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  #21  
Old 08-25-2011, 03:36 PM
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AnnabelMore AnnabelMore is offline
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I whole heartedly agree with BU (doing a lot of that today!). Poly will not make up fot any problems in your relationship, rather it will expose and exacerbate them. If you want to set up something that will work for you guys and for any new partners, you've got to be on the firmest possible footing.
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  #22  
Old 08-25-2011, 04:26 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by AnnabelMore View Post
I whole heartedly agree with BU (doing a lot of that today!).
Ahh, I think it's time to cut the crap, Anne - BlackUnicorn and AnnabelMore are actually the same poster who is just desparate to feel validated online, even if just by herself !
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  #23  
Old 08-25-2011, 05:01 PM
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Originally Posted by BlackUnicorn View Post
Ahh, I think it's time to cut the crap, Anne - BlackUnicorn and AnnabelMore are actually the same poster who is just desparate to feel validated online, even if just by herself !
Bwahaha, and we spend so much time making up enough material to fill two blogs that we don't actually have any relationships irl.
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  #24  
Old 08-25-2011, 10:42 PM
gafats43 gafats43 is offline
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Default She wants more than just you !

I have been married more than once and one of them was a real hot young lady.
We had an affair when she was married to someone else and which ended up with her divorcing him to marry me.That was great and I felt really lucky until she started wanting to go out and so on.You probably get he picture right now and although she never talked about it I was obvioulsy not the only man that was sleeping with her.
If you are in love with someone an open marraige is not really a good idea as it will hurt but if you only care for them even love them it can work.That was the case with her so she went out a played a bit while I took on mistresses over the years.We were married for over 10 years until yes I fell deeply in love with one of those young ladies I had been dating.
I divorced my wife and married the mistress , so yes I am eternally happy but when you play with fire your fingers can get burnt.This is what happened to my ex wife and everyday I feel a bit bad about.The concept of multiple partners/ lovers within the bounds of a marraige is fine but remember she might fall in love and divorce you.My moral is if you are out of your depth get out and fast.
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  #25  
Old 08-25-2011, 11:40 PM
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Gafats, I believe you are way off-base and even out of line with what you wrote.

Troll?
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  #26  
Old 08-26-2011, 05:32 AM
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@gafats43- cheating and having affairs is not poly... that's pretty confirmed I think. I'm trying to understand your point... I'm not sure how much you have read here, but most of us are above board and working on managing many relationships at once that are known and consensual... Have I missed something here? Please explain more about the advice you are giving?
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  #27  
Old 08-26-2011, 01:29 PM
Cheesehead100 Cheesehead100 is offline
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I'm glad that Mrs Cheeshead was able to write such a detailed history. It conveys a lot of the frustration that we've experienced in living the "American Dream". We fell in love in the college lifestyle and have spent our time as "grown ups" wondering what happened to the good old days.

An interesting thing happened to me wednesday when Mrs Cheesehead told me that the co-worker wasn't going to follow through. It's true I felt relieved. But I also felt pain for her and all that she's going through in being rejected. I'm certainly not at a point to get excited for her being with someone else, but you have to start somewhere, right?

Right now, it seems like she's processing a lot of feelings. It seems unclear if she has any energy left in our relationship after living the American nightmare with me for 2-3 years.
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  #28  
Old 08-26-2011, 02:47 PM
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Default What lies beneath

I wonder if there is a higher incidence of ADD among polys than the general population. The condition is erroniously named. The problem is not so much primary innattentiveness, but that we are overstimulated by too many things in our immediate orbit. When something or someone grabs our attention though we tend to hyperfocus (incredible NRE?) sometimes to the detriment of our other interests or relationships and our general well being. Impulsiveness and feelings of restlessness and being trapped are also common which can lead to rash decisions. This anxiety can be so overwhelming that circular reasoning sets in and it feeds itself. In the partner not seeking or experiencing a new relationship it can lead to feelings of jealousy and fear of loss. Maybe recognizing and dealing with the underlying condition can improve and strengthen alot of relationships. Any thoughts? Anyone heard of any studies on the subject?
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Last edited by Sirius; 08-26-2011 at 03:35 PM.
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  #29  
Old 08-26-2011, 08:20 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Sirius View Post
ADD . . . The problem is not so much primary innattentiveness, but that we are overstimulated by too many things in our immediate orbit. When something or someone grabs our attention though we tend to hyperfocus (incredible NRE?) sometimes to the detriment of our other interests or relationships and our general well being.
ADD manifests differently in women than it does men and boys. Women and girls are more often affected by the inattentive type of ADD. So you can't really generalize about symptoms for everyone who has ADD. However, I don't see how this relates to the OP or this thread, since there was no mention made of ADD. It just seems they have some communications issues and areas in which they are not as compatible as others.
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  #30  
Old 08-26-2011, 08:25 PM
dingedheart dingedheart is offline
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Mr &Mrs. Cheese

Was there a honeymoon phase or period? Did these issues ever come up prior to getting married?


Brett Farve ....Genius or asshole scumbag traitor? All cheese heads I know take this very seriously......so seriously that depending how you both answer this could be the actual cause of your martial problems.....let's hope not because no therapist in cheese land has the insurance to take these cases anymore.
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