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  #131  
Old 03-02-2011, 10:08 PM
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My answer?

Damn right I would!
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  #132  
Old 03-03-2011, 02:19 AM
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I'm already out...as is my wife. To all of our family....and my work...So it would serve no purpose other than to call attention to myself. "Coming out" has always been a bit of an "issue" to me. For someone to make a huge deal over it, seems to make them out to be an attention grabber, of sorts.

When my wife and I "came out"...it was a gradual thing...and we didn't really make a big "deal" over it. I think it went something along the lines of casually mentioning to a co-worker that I had a date one night. They asked if it was with my wife. I said no, it was with another woman. They asked me to elaborate, and insinuated that they thought I was cheating. I carefully explained to them I was not and that my wife knew, and blah blah blah. Now, everyone at my work knows that I date openly, and my wife is also, and that we are ok with each other doing that. Some think it's cool, others think we're crazy. However, the proof is in the puddin'. We've been married for 20 years now. Obviously, it works for us. And every time I talk to someone about it, I explain to them that this lifestyle is NOT for everyone. Some can't handle it, but it works for my wife and I.

So, I would probably NOT attend or participate in a "coming out" day, as we are already completely out.
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  #133  
Old 03-03-2011, 03:40 AM
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redevil redevil is offline
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Default A dream..

I would LOVE to be able to come out to everyone in my life, those I consider important know and I think I'd be ok with coworkers knowing. However it's not something that either of my guys could ever express at work and because their work is more of a "community" then a job, staying under the radar is a must. Dealing with the idea of remaining "hidden" is something that greatly bothers myself and Monster. For me, it's a big hit to my confidence and a struggle in my relationships. Maybe in another 13 years or so..Heavens even that statement is depressing.
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  #134  
Old 03-03-2011, 06:07 AM
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I came out and sometimes want back in... sometimes the kinda "heuuh" grin I get, you know the one where they think you are a freak and a slut at the same time? just makes me sigh... I get a little over loaded with explaining "what the fuck" every time I talk like they know what I am talking about... like I am hanging out with poly friends. ya know? I forget the ignorance.... it's fucking TIRING!
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  #135  
Old 03-03-2011, 11:58 AM
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Originally Posted by redpepper View Post
I came out and sometimes want back in... sometimes the kinda "heuuh" grin I get, you know the one where they think you are a freak and a slut at the same time?
LOL Being a guy, I kinda LIKE that look. LOL
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  #136  
Old 03-04-2011, 12:06 AM
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LOL Being a guy, I kinda LIKE that look. LOL
Sometimes I don't mind that kind of look, but this is the one where they wouldn't touch you with a ten foot pole.... that kind of slut look.
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  #137  
Old 03-04-2011, 12:18 PM
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Sometimes I don't mind that kind of look, but this is the one where they wouldn't touch you with a ten foot pole.... that kind of slut look.
I knew that. LOL
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  #138  
Old 03-23-2011, 09:50 PM
polynome polynome is offline
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Question How does being out work?

I'm new to practicing poly (my wife started her first non-monogamous relationship about a week ago) but I've known for some time that something like that (didn't have the word poly or the full thought) would be a way I could see living my life.

While we're probably not going to be "out" about our poly relationship for some time (I live in the Midwest and am about 80-90% sure my family would cut ties completely and hers would have some big hurdles to get over before things could be ok. Also think we'd probably lose a good deal of friends.) it's something that I want to actively consider for later, because I think it would be very liberating.

The one thing I'm not sure of is how does it work exactly? I can think of a million day-to-day situations where, with casual acquaintances, coworkers, etc. it seems like bringing up polyamory in an otherwise unrelated conversation ("what's your wife doing this weekend?" "oh she's visiting her lover" vs. "oh she's visiting a friend") is beating people over the head with information that they probably don't care to know and would instantly and dramatically turn the conversation toward poly.

I don't want to spend my life lying about who I am, but I don't want to spend it explaining what I am to everyone I meet either. For those of you who are already out, how does it work towards those not so close to you? Obviously my close friends and family would all know, or it wouldn't really be "out".
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  #139  
Old 03-24-2011, 06:40 AM
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I just tell everyone that Mono is my friend and that he lives with us. I took the lead from LB actually, our son, he did a "about my life" project for school and added Mono's picture to the project... people asked who he is and he just said, "he is my best buddy that lives with us"... there was some confusion but people took it in and accepted it as LB's normal life, much like anyone else's family is normal to them. Mono goes to school functions, picks LB up sometimes... no one gives him a second glance really. Or maybe I just shrug it off as not their business and them looking for gossip.

Really, its all in the confidence and the normalcy of the presentation. It really isn't anyone's business until you decide to make yourself vulnerable by talking about it openly.

It's early days for you two. I would think that your partner is not about to want to invite the new love over for a family reunion or anything anyway. When big family events come up, or holidays, if the relationship has reached the kind of depth that requires it, it can be important to negotiate who spends what time where and for how long.... but, its early yet... so some "waiting to see" is in order first I think.
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  #140  
Old 03-24-2011, 12:33 PM
TruckerPete TruckerPete is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by polynome View Post
The one thing I'm not sure of is how does it work exactly? I can think of a million day-to-day situations where, with casual acquaintances, coworkers, etc. it seems like bringing up polyamory in an otherwise unrelated conversation ("what's your wife doing this weekend?" "oh she's visiting her lover" vs. "oh she's visiting a friend") is beating people over the head with information that they probably don't care to know and would instantly and dramatically turn the conversation toward poly.
I actually find these to be the perfect opportunities. I don't look at it as beating someone over the head with too much information, but why should I have to have that twinge of guilt and uncomfortableness about how I choose to live my life? Someone wants to ask what I'm doing and that happens to be a boyfriend weekend, well, I try to say "I'm visiting my boyfriend" and then quickly move on to whatever plans we may have.

I say try. It's hard.
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