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  #31  
Old 08-29-2011, 03:05 PM
hoorayjeebus hoorayjeebus is offline
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I agree with the previous posters. Poly won't fix any of your problems. In fact, it will highlight and magnify everything that is wrong with your relationship. If you feel your relationship has gone flat and you need love, then work on getting that love and energy within your relationship first.

Think of your relationship as an old piece of machinery - it needs maintenance, parts break down, and need to be replaced, etc. Now think of poly as someone zapping 10,000 volts to that machinery. If the machinery is maintained and all the parts are working, it gets a boost of energy. If not, EVERY PART that is bad (or even starting to get bad) will get blown out and needs to be fixed.

I realize this metaphor is stilted, maybe someone can improve it for me
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  #32  
Old 08-29-2011, 03:40 PM
dingedheart dingedheart is offline
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How about if the machine was made of cheese....no that won't work it would just melt. Fondue anyone.
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  #33  
Old 08-29-2011, 03:42 PM
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Magdlyn Magdlyn is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by hoorayjeebus View Post

Think of your relationship as an old piece of machinery - it needs maintenance, parts break down, and need to be replaced, etc. Now think of poly as someone zapping 10,000 volts to that machinery. If the machinery is maintained and all the parts are working, it gets a boost of energy. If not, EVERY PART that is bad (or even starting to get bad) will get blown out and needs to be fixed.

I realize this metaphor is stilted, maybe someone can improve it for me
No, I like it a lot.
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miss pixi, 37
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  #34  
Old 08-29-2011, 11:13 PM
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nycindie nycindie is offline
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DH, you've been hilarious in this thread!
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Oh, oh, can't you see? Love is the drug for me. ~Bryan Ferry
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  #35  
Old 08-30-2011, 12:10 AM
dingedheart dingedheart is offline
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The op hasn't been back since the loss to the colts.....I might be on to something here.

Cindie,
You're Brett fan from when he was with the jets ....right. You better keep that to yourself until Mr & MRS Cheese get back to us. Hey did you get your feet wet over the weekend?..... bad weekend for skirts or kilts( Irish cops). I have a client in Maryland I'm surprise he hasn't called to request and emergency miracle visit.
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  #36  
Old 08-30-2011, 12:10 AM
hoorayjeebus hoorayjeebus is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by dingedheart View Post
How about if the machine was made of cheese....no that won't work it would just melt. Fondue anyone.
I think that would work *excellently*....yum
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  #37  
Old 08-30-2011, 12:28 AM
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nycindie nycindie is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by dingedheart View Post
Cindie,
You're Brett fan from when he was with the jets ....right. You better keep that to yourself until Mr & MRS Cheese get back to us.
I'm not a fan of any sports player. I do like watching football (although I get squeamish when the guys get hurt), but my policy is always to root for the underdog in any game. I don't have any favorite teams.

Sorry for the tangent, Mr. & Ms. Cheese.
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Oh, oh, can't you see? Love is the drug for me. ~Bryan Ferry
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  #38  
Old 08-30-2011, 03:47 AM
Cheesehead100 Cheesehead100 is offline
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Brett Favre ... the man that put the 'F' in WTF?

Thanks for the candid and pragmatic advice. We've sorted a lot of stuff out in the last couple days and we're doing a lot better now. It turns out that many of my weaknesses are strengths of the coworker, which highlighted everything that I do wrong in our relationship - a recipe for disaster. This makes it easier for me to understand why her feelings went towards this man.

Now that the air is clear, it's been fun thinking of all the possibilities that poly affords. We also see the work and attentiveness it takes to have extracurricular relationships while keeping the primary happy. We've agreed to take things slow and be honest about all of our feelings. I'm very proud that we got through this crisis and feel stronger from it. I also feel like a teenager, exploring and re-discovering sexuality with my hot ass cheesehead wife!
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  #39  
Old 08-31-2011, 03:39 AM
CheesyLady CheesyLady is offline
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I appreciate the humor in what has proven to be a trying time for us.

#1 thought on Favre is a diva and traitor. Although I have to say I did enjoy watching him play his last season (reminded me of his prime with the Packers), including the always can count on interception to lose the second to most important game in the season.

DH - We definitely had our honeymoon phase while we were both students at the same college. Issues started showing up when we moved out of that town. We seemed to think that we knew what the problem was, work on fixing that, and then a new one would rear its head. My fear was that that was never going to stop. That seems to have left us angry and disappointed in each other.

Jeebus - I think your metaphor makes perfect sense. We definitely ran into all of the weaknesses in our relationship head on and had to deal with everything all at once.

Black Unicorn - I think you're right. It would not have survived. The NRE cloud was leaving me feeling invincible. Counseling has been going well. Mr. Cheesehead believes that most if not all of the issues I mentioned in my original post can be solved with improved communication. We'd been doing great the couple weeks up to when I brought all of this stuff up. In fact, Mr. Cheesehead believes that they've been solved for a couple of months and I haven't noticed since my mind was elsewhere.

After deciding the best thing was to go, it was hard to come back from that. After posting on here, Mr. Cheesehead was able to take a look at things from the outside and let me know that he's aware there's some things he could have done differently too.

Maybe it has simply taken us 4 years to adjust to not being students and the time that afforded us to spend together. For now we have a renewed will to be together and explore new things. Even if we claim to be poly without adding secondaries, it seems that this is a very good group of people to be around for general good care for any kind of a relationship!
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  #40  
Old 08-31-2011, 05:14 AM
dingedheart dingedheart is offline
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Cheesy lady .....I'm glad you enjoyed my comments. And you have the correct answer ... .Farves is a diva scum bag traitor.....you win!

What I meant by honeymoon phase was ...the fun happy period directly after the wedding..... I think it's generally considered the first 6 months to a year. So what you're saying is you had that during the dating process? maybe after some counseling ....with your new tools you could try to get that honeymoon phase going now.

Good luck D
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