Polyamory.com Forum  

Go Back   Polyamory.com Forum > Polyamory > Poly Relationships Corner


Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 10-15-2011, 03:30 AM
MichelleZed MichelleZed is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 194

Originally Posted by RiniDance View Post
TWithin that first week he expected me to know her cries, to know what to do.
Woah! Well, you know now that not even the baby knows what it's crying about that first week.

He says he cannot give me a commitment to know I'm a high priority in his life or to just feel secure in "us". He just says things like "for the moment..." "nothings a guaranty". This hurts.
Ouch. This man is not planning to stay with you. Why should you go through the trouble of negotiating a poly relationship with him if he's made it clear he's just looking for something better?

Saying he pays the rent, gets the groceries, pays for everything. This is NOT true. Although my income has been extremely limited, I still contribute what I can.
Well, you've moved out now, so that should be less of a problem. If you do move back in, work out an actual budget with reasonable contributions for both of you so that you both know you're doing your part.

For now, sue for child support. I'm not kidding. You're not really together, are you? You don't live with him. He needs to support his kid regardless of how you guys are doing, relationship-wise.
Reply With Quote
Old 10-16-2011, 11:30 PM
Rootlet Rootlet is offline
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: Vancouver, Canada
Posts: 14

I agree with what others have said. You know that 'he's just not that into you' book? It looks like he's just not that into you, or more importantly, not into his daughter either, which is a tragedy.

It's not about him dating other women, it's about providing you with partnership, love and support. That soon after the birth of a child, a good man assists the mother of his baby as fully as he can, and does everything he can for his child. Being a father may not be what he wanted, but you didn't plan it iether and you're meeting your commitment to her. Fatherhood is independent of who you're sleeping with. It's a commitment he can't and shouldn't get out of. If he won't pay with time and attention, he can at least pay child support. I know you don't want to fight with him when you're still hoping he'll come around, but I think you need to do it for your and your daughter's long term welfare. And your ex husband too. Perhaps your parents will help you pay for a lawyer to settle up with both your men.

I know it's hard, especially when you want him to love your daughter (and you) but it looks like it's not in him. He may just be that selfish, in which case you're well shot of him. I suspect once you've had some time on your own, you'll get in touch with your own anger about all this and find an easier time fighting for what you need and what is fair. He's not the only guy in the world.

Reply With Quote

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump

All times are GMT. The time now is 10:59 PM.