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Old 09-05-2011, 06:40 PM
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BrigidsDaughter BrigidsDaughter is offline
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Anne - OP stated that she knew about his poly tendencies for the 10 years that they were dating before they got married. He was only non-sexually poly for 2 of those years prior to their marriage.
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Old 09-05-2011, 09:00 PM
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Anneintherain Anneintherain is offline
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Well he actually said "My poly tendencies were never an issue before, I had only a few other relationships that were all strictly non sexual." If he meant he'd had other lovers while with her previously, I couldn't ascertain that. So I got from what he said that he'd only brought up the desire to have other active sexual relationships during their pre-marriage talks as a desire to have a MFF triad.

I am imagining if i was her, she might be feeling a lot of pressure, and that the only option now is - if you enjoyed being sexual with our friend, you should do it again, we are all going to be a family and she will be an equal partner with us. And I want you to do it again.

Originally Posted by Sodacan View Post
"A nuclear poly family consisting of two women and myself. They would have a relationship as would I and each of them, and we could all live together as one"
I imagine they have had all sorts of other conversations about this but there's a world of difference between feeling you have options on how poly will play out for both partners, and feeling that you are forced down a particular path - going from a marriage of two (that first year is often stressful no matter how long you've known each other) to a potential marriage of three in 0-60, since the other woman is "eager" to be their third (unless he only means threesome partner, I can't tell). Just cause I liked being sexual with somebody doesn't mean I want them to be my wife, and it's quite possible that she is feeling this, whether or not she's being told this.

I'd find it very intimidating after my very first bisexual experience that I be expected to be eager to jump into a triad, and if the other two people are, and she isn't, I can understand why she is scared and upset, especially if she feels ganged up on, and that her husband isn't taking the time to go slow and be supportive. I don't know if he is talking with the other person about this relationship he wants them all to have, or if they have only talked about it to her as a couple, but if his wife isn't on the same page I certainly think those conversations should be put on hold.
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book recommendations, boundary negotiation, counseling, threesomes

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