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Old 09-30-2009, 04:05 AM
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Lemondrop Lemondrop is offline
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Default Sexual Intimacy and HPV

So I've been trying to get some information on HPV lately, and I have to say that it's been frustrating. But what I've come up with is frightening for me.

My female partner has asked to be intimate with someone outside of our polyfi quad. She would, of course, use a condom. However, the research I've done seems to say that condoms are not completely effective against HPV. About 11 years ago, I had a large part of my cervix cut away because of precancerous lesions. Large enough that they didn't think I'd be able to have another baby. While I'm done having babies, the rapid growth of these lesions terrify me--I was stage 3 in less than a year. And the increased medical attention afterward was not a walk in the park, either. I don't want to be exposed again, and I'm feeling pretty dumb for not thinking of this before getting involved with new people. And pretty scared.

But the real point I was getting to is, what do you other poly women think of HPV? Do you feel safe enough using condoms? Do you think that the vaccine will protect you? I'd love to see a discussion other than the one that's rattling around in my head.
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Old 09-30-2009, 05:37 AM
live4themusic live4themusic is offline
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I'm actually a male, but from what I understand, over 90% of sexually active people who have had sex with more than 2 people have some strain of HPV. However, out of something like 40 strains of HPV only 3 are believed to be dangerous. These 3 are primarily dangerous to women, although I believe men can also be affected (There was even a study that claimed that having performed oral sex on more than 6 partners affects your chances of throat cancer as adversely as smoking, possibly due to HPV strains).

As far as your cervix is concerned, I believe the vaccine prevents you from contracting the 3 strains which could put you at risk. I believe you can also test for HPV via a pap smear (or at least those 3 strains). There are actually no current publicly available testing methods for HPV in us men.
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Old 09-30-2009, 02:27 PM
Serendipity Serendipity is offline
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Default Be safe first. Get all the facts. Demand confidence.

The best thing to do of course is share with your partner(s) the research you've done, and point out the things that scare you about this particular disease. Make sure that they understand your medical experience with what's happened to you already so they know exactly where you're coming from.

Also I highly suggest calling up one of the doctors who have treated you in the past (Maybe one you got along with or felt more comfortable talking to) and tell your doctor that you have multiple partners and want to practice safer sex. Talk to the doctor about the things you've learned in your digging around and they can shed light on what's accurate and what might be exaggerated. They can also help break down the best ways to make sure you stay protected.

Once you're armed with information, flat out tell your partner(s) that extra-quad sexual activities are barred for all of you involved until those outside partners are tested for the virus. If your partner(s) or the outside partner(s) decline to do that, then you have to put your health first, because how sexy and happy can you really feel if you engage with them constantly afraid of infection?

And first and foremost, don't let anyone make you feel rushed. Do not act on requests until you feel safe, and your fears are quelled. There are ways to protect yourself and help you feel confident about your sex-life decisions, but planning and action are key. When you put the work in, the ease that comes afterwards is worth it though, in my honest opinion.
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Old 09-30-2009, 04:07 PM
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redsirenn redsirenn is offline
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I totally agree with the above post. You need to feel safe first!
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