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  #91  
Old 09-12-2011, 04:41 PM
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SourGirl SourGirl is offline
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I know this thread has gone into 'off topic' category on the surface, but I think it still relates to the porn-topic, as how we are in our daily interactions, can affect how we view porn. They are connected.

Here is something I discovered over the weekend. The term 'lovers' and its actual meaning :

'Could we go back to having lovers?

The difference between lovers and friends with benefits isn’t that having a lover lasts longer. From what I can glean from all the books, the relationship with a lover was fundamentally doomed, and everyone knew that going in. The difference is that there was supposed to be emotion in the scenario. People were, in fact, supposed to revel in the emotions. Part of the fun of being lovers – whether it’s of The Bridges of Madison County variety or the Paolo and Francesca variety – is that, for the time the relationship was occurring, you were expected to care intensely about the other person.

Of course, that emotion can boil over in negative ways. But at least with a lover you’ll be permitted to share your emotions, even if you’ve both agreed early on that you’re not going to end up together and will continue seeing other people. And besides, in a friends with benefits relationship, where the default emotional setting seems to be “show no emotion for fear of seeming too intense” – well, it all boils over anyway. Eventually, someone is going to show up drunk at your doorstep screaming and crying “why don’t you love me?” You just don’t get to make passionate declarations about how this other person is your sun and moon and stars first. And those declarations seem exciting and cool and something worth reminiscing with your grandchildren about one day.

Saying “then he stood me up for two hours so he could play x-box with his friends and I didn’t say anything because I didn’t want to seem ‘crazy’” doesn’t have the same ring to it.

To hell with friends with benefits. Let’s bring back all the emotions. All the emotions that accompany lust with an inappropriate person, anyway.

Or, you could just date.'


- Google ; 'Lets forget friends with benefits'

------------------------------------------------

I do not identify as 'poly' either, and havent for a long while now, but because FWB and FB are seen in various manners, I was looking up other avenues.

We need to remember that 'love' can be NSA too. It`s rare, but you can love someone without wanting anything with them, or from them in a tangible way.

You can also have fwb, a designed relationship, and not want love.

- Love is a choice for some people. While others feel persuaded by it.
- Swingers are not the anti-christ for gawd sakes. There as as many ways to do swinging, as there is poly. Don`t believe me ? head over to the swinger board, and see all the stories of frustration, from people not able to find what they are looking for. They aren`t sexual robots.
- You can have consensual, casual sex, and not be incapable of loving.
- You can be loving, and not want casual sex.

I find a wide variety of relationships interest me. I also find a wide variety of porn interests me. I can get off on vanilla porn, if I think the people are really into each other. I can also get off on the rough, casual, dirty sex. Hell, the Houton 500 ( 620) left me fascinated ! To each their own.

Basically, find what works for you, and then find compatible porn to diddle to.
But stop the holier-then-thou approach to life, love, and porn material.

Nuff said.

Last edited by SourGirl; 09-12-2011 at 04:43 PM.
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  #92  
Old 09-12-2011, 05:55 PM
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AnnabelMore AnnabelMore is offline
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Apologies to the swinger community if I misrepresented them. I suppose I should have said that I've heard that in some swinging situations, love is expressly forbidden. I actually know next to nothing about their culture/practices.
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The major players. Me, 30ish bi female. Gia, girlfriend of 4+ years. Clay, boyfriend/dom. Davis, ex/friend/"it's complicated." Eddie, roommate & fwb.
The supporting cast. Eric, Gia's husband. Bee, Gia and Eric's toddler. Dexter, Gia's lover. Helen, Eric's lover. Izzy and Nikki, Clay's partners. Liam, Eddie's husband.
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  #93  
Old 09-12-2011, 06:04 PM
NeonKaos NeonKaos is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by nycindie View Post

Wouldn't it just be considered Open to have a fuck buddy?

Yes; it would be, and I have "open relationship" on my Fakebook, LOL.

