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  #51  
Old 03-26-2012, 03:28 AM
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PaperGrace, your supportive words and empathy certainly did help.

I'm trying so hard for this to work! For all of us! It's nice to know that someone is rooting for me. . Thank you so much!
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  #52  
Old 03-26-2012, 04:17 AM
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Arrowbound Arrowbound is offline
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Originally Posted by newtoday View Post
Hence my dilemma. I have TRIED to talk to her. But she simply will not. She avoids all instances for us to talk privately. And based on her telling him these blatant lies, violating my privacy, why would she want an honest conversation with me? There is nothing honest about it on her end.

As you can see here, by my posts and from how I have communicated with him, that I have no problem with providing my thoughts.

I'm not trying to be an opposing force, I am trying to work together, which he clearly recognizes.

And I do cut him slack in defending her. He should. I just hope that he offers me the same courtesy.
Hmm. At this point I think the only thing you can do is let him know how you feel. I'd really desire some space at this point because people not coming forward with their issues stresses me out but I'm sure that's the last thing you want.
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  #53  
Old 03-26-2012, 06:59 AM
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I really appreciate everyone's thoughts and comments and feedback.

Rereading these posts tonight, I see the raw emotion of them, the often irrational thoughts coming out of my head, unfiltered, as I try to make my way through this complicated journey. Many of them come out of fear, anxiety, insecurities, that, when clearer heads prevail, seem so irrational and I'm almost embarassed that I voiced them to begin with.

I'm just scared and confused sometimes. Being in love with someone who loves another more than me is hardly ideal but because of how I feel about him, I want to try my hardest to make it work. And I really do believe I can.

Tonight, reading these again, my true fear is that I've done nothing but make myself, my love and his S/O just look bad and that's simply not true. We are all trying our best.

He's read these threads. And for the most part, it's unfair to him and his S/O to have my raw , irrational thoughts on display. As I said to him, when clearer heads prevail, those irrational thoughts dissipate. But the damage is done once its put on paper.

That said, I'm going to shut up now. Anything I need to work through, I'll do it quietly, in my own head, or directly with him.

Thanks again for all your thoughts. I really appreciate it.

Good luck and Be Happy!
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  #54  
Old 03-26-2012, 03:52 PM
dingedheart dingedheart is offline
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The basis for your thread was to gain understanding and guidance on how to make this situation work out for everyone. You said repeatedly you wanted a good relationship with the wife and the dynamic to work. And also that 1 day a week was not enough for you. This to me is what he should be taking away from this thread. ...That is the bottom line intent. ...Right?
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  #55  
Old 03-26-2012, 04:56 PM
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I'm just scared and confused sometimes. Being in love with someone who loves another more than me is hardly ideal but because of how I feel about him, I want to try my hardest to make it work. And I really do believe I can.

Tonight, reading these again, my true fear is that I've done nothing but make myself, my love and his S/O just look bad and that's simply not true. We are all trying our best.
You have no reason to feel this way, really. Every one of us here knows that it is impossible to share every shade and nuance of a relationship or describe all the things about a person there is to know in posts on a message board. People often come here to ask for advice or opinions on problems, and we give feedback. We all know there is more to a situation, love relationship, or person than the words describing a problem. These threads are simply small slices of people's lives, or what we struggle with. You feel a little embarrassed, but no one in your situation looks like a bad person, and we are all strangers anyway. Don't worry about that!

Don't think you have to stay away because you're embarrassed. I hope the threads here have been helpful to you!
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  #56  
Old 03-26-2012, 05:22 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by dingedheart View Post
The basis for your thread was to gain understanding and guidance on how to make this situation work out for everyone. You said repeatedly you wanted a good relationship with the wife and the dynamic to work. And also that 1 day a week was not enough for you. This to me is what he should be taking away from this thread. ...That is the bottom line intent. ...Right?
D - yes, you are right. I do want a good relationship for all 3 of us. It's my #1 goal. Thank you again.

Cindie, yes, of course they have been helpful. Every experience is one of learning and growth. Thank you so much for your understanding.
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  #57  
Old 03-26-2012, 06:15 PM
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Originally Posted by newtoday View Post
He's read these threads. And for the most part, it's unfair to him and his S/O to have my raw , irrational thoughts on display. As I said to him, when clearer heads prevail, those irrational thoughts dissipate. But the damage is done once its put on paper.

That said, I'm going to shut up now. Anything I need to work through, I'll do it quietly, in my own head, or directly with him.
This scares me. I spent 18 years trying to "quietly" work stuff through "in my own head" and it almost landed me divorced. It can be extremely hard to work through the irrational thoughts without, sharing it with people who will help you work through it and/or writing it down. I have discovered that once I write it down, I can dissect it easier and days later see how irrational it might have been, especially if I can get feedback from others (who won't judge me). However, the whole process helps me get to the actual root of the problem.

My question is he telling you to work it out for yourself and don't seek any help or is that where your mind took you?

As far as you making them sound like the bad guys, I really don't think anyone here saw it that way. When dealing with 3 people, there are always 3 sides and each one of them has their own fears, insecurities and pasts that play into the situation. Communication is key.
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  #58  
Old 03-26-2012, 06:34 PM
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[QUOTE=SNeacail;130368]My question is he telling you to work it out for yourself and don't seek any help or is that where your mind took you?


No, he isn't telling me that at all. He is sad that I'm even in this situation to have the need to seek the help and feels I deserve better. Even sharing him, I just want him. I don't want anyone else.
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  #59  
Old 03-26-2012, 07:22 PM
PaperGrace PaperGrace is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by newtoday View Post
He's read these threads. And for the most part, it's unfair to him and his S/O to have my raw , irrational thoughts on display. As I said to him, when clearer heads prevail, those irrational thoughts dissipate. But the damage is done once its put on paper.
I don't think it's unfair to him or anyone that you sought out support and feedback. You wanted to hear from others with poly experience. Hopefully, getting out of your head and seeing some other perspectives made you feel less isolated even if it changes nothing.

I read multiple instances of you defending both he and his wife when you thought the responses were missing information. I hope he saw that, too.

To back up what NYCindie said, we all do understand that we're only getting one side and you have no need to feel embarassed about telling your story. Everyone's story is their own and we're a few people you, he, and his wife are never going to meet. No harm has been done.

I'm glad he read the thread so he could learn more about your feelings, crazy or irrational, and as valid as they are. It's better than keeping unorganized emotions bottled up for the next meltdown, no? Given you only see each other once a week, I know how slowly conversations can go. This probably sped communication up a bit.

Good luck and I hope to still see you (and maybe him, too?) around the forum.
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  #60  
Old 03-26-2012, 09:23 PM
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[QUOTE=PaperGrace;130380]
I read multiple instances of you defending both he and his wife when you thought the responses were missing information. I hope he saw that, too.

Thank you PG. I hope that, out of all the stuff he read, that he got that idea too.

I did get value out of this, reading and hearing about other's experiences. It did help clear my head. I called it, to him, a journal with feedback.

You've been great! Thank you so much. I will be around here, just a little more reserved in my comments.
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