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Old 09-17-2011, 09:15 PM
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Default Sex in the Poly lifestyle

We are curious about the sex in the poly community. My wife is bi-sexual and I am straight. What are the sleeping arrangements for most couples in the poly lifestyle? We are looking for a live in girlfriend that we can share everything with, even our bed on a a nightly basis.
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Old 09-17-2011, 09:32 PM
AutumnalTone AutumnalTone is offline
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First, there is no "poly lifestyle." Search for "lifestyle" here and you'll find discussion of that notion.

And because there is no such lifestyle, you'll find that polyfolk approach sleeping arrangements in every fashion imaginable. There is no standard poly configuration, so any given tangle can involve three to thirty people--and practical logistical concerns indicate there are no beds built for thirty.

As a personal example, my wife and I sleep in separate beds in separate rooms. My life interest sleeps in her own bed in her own room in a separate house she shares with folks she's not involved with. The other ladies with whom I may get romantically involved with all live in their own places. So, in the tangle in which I am part, ain't nobody literally sleeping with anybody else.
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Old 09-17-2011, 09:39 PM
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I see. Thank you for the clarification. With us, we are not looking to add more than one person to our relationship, making us a triad. We are wanting a live in girlfriend that lives with us and sleeps with us in our own bed. We are not interested in having more than the one person to live with us.
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Old 09-17-2011, 10:36 PM
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Hi, Seyscouple and welcome.

You might want to search here for 'unicorns.' That's the poly slang for what you're looking for and, as the name implies, it's very hard to find. For one thing, it's very hard to fit into an existing couple's structure. I'm not saying that it doesn't happen, just that the women who are willing to do this are few and far between. I've been asked and I wanted to be the unicorn, but it has never worked out for me. I know many women for whom this is true. It might be worth discussing whether or not you are willing to go in whatever direction life and love takes you rather than trying to shape it to your will.

And I echo AT. It's not a lifestyle, it's a life.

JG
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Old 09-18-2011, 03:01 PM
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A lot of people who live together all have their own rooms that they can chose to invite each other into. Sometimes for sleeping it's just more comfortable not to be 3 to a bed.
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Old 09-18-2011, 03:06 PM
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Hello,

Thank you all for the replies. I guess it would be a little uncomfortable if 3 people were in the same bed every night. We just enjoy having a single female with us. It completes us to no end and that is why we are trying other methods of finding a someone we can share our life together.
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Old 09-18-2011, 04:23 PM
peabean peabean is offline
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We sleep 3 to a bed most nights. It's a bit complicated sometimes, especially when it comes to blankets. I tend to sleep in the middle, because I'm the one who gets coldest. My husband can NOT sleep in the middle because he sweats way too much.

It is nice, but it also helps to have a second room where someone can sleep alone if they choose to. We will be moving to a new house together at the end of the year and we plan to have 2 bedrooms for adults, so our sleep options are more open.
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Old 09-18-2011, 05:47 PM
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Yeah, if some day in the far future I were to move in with my gf and her lovely husband, I would want/need my own bed. Sleeping in their bed with them feels wonderful, but it can just be too crowded for comfort if all I want is to twist and turn a bit and then fall asleep.

Do take Julia's advice and do a tag search for unicorns. It's all too easy for folks with the best of intentions to go about things the wrong way with a third person, and why make the same mistakes as others when you can learn from them instead? There are also some great essays at www.xeromag.com that may be useful to you, such as "things to consider when dating a couple".

Good luck!
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Old 09-19-2011, 02:27 AM
Lane Lane is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by seysccouple View Post
We are curious about the sex in the poly community.
Most of this has been about sleeping so far, not about sex, but that was the first part of your question. What'd you want to know about poly sex? Or was it really the sleeping arrangements you wanted to talk about?
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Old 09-19-2011, 03:22 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Lane View Post
What'd you want to know about poly sex?
Hmm, what do you mean by "poly sex," exactly?
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