we would come back, but they don't understand Poly at all. At the end of swinging, I had a BF for about a year and a half, before this relationship started. I now know, that I was Poly all along, I just didn't know it existed, and what I was doing, was not an open relationship. I know that I couldn't go back to swinging, it just isn't me, and it never was.
Neon....we went to Coventry once, talk about a beautiful area...what an awesome place. Friends of ours (swing) actually got married there, in the summer of 09'. It only took us about an hour to get comfortable, and off the clothes came. What an interesting wedding it was, as most could imagine. They had a wonderful buffet that night and a dance, and we were welcomed in, like family. We will be going back this summer, we enjoyed it that much.
Candi
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  #120  
Old 01-30-2011, 11:01 PM
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ray ray is offline
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I'm not really sure what exactly I identify as yet but I do know it's not swinging. I definitely need an emotional connection to be physical with someone. Even to cuddle or hold hands. Last night I was at a club with my SO, OSO and two other friends. My OSO and I haven't ever had any in depth discussion on the relationships, I just let him take care of it with her. Then, last night, a guy invited her and myself to hang out. He knew that she was married and asked her what lifestyle she and her husband (my so) had. She waffled, said they were kind of open. And then he asked her if they were poly and she said, no, definitely not. Inside, I made the face. I was pretty tipsy and I'd never heard her talk about it, so I just let her go with it. But I definitely felt freaked out. She then said that she considered them to be 'kind of swingers.' They do not have sex with random people. Nor do they fuck around with random people. He does stuff with me, but I hardly count as random. She's only ever had sex with him. A lot of their friends are swingers. And I mean, what am I, if they're just 'swinging'? So needless to say, I did not sleep well. I called him this morning and was like WTF? He said he'd ask her about it. So I hope that means that at least he and I are on the same page? I'm not going to assume anything. Ahh, terminology. I think that both swinging and poly are valid but it's pretty clear that not everyone's cut out for both.
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