I'm new to this poly thing, but to me it sounds like n and h need to figure out what is going on in their marriage and either reconnect or decide what each wants. It also sounds like there needs to be more communication about feelings. Perhaps when you communicated he took it as jealousy, or possible that they are feeling guilty? Sometimes body language can cause words to get lost in translation. It also maybe feels like N is confused and not sure what she wants, perhaps jealous of your relationship with H? Some ideas to throw out....