However - me and this guy? We're not really "buddies" either.
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  #94  
Old 09-12-2011, 07:02 PM
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Originally Posted by NeonKaos View Post
However - me and this guy? We're not really "buddies" either.
How about Fuck Acquaintance?
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  #95  
Old 09-12-2011, 07:43 PM
NeonKaos NeonKaos is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by nycindie View Post
How about Fuck Acquaintance?


That's accurate, but he has a name and that's how i refer to him.
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  #96  
Old 01-26-2012, 11:56 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by SourGirl View Post
To hell with friends with benefits. Letís bring back all the emotions. All the emotions that accompany lust with an inappropriate person, anyway.
I agree with that sentiment :-). As to "inappropriate person", why does a lover have to be inappropriate? Anyway, trying to connect this all with porn; would anyone agree with me that you could feel love for someone you've seen in some porn video, never having seen anything of the person other then the video and having no real way of contacting them either (because who knows where the original source of the material is, and ofcourse not really sure if they'd want to be contacted anyway)?

Now, I fully agree that the current 'porn trade' has a lot of dark sides and all of that.. but I do think that it could be improved on.

I think that the porn trade exists in its current form because of society's aversion to being open about their sexuality; there is a high demand for this, atleast from males, and so that's what we get. I think that something like polyamory is a great solution... trying to connect seemingly disparate elements here that I don't think are so disparate.. anyway...
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  #97  
Old 01-26-2012, 01:09 PM
Iktomi Iktomi is offline
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my take on internet porn is that it's perfectly fine unless you are replacing sex or time spent with your sweeties with the porn. personally, i find most porn to be tacky and fake, and i don't think it's worth the potential computer worms, but each to their own. i'd certainly watch porn with my sweetie if that's what s/he wanted to do.

i don't see how it could be morally wrong.
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  #98  
Old 01-26-2012, 01:19 PM
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Originally Posted by Iktomi View Post
my take on internet porn is that it's perfectly fine unless you are replacing sex or time spent with your sweeties with the porn.
Makes sense. I've personally found that I've been most interested in it when I'm single (which happens to be most of the time) or when my relationship isn't working (happened near the end of my relationship with my ex girlfriend).

Quote:
Originally Posted by Iktomi View Post
personally, i find most porn to be tacky and fake,
I agree. And as to the rest, it's hard to find something where the people involved don't seem somewhat forced to be there for some reason, whether it's monetary or otherwise.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Iktomi View Post
and i don't think it's worth the potential computer worms, but each to their own.
I think that apple computers are relatively immune to such things; you seem to literally have to say that yes, you -would- like to be infected to get something :-p.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Iktomi View Post
i'd certainly watch porn with my sweetie if that's what s/he wanted to do.
Sounds cool.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Iktomi View Post
i don't see how it could be morally wrong.
Man, you should have seen how things got at the previous poly forum I was at, laugh :-p. The issue of sex trafficking came up... yes, it exists, yes, it's bad, no, I'm not sure if some of the porn I've seen contains some of this.. but I don't pay for any of the visual kind (I pay for a subscription to a site focusing on erotic literature from time to time).. yes there is click throughs, but as I mentioned to the person who apparently strongly disagreed with me (something I'm fairly sure about now that I've been removed from the group), there is a potential upside to all of this as well; most of the time, when we hear about the poverty of others, it's something that's intangential. I think there's got to be a way of turning this around; I think that in the future, more porn sites will focus on how the porn workers are treated, and people who really care will go to said sites. I was actually agreeing with this person concerning this point but for some reason, I was removed anyway.. oh well.
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  #99  
Old 01-26-2012, 11:23 PM
cjmobxnc cjmobxnc is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Magdlyn View Post
Well, ipso facto, masturbation involves self love, if you're doing it right. It could also involve love for your partner(s), if you think of them while jilling off.
Magdlyn,

Jilling off? That's a term I've never heard, but I guess it makes sense if a female is talking about self-love....

Cindi
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  #100  
Old 01-27-2012, 12:39 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by cjmobxnc View Post
Magdlyn,

Jilling off? That's a term I've never heard, but I guess it makes sense if a female is talking about self-love....

Cindi
I'd never heard of it before either, but apparently it's well established; just google "jilling off", you'll see it's even got its own entry in the urban dictionary ;-).
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