Polyamory.com Forum  

Go Back   Polyamory.com Forum > Polyamory > Poly Relationships Corner

Notices

Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
  #11  
Old 09-02-2011, 01:02 PM
CountryLiving CountryLiving is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Bulgaria
Posts: 11
Default

Good question BrigidsDaughter.
Our problem is where we live. If we meet someone that would like us as a permanent occasional, I guess that would work for all.
We would not expect someone to give up their home and life, unless they wanted, hey we all wanted.
The location would be the issue, unless it suited the lady to flit in and as as she needed and desired.
Reply With Quote
  #12  
Old 09-02-2011, 01:42 PM
MichelleZed MichelleZed is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 194
Default

I was thinking the same thing. You guys have planned what bathroom this girl will use, but you haven't met a girl yet!

I assume you didn't move in with your husband right after you met him--you dated for awhile. I expect that this would most likely happen once you start dating other people, too. It'll have to start slow.

You have detailed a very involved fantasy scenario of what this girl will be like and where she'll stay and what she'll want to do, etc. All of it describes a pretty serious commitment--living with you, sharing your lives (but not too much!), being exclusive with you. Will anybody want to get that serious right away?

Is it possible you and your husband should just have a couple of casual threesomes first, just to get used to the dynamic of interacting with a third person? Then you can kind of take it from there...
Reply With Quote
  #13  
Old 09-02-2011, 02:04 PM
CountryLiving CountryLiving is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Bulgaria
Posts: 11
Default

OK how and when did I say what she would be like, I can say she would have to like the countryside because if she didn't she would hate it. As there is little chance of her coming from around here, it would mean she would have to travel, our commitments to our land, our animals mean we can't not together often anyway.
I am obvioulsy not clear in what I am saying, or some of you guys are just picking on the tiniest of details and making it a film.
I mentioned own space, a bathroom and suddenly a life is designed. I mean come on give us a break. Doesn't most people like privacy sometimes, that might be what I was asking.
If you don't like the country there is no place to go, it fine for a visit, but if you are thinking of moving to it, you have to love it. There I've said it. You have to love the country. One bus a day. One shop. No English speaking people. No cafe for 20 kilometres. No bar as such........just fields, animals, working the land, and us. So if it was a distant encounter, maybe it would be good to be honest first.
Right forgive me for being short, but animals to sort for bed, some to walk, others to feed, and bottling to finish, before we settle down for an evening listening to the world and looking at the stars. Not for all eh.
Reply With Quote
  #14  
Old 09-02-2011, 02:17 PM
MichelleZed MichelleZed is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 194
Default

No, but for other people, that lifestyle will be very lovely!

Nobody's trying to attack you. We just want to make sure that you have realistic expectations, that's all--that things might develop slowly, that you might not get exactly what you want, and that exactly that you want now might not be what you (or your third!) wants later.
Reply With Quote
  #15  
Old 09-03-2011, 11:56 PM
redpepper's Avatar
redpepper redpepper is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: Canada
Posts: 7,634
Default

FYI if you go back a page or more you can retrieve your lost post. You can also option for being "remembered" when you log in.

Have you considered an long distant relationship (LDR)? Maybe finding someone on line would work? That way they could visit and things could build slowly.

Please remember that people have different writing styles and/or can be triggered by threads. How they come across can reflect that. I have found that remembering what is my shit and what is someone elses is really helpful. As is not replying if I am triggered or waiting for a bit. Just a word to the wise there.
__________________
Anyone want to be friends on Facebook?
Send me your name via PM
My blog
Reply With Quote
  #16  
Old 09-08-2011, 06:43 AM
BlackUnicorn's Avatar
BlackUnicorn BlackUnicorn is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2011
Posts: 906
Default

Hmm, your situation looks like unicorn-hunting with a twist (well, not an actual unicorn, because you said you would be okay with a vee, which is a huge step forward from most people, trust me!).

I'm not very familiar with Intentional Communities, but I think reading about those, maybe joining a few online communities etc. would be worthwile. More than for someone to be poly-friendly, you actually need someone to be country-friendly.

I would also advice you look for friendship first. And more than a holiday off the farm, it might be more useful to bring prospects for a work holiday on the farm (with their full knowledge and consent, of course!). I'm reminded of a reality tv show back here where men and women living on the countryside and working their farms are looking for brides and grooms interested in sharing their life and work.

As per RP's advice, I think it's vital you focus your search on women who have economically viable livelihoods of their own, be they retired or able to work from a distance. Also, are you only looking for ex-pats living in Bulgaria, or are Bulgarian ladies also an option? Brushing up your language skills and contacting the Bulgarian poly scene, if you haven't already, might be a wise move.

Basically, you are looking to win in the lottery, twice, first finding a de facto unicorn and also someone who would be willing to share your life and work and the very special circumstances that come with it. LDR or people interested in intentional communities with no romance might be something you have to consider settling with.

I'm not sure if this was addressed already, but have you thought about extending your search to males and/or other couples?
__________________
Me: bi female in my twenties
Dating: Moonlightrunner
Metamour: Windflower
Reply With Quote
  #17  
Old 09-08-2011, 07:14 AM
nycindie's Avatar
nycindie nycindie is offline
Moderator
 
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: The Big Apple
Posts: 7,109
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by BlackUnicorn View Post
. . . are you only looking for ex-pats living in Bulgaria, or are Bulgarian ladies also an option? Brushing up your language skills and contacting the Bulgarian poly scene. . .
Oh, BU, are you thinking this couple is a pair of ex-pats? I didn't see any mention of that.

You did mention, CL, in your intro thread that you have property in a city. Is that somewhat near enough to see if there is any sort of polyamorous community? Perhaps someone there would be interested in country living.
__________________
The world opens up... when you do.

Oh, oh, can't you see? Love is the drug for me. ~Bryan Ferry
"Love is that condition in which another person's happiness is essential to your own." ~Robert Heinlein
Reply With Quote
  #18  
Old 09-10-2011, 02:37 PM
CountryLiving CountryLiving is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Bulgaria
Posts: 11
Default

We are ex pats yes, was I remiss in this.
There is an apartment in the city. Used purely for leisure time. I would say no to 'seeking out' a community in the city, it is barely finding its cosmopolitian feet as yet. Ex pat communities are notoriously dog eat dog, and something we do not involve ourselves in. Nor would wish for another person to have to deal with. This is after all not just about us but about another person, should they ever come to be.
We speak the language, but you know that might cause some discomfort to a newby friend.
Getting someone to work alongside us - as a holiday introduction, indeed an excellent idea something we had thought of. However thought that if like us, we were staying somewhere we would join in, experience the life. If they chose not too, well I think all sorts of people mix in relationships. That is the buzz factor.
Winning the lottery in a relationship. Well I think I am like the person in the bingo hall, some days I have a winning ticket, other days its close, and some days its a dead loss. That is life. Its living, its a fact.
So pleased you are all putting points, it is providing lots of chat for us. Lots of ideas and realisations that we have missed bits out in our 'are we missing something'.
Very much appreciated xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Reply With Quote
Reply

Tags
triads, unicorn, unicorns

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump


All times are GMT. The time now is 12:03 AM.