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Old 10-23-2011, 09:44 PM
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AnnabelMore AnnabelMore is offline
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Join Date: Dec 2010
Posts: 2,285

The thing is, if you know you want to keep your relationship, having someone around all the time who wants to break you up is just a bad idea. Resolve is all well and good, but I've been doing some reading lately about the science of willpower and avoiding things that break down your resolve is the best way to keep it strong. You guys are allowing your relationship to be sabotaged, whether you think of it that way or not. Same for your self-esteem... it's great that your bf stands up for you, but that doesn't mean it's not still hurting you to be hearing this negative stuff all the time.

Why is it all up to her to figure out if she's ok with this situation or not? If shes *obviously* not after all this time, and she's bad for you and your relationship, at what point do you guys say enough is enough?
Me, 30ish bi female, been doing solo poly for roughly 5 years. Gia, Clay, and Pike, my partners. Davis, ex/friend/"it's complicated." Eric, Gia's husband. Bee, Gia and Eric's toddler.
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Old 10-26-2011, 06:19 PM
Stonecrow Stonecrow is offline
Join Date: Jul 2011
Posts: 11

Thanks, AnnabelMore.

You are definitely validating my thoughts are feelings around this. I had a talk with K about this the night before last. He did hear me, and said he was going to think about it and consider my view on it. He encouraged me to also rethink that maybe she does respect our relationship more than it seems to me, and that it might be her struggles with my fibromyalgia that is coming through; it is a very hard condition for anyone who has someone in their life with it...it took K a while to adjust and realize how truly difficult it is for me having it. Difficulties with family members understanding it is a common issue, and he, at least, was gentle while coming to terms with it; she openly admits to me that she is struggling with it and is trying to let go of her issues around it. I am trying to suspend disbelief and see it through that lens, at least for a while. I told him that I am going to hold on at least until my SSDI comes through (big crossed fingers-my final hearing with judge and attorney is this coming Monday) and see if my being able to contribute financially makes any difference. I suspect, though, that it's not the real issue, I think it's the mask over the real issue of not feeling comfortable with poly, or as she puts it "I don't *get* poly". And from past experience I think he sees partners with a rosy lens until he's hit upside the head with a clear show stopper. Clearly that's also something I need to think about in relationship to him. I will be watching how it all goes going forward. I also intend to try to have a discussion with her directly about her comfort level with K and my relationship. I'll get to see if she's willing to talk about that respectfully and honestly with me. At least right now things are going pretty well, and I am not feeling marginalized by her for the time being.

Maybe I'm just way too patient.
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Old 10-26-2011, 11:34 PM
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vanille vanille is offline
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: New Orleans, Louisiana
Posts: 76

Welcome! I'm sorry I don't have any advice for you as I am still new to this. I really hope everything works out though. *hugs*
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Old 10-27-2011, 04:54 PM
Stonecrow Stonecrow is offline
Join Date: Jul 2011
Posts: 11

Thanks, Vanille. I hope things go well for you, too!
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