Not really new, but need some reassurance

[nycindie]

Originally Posted by gypsygirl

I may just open this topic and let him read what all of you think, with your objective perspective (not that there isn't some subjectivity from me, but I'm trying to like her here).

This is a great idea. It's always illuminating for all parties when more than one person posts here. You get to see his side from his perspective. Not that you don't already know his feelings on it, but sometimes writing stuff out allows people to get more out than they can say verbally. Also, more information from him will help us in offering feedback. So, I think he should take a look.

[gypsygirl]

So, She moves in next weekend. Z is with his dad for several months.

There is no solid plan on what she does when he wants me to stay over except maybe "she sleeps on the couch". Her only social interaction that I am aware of is a Tuesday night thing (with a social group that deliberately excluded me ). So it seems I get to see him only on specific, very rigidly scheduled times. And even then, our privacy is not assured.

All I get from him is "can we please just try this and see if it works and stop stressing?"

Oh, and I overheard her telling him what he is "allowed" to have in his kitchen.

I am so afraid that we're not going to make it to our 1 year anniversary (2 weeks away).

[nycindie]

Okay, so this is about you and Sanguinist, and has nothing to do with Goimir and KLP - correct?

Originally Posted by gypsygirl

So, She moves in next weekend. Z is with his dad for several months.

There is no solid plan on what she does when he wants me to stay over except maybe "she sleeps on the couch". Her only social interaction that I am aware of is a Tuesday night thing (with a social group that deliberately excluded me ). So it seems I get to see him only on specific, very rigidly scheduled times. And even then, our privacy is not assured.

All I get from him is "can we please just try this and see if it works and stop stressing?"

Oh, and I overheard her telling him what he is "allowed" to have in his kitchen.

I am so afraid that we're not going to make it to our 1 year anniversary (2 weeks away).

Have you told him bluntly how you are afraid he is letting her take everything over and will affect your relationship with him negatively? How you don't want to be dismissed and disrespected by her or made to feel like a second-class citizen in the situation? Did you ever show him this discussion thread?

[gypsygirl]

I left Goimir and KLP on their own thread- I was just reminded by being here on the forum that there were developments in THIS story.

Yes, I have told him all of these things. I have even told him that I feel like the speech I over heard about what he's allowed to have in his kitchen is the beginning of a bad trend that will lead to emotional abuse.

The last part is the only part that he's addressed.

[nycindie]

Well, then it will be up to you to maintain your sense of self and not slink away when she's there. You will have to step up your efforts to have a polite relationship with her, and if she is dismissive of you do not let it go by. You will have to stand your ground as someone who has a place in his life. If there are things you won't stand for, don't let them get away with shit.

Wait - who will sleep on the couch when you are there - you or her? I thought she was moving in, but into a spare room. She doesn't have to move in and into his bedroom, does she? Isn't there a space in the house she can designate as her room, separate from his?

[gypsygirl]

There is no spare room. There is no spare anything. There are only 2 doors on the interior of his house that can be closed, and this is to the bedroom and bathroom. The rest of the house is two "porches" and a large room that can be said to have "areas"- a living room area, a kitchen area (that has an extra wall, and different floor) a dining area, and a nook he uses for recording his podcast. When she and her son stay, the son has to sleep in a potable crib in the main room.

I am going to try to stand up and all that... but it's going to be hard. The thing that bothers me most is I don't know if I can have sex with someone only one wall away. I tend to be very loud, and this could get very uncomfortable. Especially given that Goimir, the only other person that I'm dating, is over 300 miles away.

[nycindie]

Originally Posted by gypsygirl

... I don't know if I can have sex with someone only one wall away. I tend to be very loud, and this could get very uncomfortable.

Oh, yeah, I can relate. I'm a screamer. Can't be quiet, ever. Oh well, buy her some ear plugs. She should appreciate you showing up with a gift!

[rory]

I agree with others that she sounds like trouble. But that's not the worst of your problems. I'd be way more concerned about your boyfriend's behaviour here. He is his own person: he was not forced to any of the choices he has made. Or maybe he was forced by her. So either your boyfriend is co-dependent in (what sounds like a) really unhealthy drama-filled relationship, or he is in an abusive relationship. Whichever it is, what kind of room is there for you in his life now that he is living with her?

I don't think I would stick around and wait for the drama to hit me.

[Magdlyn]

Sounds like at this point, youve gotta just give then enough rope to hang themselves.

Scream all you want during sex. That should be a good thing! Scream extra loud!