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  #31  
Old 01-09-2012, 10:08 PM
opalescent opalescent is offline
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I have a tiny dog whose sole mission in life is to sit on my lap. In fact, I feel bad when I don't have the time to have him curl up next to me in the chair. He helps a lot. I would be infinitely worse off in life overall where it not for my dogs (past and present).

But I miss people touch. However, I hate it when people I don't know - or don't know well enough - touch me. I've always had this strong boundary; my parents noted that as a toddler, I was particular about who I liked to be picked up by. (Mom, Dad, Grandparents, some aunts and uncles but not others, and that's about it.) I've gotten to the point where hugs from someone new doesn't bother me. I don't care for massage for the same reason - I do not like strangers touching me that intimately. I think it is partly because I connect that kind of intimate touch with sex. So massage feels like the prelude to sex but it's not and it's done by a stranger who is getting paid to touch me and so I get all weird about it. (Yes, I totally realize massage is not sex work - just describing my tangled feelings about it.)

So touch is complicated for me. (For everyone I guess, really.) And I have not found answers so far, beyond hugging my friends more. Which I am trying to do.
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  #32  
Old 01-09-2012, 10:16 PM
opalescent opalescent is offline
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Might get together with SW this week. I don't know where he is with thinking about a serious relationship. Like me, he takes a while to think about things so I don't necessarily expect any discussion. Still it would nice to have a check in about it, or maybe he will ask me some questions. I realized that I would be reassured about his process, for lack of a better term, if he asked me questions.

I'm also trying to figure out how to be a friend with Beloved. We talk every few weeks or so and I do want to remain friends. She was/is my best friend. But I can't talk to her about important stuff going on with me right now, namely the SW stuff, and I don't really want to hear about anything romantic going on in her life either. So we tend to have generic conversations about work, dogs, birds, our families, etc. And I hate generic, lightweight conversations. I would like to ask her more about why we broke up. Not to get together again - we're done - but to understand more. Maybe I will ask her to take a break from talking to each other for a while. Have to think about that.

Also, I've decided to nickname my other casual involvement guy, Whip. (And for those of you who were wondering - and you know who you are - no, it is not BDSM related.)
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  #33  
Old 01-10-2012, 08:55 PM
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BlackUnicorn BlackUnicorn is offline
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My ex used to call me every day after our break and just chat chat chat about his life, mainly involving things and plans we had broken up about. I couldn't even say it on the phone but had to text him afterwards that I didn't want to talk to him about inconsequential things, that it hurt too much because since we were in an LDR anyway, it basically felt like we were still dating.
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  #34  
Old 01-12-2012, 10:34 PM
opalescent opalescent is offline
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So SW does not feel he can date me right now. He probably wants a monogamous relationship and that's something I can't do long term. That was one of my concerns about a potential relationship with SW - I can be monogamous while building a strong relationship - let's say for a number of years. But I can't imagine being monogamous forever and ever again. I was not sure of if monogamy was something he required. He did leave the door open to dating if he decides to be poly. I'm rather skeptical that he will move towards poly or ethical non-monogamy - he seems pretty focused on monogamy. I think he was leaving his options open. So we are going to be friends. I expected this outcome but I'm still bummed about it. I'm glad I put it on the table though.
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  #35  
Old 01-17-2012, 03:02 AM
opalescent opalescent is offline
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A while ago, I told a relatively new friend that I was attracted to him and would like to be a FWB. He's a busy guy with a new career and two very serious relationships. He seemed receptive but wanted to take things slowly. I'm totally fine with that - I get he needs to check in with his partners. A few months go by, we hang out not infrequently, along with one of his partners, who has also become a good friend of mine. But we never talk about the FWB thing again. I ask for a check in but because of our mutually loaded schedules, that doesn't happen. So I finally get a chance to ask him what's up. He's been waffling but basically his partners have given him a lukewarm go-ahead which he is hesitant to use. I expected the 'thanks but no thanks' after so much time had gone by. And given this guy's schedule, I get his partners' hesitation. (Their concerns are not personal - his partners know I'm no threat to either of them.)

But the whole 'if the timing was better', 'if you were different', 'if I was different', 'if we wanted the same things', 'if our ideas of relationship matched' thing is making me existentially bitchy. Yes, that's life and in a bit I will put my big girl panties on. Right now though, after Beloved, SW, and now this guy, I'm feel like it's all bad timing and not being quite right for someone right now. And this makes me both mad and sad.
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  #36  
Old 01-17-2012, 04:40 PM
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nycindie nycindie is offline
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(((((((big mushy hugs))))))))
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Oh, oh, can't you see? Love is the drug for me. ~Bryan Ferry
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  #37  
Old 01-17-2012, 04:45 PM
opalescent opalescent is offline
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Thanks NYCindie! Hugs are appreciated.
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  #38  
Old 01-17-2012, 05:11 PM
opalescent opalescent is offline
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It doesn't help that Oil Man seems to drifting away. I'm surprised that connection has lasted as long as it has and I've thought he was moving on before. But some time ago Whip asked me if I was interested in threesomes. I told him I was - it's on my sexual bucket list - and asked him back if he preferred men or women. He responded both. (You can see why I keep seeing him. Just open to experimentation.) I told Whip one of my male lovers might be interested. Both are straight so the usual straight guy caveat of no sexual contact between dudes applies.

Oil Man had been bugging me to set up a threesome with me, a female friend, and him. I knew he would be more into a MFF (as would Whip for that matter). But I figured he might be interested anyway. He was really, really uncomfortable with the idea. He's a voyeur so I figured he would be into watching when he wasn't involved. I don't know if he was uncomfortable, ah, performing around a much younger man. I told him he has nothing to worry about in comparison to Whip. Oil Man is actually in better physical shape. Or if he just disn't want to be watched himself. Anyway, he turned it down, which is fine because I certainly don't want people to go outside of they are comfortable with.

However since then, he's been a bit distant. Hard to know of it's related or not. His schedule as always is nuts. I don't know anyone else, much less a woman, who might be interested in a threesome. And while he has every right to turn down a MMF, I also don't see a point in making finding a female third a priority of mine. So I think his main interest in me was my bisexuality and the possibility of a MFF. Without that he does not appear to be as interested. I am annoyed and frustrated all around lately.
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  #39  
Old 01-26-2012, 03:26 PM
opalescent opalescent is offline
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I told Beloved about a week ago that I wanted to not talk to her for a while. So while I texted her once, we haven't spoken. It's weird because we've talked at least once every day for 12 years. I want to have real conversations with her again and that's not happening right now. I don't know if she understands why - I don't think I explained it well.

I am going to change Beloved's moniker. I will always love her but she is no longer my beloved nor am I hers. I will call her Beaker instead.
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  #40  
Old 01-26-2012, 10:23 PM
dingedheart dingedheart is offline
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Like the Muppet?

Does she have red/orange hair ?

Great idea using muppet characters ..gives a fun visual.
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