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  #1  
Old 01-20-2012, 02:44 PM
threesnocrowd threesnocrowd is offline
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Default Finding a brother/husband for MFM Triad

Hi All,

We are wondering how you all met your brother-husbands if you are involved in a MFM triad. And also what the dynamics of the relationship are and how you tell your friends and family. Also, how do people react when you tell them?

We (a loving married MF couple) are very interested in finding a brother/husband and want to know other people's experiences.

Thanks and we look forward to hearing your responses!
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Old 01-20-2012, 03:17 PM
AutumnalTone AutumnalTone is offline
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I'm uncertain anybody active here would identify as a brother-husband. We do have folks involved in MFM vees and triads, though. It'll be interesting to see if anybody does identify in that fashion.
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Old 01-20-2012, 07:48 PM
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I am familiar with the term 'sister-wife' mainly from the Mormon marriage structure. Don't know if you are referring to that. As polygamy is not allowed in my country, we aren't able to get our relationship on that level obviously (even if we would wish for it someday). But I am in a relationship with two men that at least want to stay with me 'till death does part us' at this point in time. Maybe we qualify in regard to what you are looking for. If you are interested there is my blog and some others in the life stories and blog section on this side. Maybe you will get some answers to your questions by reading a bit there.
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Old 01-20-2012, 08:02 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by threesnocrowd View Post
We (a loving married MF couple) are very interested in finding a brother/husband...
Are you using the term "brother/husband" because of religious reasons, like being Mormon or similar?
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Old 01-20-2012, 08:52 PM
threesnocrowd threesnocrowd is offline
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Thank you all for your very nice comments. We are sorry and didn't mean to confuse or use the wrong term. We are not very religious and not using the term brother/husband in a religious way at all. We just don't know what else to call the person and in fact the man would not need or be expected to marry me. We are looking for a man who wants to join our relationship. Not just with me (the woman) but with both of us. Sorry for the confusion and we appreciate the comments very much!
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Old 01-21-2012, 08:47 AM
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I think the only successful triads "just happen" when no one is trying to force it.

I've yet to see a single successful triad where people actually went out looking for it. Most of them started either as a Vee, or else as a friendship between the three people that grew into more.

I also strongly urge you to reconsider the phrase "join our relationship." That brings up a lot of icky feelings for some people around here. You're taking another fully grown adult with his own thoughts and feelings and forming three new relationships with that person: the relationship between wife and new husband, the relationship between husband and new husband, and the three-way relationship between all of you. It's really important to identify those as three separate relationships, ending up with four in total including your existing marriage, which itself will also be completely altered.
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Old 01-22-2012, 05:33 PM
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I've been in a central MFM dynamic for over three years now. I think of my partner's husband as family and that's the way I refer to him. I don't use any fancy labels in his case

Just get out there with the right crowd and socialize naturally - don't hunt for a perfect fit just let it enter your life on it's own accord.
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Old 01-23-2012, 02:38 PM
threesnocrowd threesnocrowd is offline
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That sounds like good advice. I guess we are just so excited now that we have finally both agreed that we want this that I think we might be taking things a little too fast rather than have them come naturally as everyone seems to be saying. But how do you approach a man, friend or acquaintance, on this subject. Its pretty delicate and we would not want to lose the friendship if the person was not interested.
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Old 01-26-2012, 05:27 AM
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I'm Mono's girlfriend. You are welcome to read my blog and see some of what our journey had been. You might also want to read the threads that come up if you do a tag search for "triad" "triads" "vees" "secondary" This is a common theme for couples. Finding a unicorn to "join" their relationship. There is lots to learn about how to approach someone with as much respect and consideration as possible. Starting with not thinking of them as "joining' you. Its a relationship mind altering experience living in a vee or triad. It will make you look differently at what you "think" relationship of any kind of commitment are about. Be prepared to not be the same ever again in your couple-centric relationship. good luck.
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Old 02-05-2012, 04:26 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by SchrodingersCat View Post
I think the only successful triads "just happen" when no one is trying to force it.

I've yet to see a single successful triad where people actually went out looking for it. Most of them started either as a Vee, or else as a friendship between the three people that grew into more.
That is how our one and so far only MFM triad started. Unfortunately life (work and distance got in the way and we drifted apart. Been looking and hoping for a new one ever since.

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