Is it ever *less* complicated?

[Tracy]

Do you think poly relationships can ever be less complicated than mono relationships?

[AnnabelMore]

Originally Posted by Tracy

Do you think poly relationships can ever be less complicated than mono relationships?

Funny, I *just* said to my gf that my hope is to make things for our vee less complicated, rather than more... specifically, I think that by helping with childcare I can create space for she and her husband to reconnect physically, which will then create sufficient energy for she and I, and she/he/I to do the same. Whereas without that support, maybe it would be harder and take longer for them to get to the point where they can think about anything but the baby. Plus, I get to hang out with their awesome baby!! Win/win/win.

[redpepper]

Originally Posted by Tracy

Do you think poly relationships can ever be less complicated than mono relationships?

yes, but I have completely adjusted how I do relationships. I don't do them like I did monogamous ones. They are just different, not the same but more complicated.

[nycindie]

Well, human beings are complicated creatures. Add more of 'em to a situation... more complications. All we can do, I think, is seek out those people whose energies, philosophies, and styles complement our own.

[bulrush]

Not less complicated, but not more complicated I think. Both mono and poly relationships take the same skills. Just in poly you have to be more aware of more peoples' needs and desires. So, communication is still important.

[Norithespider]

I feel like my poly relationships have been less complicated, not more, because no one has to waste energy on jealousy, guilt, suspicion, etc. Not that we never have those emotions, but because we promptly talk about them, instead of bottling them up, we have fewer pent up feelings and more time for fun stuff.

[Insane00illusions]

I actually just did a report for one of my classes about therapy for "non-traditional" couples and learned that once therapists can learn more and put aside their own beliefs (something that must be done with any different culture, religion, ect..) they find that poly people mostly have the same problems as other types of relationships... just more people in the equation.

[redpepper]

Originally Posted by bulrush

in poly you have to be more aware of more peoples' needs and desires. So, communication is still important.

It is in mono relationships too no?

[Magdlyn]

Originally Posted by Norithespider

I feel like my poly relationships have been less complicated, not more, because no one has to waste energy on jealousy, guilt, suspicion, etc. Not that we never have those emotions, but because we promptly talk about them, instead of bottling them up, we have fewer pent up feelings and more time for fun stuff.

After 30+ years in a marriage where we never learned to deal with jealousy properly, feeling confused and "wrong" about my desire for others, and now 3 years into being separated/divorced from that guy, and in an open relationship with a poly woman, and lots of dating experiences with others with my partners full support, I can say, I totally agree with that statement.

[nycindie]

Originally Posted by bulrush

. . . in poly you have to be more aware of more peoples' needs and desires.

When I first read this comment, I thought you were just saying poly peeps have to be more aware than monos. I missed the second "more." So, yeah, while monogamous relationships require the same awareness to be successful, I think the biggest difference is, as you stated, not that in poly we have to be "more aware" but, rather, that we have to be aware of more people. And that can be tricky to navigate.