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  #11  
Old 09-27-2011, 12:04 AM
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Somegeezer Somegeezer is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by AnnabelMore View Post
Some friends of mine moved to a new city two years ago and they told me today that they're just now really starting to make new, good friends. I'm not saying it'll take you that long (these particular friends have some small amount of social anxiety going on), I just wanted to make the point that you're not abnormal for feeling isolated now -- it can be *hard* to build a brand new network from scratch! But it'll get easier with time.
One thing I find hard when meeting new potential friends is perhaps coming off too strong. But also found that by not even trying to make friends will often lead to making more friends. =]

I really love the earlier comment about making a list of everything good about yourself and adding to it. Asking your friends and adding those to the list too. I want to try that out. See how much I can really find out about myself. =]
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  #12  
Old 11-10-2011, 05:58 PM
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MrFarFromRight MrFarFromRight is offline
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My suggestion is double-edged:

On the one hand, it might help to find out just WHY you've got this low self-esteem (when everything seems to be going your way). In my own case, it was largely due to

a) my father's continuingly telling me that I didn't match up to my [eight year elder] brother. ("Why, at your age he was so much more responsible than you! I could have dropped him off at the corner and by the time I'd found a place to park, he'd have bought half the items on this list. With you, I have to drag you into every single store myself...")

b) my eldest sister's continuingly telling me that I broke everything I touched.

c) the Church telling me (continuingly) that I was basically an oozing bag of filth, and that it was a miracle beyond human understanding how God could possibly love such a scumbag.

Often we have low self-esteem because somebody has drummed into us what losers we are. It might help to realise that the kind of people who spend their time putting other people (us) down are usually pretty fucked up themselves and turn their own self-loathing into attacks on / criticisms of others.

The second part of my advice I now copy-and-paste from another thread that I posted it on. This one seems a good home for it. Bear in mind that the individual details need to be tailored to each person's own situation / capabilities / strengths. It's almost 3am, I got just a few minutes sleep LAST night, and I haven't got the energy / time right now to modify it into general terms:

I had a MASSIVE inferiority complex when I was a child and adolescent. I'm going to give you my self-therapy tip and ask you to try it out:

Look at yourself in a good-sized mirror. Look into your eyes and tell yourself:
a) I'm an attractive woman.
b) (More important) I'm a good person.
c) I have friends who do really care for me.
d) I have a supportive husband who loves me (and loved me when I was "OBESE") and a son who thinks the world of me.
e) I'm an excellent ---. [In my case it was ... babysitter and the maker of the best pizzas I know. (I have now graduated to "the best babysitter I know", as well.)]
f) I'm intelligent and caring.
g) If anybody else has problems accepting me as I am and/or seeing my worth... well that's their problem - not mine - because my worth is plain to see to anyone who (as the Little Prince' Fox said) "sees with the heart".

My therapy is free, it works (even if you can't help laughing at yourself during the first few sessions)... and it'll drive your husband crazy, wondering what you're doing for so long locked in the bathroom.

+++

I hope that that helps. If you click on that link, you'll find that Ivy DID feel silly trying it... but that it did help.

It doesn't even matter if you have a sneaking suspicion that those nice things you're saying to yourself are lies. Hearing them helps... and works the miracle that they stop being lies (self-fulfilling prophesy).

[It actually took me years to really feel good about myself... but mine was a pretty extreme case.]
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Last edited by MrFarFromRight; 11-11-2011 at 01:58 AM.
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  #13  
Old 09-06-2012, 04:29 PM
genebean genebean is offline
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I too struggle with low self esteem and I absolutely love everyone' comments on the matter. Thanks for posting!
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  #14  
Old 09-07-2012, 04:24 PM
Pliglet Pliglet is offline
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I found that i would look in the mirror, and rather than focusing on all the things i would change if i could, i would tell myself 'your hair is GORGEOUS, look how it makes everything light up'. And slowly my own list of things iliked i about myself grew.

Admittedly its been a long uphill battle with everything. But its focusing on good things.

I have a 'self-esteem folder', and when i get really good feedback/comments from work i add them, i've asked my friends to write me letters telling me why they love me.

ETC. and i can refer back to that folder when i feel like a crap person who is totally unlovable. [mine is still tiny and very underfed, but at the same time - the act of asking people for that feedback, means that a lot of them are just more verbal in 'loving each other up' from time to time - so its actually benefited my entire group of friends because we just tell each other that we love each other/why, a lot more now ]
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