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Old 09-28-2011, 10:44 PM
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redpepper redpepper is offline
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Originally Posted by BlackUnicorn View Post
Hmm. As to whether something is gossip or not - there is a ton of hypothetical what if-situations we could come up with, whereas everyone needs to make their own decisions in real life, but I would say that if I suspect serious harm might occur were I not to meddle, I would go and meddle and face the allegation of being a gossip rather than watch someone getting seriously hurt.
The thing is everything is a perception unless you have lived it. Even then its YOUR (figuratively speaking) perception. What is someones good time is someone elses trauma. What do you do when people are hurting and need debriefing after something and others are fine and had an awesome time? I think the posters here were right when they said it isn't my business to say a thing.

I have faced the allegations of being a gossip before. I told, who I thought was a friend, that I had dated the man she was just starting to date. I let her know that my experience of him was that he was dismissive of my emotional nature when I needed to clear the air about some issues we had. He told me I should "suck it up and get over it" after I finally brought it up.

I had been mulling over talking to him for some time. I wanted to be sure I wouldn't come across as angry and so I would be able to empathize when I told him how I felt. We agreed it wouldn't work between us and moved on.

The friend I told this to blew up at me, told me it wasn't my business to tell me what had happened and wouldn't meet me to talk it out between us both. I wanted to know her experience and wanted to tell her mine. Then she told the man who again told me to suck it up and proceeded to say things on his status up dates about me and in messages. I blocked him for a time as soon as I saw them and never spoke to either of them again, even if I see them in my community. I am civil, but that's it.

Nope, I really can't think of any reason anything is my business unless I think about it in terms of what I would do. Things influence how I would behave and how I would treat others. I take social cues in that regard. But when someone wants to tell me something in confidence then I would make every effort to redirect it all back on them to deal with by encouraging them to talk to whomever is involved or seek professional help. Its not my stuff to deal with. All I can do is tell them my experience in empathy and get them to do their own work.

This is what I have done in this situation yet people are still wanting to talk about it all and some how DO something. There is not anything that I can see to do when someone says, "suck it up and get over it." The only thing to do is learn and move on. Essentially, exactly what they have just said.
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Last edited by redpepper; 09-28-2011 at 11:10 PM.
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Old 10-03-2011, 12:53 AM
Lucinda Lucinda is offline
Join Date: Aug 2010
Posts: 13

To me, ethical means not harming other people. This is tricky. Some people believe that they are harmed if I support gay marriage. Yet no marriages between gay people would actually cause damage to others. But some people just feel bad when it happens.

So part of being ethical means drawing the distinction between when I'm actually harming another person, and when another person causes themself harm, by wallowing in pity, as a result of my actions.

Being responsible, to me, means being accountable.

Last edited by Lucinda; 10-03-2011 at 12:56 AM.
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Old 10-03-2011, 01:27 AM
Hardison Hardison is offline
Join Date: Jul 2011
Posts: 26

Originally Posted by Lucinda View Post
To me, ethical means not harming other people. This is tricky. Some people believe that they are harmed if I support gay marriage. Yet no marriages between gay people would actually cause damage to others.
That to me is what being ethical is all about, making those difficult choices between bad and worse, and being strong enough to stand behind your choice.

not saying gay marriage is bad, just that it's always about a choice between one kind of hurt to one group and another kind of hurt to another. The choices between happy things and unhappy are easy, it's the choices between one kind of unhappy and another that define us.
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Old 10-11-2011, 03:50 AM
sayhaw sayhaw is offline
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: Paradise, California
Posts: 5
Default what it is

Personally, I think it's too analyzed... it's only what it is for whatever you want it to be viewed as... hehe
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ethics, poly community

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