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  #11  
Old 11-29-2009, 01:34 AM
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In talking to my husband I think I get it a little more. At least I get something. I'm not sure if this is what you are talking about Ceoli, but I get this:

He sees it as quantity vs. quality.

Quantity is a measurement of how many partners/lovers for mono and poly wired people. mono people require only one and poly an undetermined amount, for me three is plenty.

Quality is a description of the nature of the relationships. for mono minded people they believe of themselves that they are able to have one quality relationship and that more would not bring them the quality they require. Poly minded people are able to find quality in the number of people involved in their lives. This is the "fullness" I mentioned before.

That's it, for what it's worth.

(I guess if one doesn't understand the other then books like "ethical slut" would be confusing and threatening for a mono minded person)
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Last edited by redpepper; 11-29-2009 at 01:36 AM.
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  #12  
Old 11-29-2009, 01:36 AM
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RP, see the previous post and it might give a better idea of the point I'm making.
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  #13  
Old 11-29-2009, 01:37 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Ceoli View Post
And a mono nature is certainly not the thing that is going to make a person read a book differently from a poly person.

.
It totally does. But I don't expect you or anyone else who is poly minded to understand that..because you are not mono. When you come up with a working example of what you truly are..feel free to bedate what I truly am.
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  #14  
Old 11-29-2009, 01:47 AM
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It is important for me to take this to task because any time we use fictitious reasons to create divides or to try to create different "species" of people we're actually putting whole groups of people down. That flawed reasoning is the very same reasoning that fuels sexism, racism, discrimination against gay, lesbian, bi and transgendered people and all sorts of other acts of discrimination in society.
I'm not sure where you got that Mono is creating fictitious reasons? I know the man very well and have not come across that. He certainly has his own opinion of himself and how some mono people are, but I have never heard him say that he thinks all mono people are like he is. I talk to him in real life and we discuss these things readily. Sometimes what he thinks doesn't come across on here as it should as it is with all of us sometimes. Perhaps he has forgotten to say somewhere on here that HE thinks something or it's HIS opinion, but we all do that sometimes in our passion to get our thoughts across too.

I'm wondering where you are going with all this and kind of wish you would get to some kind of point. If there is one. I am saying this with confusion, not judgment or anger or frustration even, just confusion....I am trying hard to understand your arguments with all this. Is it simply that you dislike Mono and what he says? Are you trying to challenge him to make him move forward on the path he is on? Are you in someway processing your own stuff in regards to all this?

Please tell us what it's all about?
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Old 11-29-2009, 01:52 AM
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It totally does. But I don't expect you or anyone else who is poly minded to understand that..because you are not mono. When you come up with a working example of what you truly are..feel free to bedate what I truly am.
I'm not telling you what you are. However, you're going to have to come up with a lot more support for how your mono nature is what makes you read words differently. And saying "it's just how I feel" really isn't reason enough to create a mechanism that pigeonholes whole populations of people.

I'm not disputing that you see the words differently, but attributing the fact that you see those words differently to the fact that you fall in love with one person at a time is a huge and unsubstantiated leap to be making.
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  #16  
Old 11-29-2009, 02:03 AM
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Ya, sorry Ceoli, I think it's all just a work in process and you are asking for Rome to be built in one day. I'm not sure that Mono was saying that his reaction to the Ethical Slut, if that is in fact what you are talking about, was to do with how many people he loves at a time. I would suggest that it might be for him and him only, but obviously you are asking him to justify something that he is in the process of understanding himself. One can only go as fast as they go in their process. End of story.
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Old 11-29-2009, 02:10 AM
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Ya, sorry Ceoli, I think it's all just a work in process and you are asking for Rome to be built in one day. I'm not sure that Mono was saying that his reaction to the Ethical Slut, if that is in fact what you are talking about, was to do with how many people he loves at a time. I would suggest that it might be for him and him only, but obviously you are asking him to justify something that he is in the process of understanding himself. One can only go as fast as they go in their process. End of story.
WOW. Way to back me up Neither one of you get it and it's not worth my time to explain it. I'm done..this is seeping into my real life
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  #18  
Old 11-29-2009, 02:13 AM
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okay, well then, that's it, if I don't get it then I officially am backing away.
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  #19  
Old 11-29-2009, 02:16 AM
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Originally Posted by redpepper View Post
I'm not sure where you got that Mono is creating fictitious reasons? I know the man very well and have not come across that. He certainly has his own opinion of himself and how some mono people are, but I have never heard him say that he thinks all mono people are like he is. I talk to him in real life and we discuss these things readily. Sometimes what he thinks doesn't come across on here as it should as it is with all of us sometimes. Perhaps he has forgotten to say somewhere on here that HE thinks something or it's HIS opinion, but we all do that sometimes in our passion to get our thoughts across too.
Despite the fact that he acknowledges that not all mono people think the way he is, he continues to claim that it is his mono nature that is the thing that causes him to read a book differently or not be open to an idea is an awful big claim to be making. If he attributes those things to monogamy then it would follow that the same mechanisms are in place for everyone who is wired mono, even if the results aren't the same. The fact is, that's not the case. So if not everyone who is wired mono has the same differences that Mono claims it would then follow that it is something OTHER than the mono nature that causes such differences. To say that the mono nature is causing those differences is creating a fictitious divide between mono and poly people.

Quote:
Originally Posted by redpepper View Post
I'm wondering where you are going with all this and kind of wish you would get to some kind of point. If there is one. I am saying this with confusion, not judgment or anger or frustration even, just confusion....I am trying hard to understand your arguments with all this. Is it simply that you dislike Mono and what he says? Are you trying to challenge him to make him move forward on the path he is on? Are you in someway processing your own stuff in regards to all this?

Please tell us what it's all about?

I'll try to rephrase what I've already said:

This has nothing to do with Mono personally. I could go into all sorts of speculation as to why he would want to cling to this reasoning but it's beside the point and none of my business. This has to do with putting forward ideas that create divides and that have no substantiation whatsoever.

Again. Sure mono people and poly people have different natures. Mono people fall in love one at a time and poly people fall in love with more than one at a time. This does not mean that mono people are closed minded because of their mono nature or poly people are open minded because of their poly nature. There may be outside relationships between the two different natures, but each nature informs itself first. I know just as many closed minded poly people as I know open minded mono people. So it does not mean that a mono person will read a book differently *because* of their mono nature. Sure, Mono may read a book differently than another person, but a mono person is just as likely to read that book differently from another mono person as they are going to read the book differently from a poly person.

I do not deny that that differences exist, or even that some of those differences are hardwired. But people have a huge number of wired and conditioned natures that exist simultaneously within themselves. To attribute differences that have *nothing* to do with monogamy to a mono nature feels like a cop-out and a dangerous one at that, because it tacitly paves the way for all sorts of prejudice and discrimination.
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  #20  
Old 11-29-2009, 02:20 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by redpepper View Post
Ya, sorry Ceoli, I think it's all just a work in process and you are asking for Rome to be built in one day. I'm not sure that Mono was saying that his reaction to the Ethical Slut, if that is in fact what you are talking about, was to do with how many people he loves at a time. I would suggest that it might be for him and him only, but obviously you are asking him to justify something that he is in the process of understanding himself. One can only go as fast as they go in their process. End of story.

First of all, I post ideas for everyone, not just him. And it had nothing to do with his reaction to The Ethical Slut. It had to do with him suggesting the book Opening Up in the book recommendation thread. You can go back to that thread for reference. It's fine for him to process on his own and I respect that, but when he's making statements about me on the forum in a general discussion area, then discussions will happen.
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