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Old 10-12-2011, 09:36 PM
SpringtimeMama SpringtimeMama is offline
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Location: Bay Area, California
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Default Poly Fell Into My Lap

Hi folks!
I've been reading the forums for about a week but thought I'd finally register so at least the search would work for me.

I'm not new to the concept of polyamory (lots of people talked about it when I was in college, and I did spend one summer reading every novel Heinlein ever published), but I'm very very new to the experience. I've been with D for 16 years, married for 12. My relationship with K, on the other hand, only got serious last week. At which point, frustrated librarian that I am, I hit the internet for every drop of information and advice that I could find.

Here's our story. This summer K became interested in D and hit on him pretty intensely. After saying "no" he soon switched to "Ask my wife". I don't think he ever expected his wife to say "yes"! After several months of getting to know each other and thinking that it would never go anywhere, one night last week we were startled to find ourselves in bed together. It all felt so normal and natural.

As time has passed (and yes, I realize it's hardly any time at all) we've shaken out into something between a V and a triad. K and I both identify as straight women, but I'm a little more bicurious than she is, so we are sexually active together but with limits. D and K have much higher libidos than I do, so they are together much more than with me, which suits me just fine. I'm a stay at home mom with a toddler and a second child on the way. I'm tired, even when the second trimester hormones have doubled my interest.

I don't know where this relationship is going. Poly is new to all three of us. And of course our family is going to go through major changes in March when this baby (2nd child) is born. By nature I look for something stable and secure, so I find myself dreaming of the future. On the other hand, K is quite a bit younger than me, so I suspect that she will eventually move on to someone else. I hope that we will have given her a good experience of a healthy relationship (she's dated some doozies in the past).

K would like be open about our relationship, which scares D right now (What will people think?). She and I have agreed to wait a few months until we know if our relationship is going anywhere. No sense in going through a whole bunch of unnecessary anguish.

Thank you for all the good ideas and advice I've gleaned by reading these forums!
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  #2  
Old 10-13-2011, 02:44 PM
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Magdlyn Magdlyn is offline
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Location: Metro West Massachusetts
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Default

Welcome to the board. I'm glad you're supportive of your h getting some extra sex and affection. Good luck as this progresses.

No, she should not tell everyone! She might get more shit for it than she thinks. And you and your dh are allowed to have privacy and security as you see where this leads.
__________________
Love withers under constraint; its very essence is liberty. It is compatible neither with envy, jealousy or fear. It is there most pure, perfect and unlimited when its votaries live in confidence, equality and unreserve. -- Shelley

There's no lying in polyamory!

I'm a 58 year old woman with 2 partners:
miss pixi, my live-in gf, 36 (together since Jan '09)
Ginger, bf, 61, married, lives nearby (together since Jan '12)

Last edited by Magdlyn; 10-13-2011 at 03:45 PM.
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Old 10-15-2011, 12:50 PM
SpringtimeMama SpringtimeMama is offline
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Thank you Magdlyn! I really appreciate getting an outside experienced opinion.

This weekend we seem to be working on giving and taking the personal space we all need. Both in nurturing our outside interests and also in working out where every body sleeps. When K sleeps over we need to balance my desire for physical contact with K & D's desire for each other and everyone's need for sleep!

It has been a lifetime since I was in this stage of a relationship. D keeps laughing that I'm bouncing back and forth between being a lovestruck teenager and my usual 30-something mother.
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