Division in the poly community

[redpepper]

Originally Posted by nycindie

How is the other thread a possible history of polyamory?

It didn't mention poly no... poly history started similarly it seems. That is what I meant.

[MorningTwilight]

Originally Posted by TruckerPete

Have to disagree with you, here. (And NYC's similar sentiment; can't be bothered to multiquote on iPad.)

I do believe it is possible for someone to choose to be poly, structure their relationships in a poly fashion, or identify as poly. However you'd like to put it.

But there are some for whom it is not a choice. What proof do you want? Well, me. Unless you are referring to choosing poly over cheating or serial monogamy for the rest of my life. That's about the only choice I have over how I deal with falling in love ALL THE FRICKIN' TIME.

What she said. My choice was to try to bottle it up and repress it and stuff this square poly peg into a round mono hole (please excuse the language--I didn't intend for it to be dirty), and it made me intensely unhappy, guilty, and ashamed for a long time.

For me, being poly is every bit as much a wired orientation as someone else being wired gay or lesbian. "Coming out" to me has the same significance--and the same relief--as it does for someone who was closeted and trying to live unhappily as a straight person.

I readily admit that, as with sexual orientation, poly vs. mono probably has a spectrum: some are hardwired mono, some could choose to live either way, and some are hardwired poly.

[trueRiver]

Originally Posted by MorningTwilight

...
I readily admit that, as with sexual orientation, poly vs. mono probably has a spectrum: some are hardwired mono, some could choose to live either way, and some are hardwired poly.

I'd go with that. I identify as hardwired polyflexible.

Poly is me, I am poly, but not to the extent that I am unable to commit to mono and then keep to it...

Thank you to all the people who have contributed to this thread: I have had to think about this carefully, and that has been useful. If you think I have changed position during this thread, well, I think I have too


And from earlier in this thread:

Originally Posted by booklady78

The comparison that comes to mind is the reluctance of some of the gay community to accept bisexuality. There are gay folks out there, for whatever reason, who do not readily accept bisexuality. Lets not forget a few of the ignorant heterosexual crowd who believe bisexuals are just "confused" and haven't made up their minds yet. The community strives for acceptance because they still face a great deal of prejudice. Showing the world how "normal" they are perhaps means rejecting some of the variation that comes with sexual identity. It's sad really and I don't know what the solution is.

Let's not have any of this amongst poly people? We can accept those who are poly, polyflexible, by identity and those who feel it as a conscious choice, surely? None of these is "better" than any other, nor are any of us "better" than mono peope. Just different.

[SourGirl]

Originally Posted by trueRiver

Let's not have any of this amongst poly people? We can accept those who are poly, polyflexible, by identity and those who feel it as a conscious choice, surely? None of these is "better" than any other, nor are any of us "better" than mono peope. Just different.

Well THAT would be nice ! I think they call that 'Live, and let live.'

[NeonKaos]

Originally Posted by SourGirl

Well THAT would be nice ! I think they call that 'Live, and let live.'

I call it "minding my own fucking business" but that's because i'm negative and cynical and hypercritical, and don't any of you ever forget that.

[TruckerPete]

Originally Posted by NeonKaos

... and don't any of you ever forget that.

How dare you order me around.

[SourGirl]

Originally Posted by NeonKaos

I call it "minding my own fucking business" but that's because i'm negative and cynical and hypercritical, and don't any of you ever forget that.

Of the choices available, I`d rather be the hypercritical one, then the hypocrite.

I`m negative and forgetful, so you`ll have to keep reminding me.

[BigGuy]

I assume everybody's seen Franklin Veaux's Non-Monogamy Diagram.

My apologies if this is a repeat.