Polyamory.com Forum  

Go Back   Polyamory.com Forum > Polyamory > General Poly Discussions

Notices

Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
  #1  
Old 08-12-2011, 04:22 PM
River's Avatar
River River is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: NM, USA
Posts: 1,894
Default Poly Women Respond

One of my bestest friends (I'll call him Sean, though it's not his real name) told me last night that women just aren't well suited for polyamory, that it goes against a woman's basic nature when there is sexual/romantic involvement. He said he thinks women are just biologically driven to be possessive and desire exclusivity in love.

What, dear women friends, would you say to Sean? (I'll point this thread out to him at some point and he can read it.)

Edit:

Although us guys may be tempted to discuss the posts in this thread, I want to very strongly discourage men from participating in this thread at all, myself included. If need be, we can start a thread in which men and women both can discuss this thread.

And let me thank all of the women in advance for their comments. Much appreciated.
__________________
bi, partnered, available

River's Blog

Last edited by River; 08-12-2011 at 05:09 PM.
Reply With Quote
  #2  
Old 08-12-2011, 04:38 PM
nycindie's Avatar
nycindie nycindie is offline
Moderator
 
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: The Big Apple
Posts: 7,375
Default

That's such an odd view and obviously panders to an old stereotype. I have read in so many places that it has been, more often than not, the woman in a relationship that wants to open it up to poly. And in my own life, I have found men to be so much more "puritanical" in their attitudes about sex than women are. Time and time again, I have experienced that the guys are always the ones to get hung up on the fact that sex took place and that, apparently, means something about exclusivity. I cannot begin to tell you how many past relationships I had that started out as "casual" and as soon as we had sex, the guy broke up with me and got engaged with the next woman he met. Meanwhile, the women I've known talk easily about sex with each other, and tend to be more open-minded about relationships and sex. I suspect that your friend's notion comes out of the old madonna/whore perspective on women. If a woman has good potential as a mate in a relationship, she's not expected to be sexual or wanting others. That's hogwash, of course. Furthermore, if a woman is "biologically driven," ie., toward baby-making, then it would stand to reason she'd want as many partners as possible for the best chances of producing offspring. But there are plenty of women, like myself, who have never had the urge to be a mother -- but we sure as hell want sex and love! Maybe we're the ones that guys get most fucked-up about trying to understand.
__________________
The world opens up... when you do.

"Oh, oh, can't you see? Love is the drug for me." ~Bryan Ferry
"Love and the self are one . . ." ~Leo Buscaglia "

Last edited by nycindie; 08-12-2011 at 07:24 PM.
Reply With Quote
  #3  
Old 08-12-2011, 05:00 PM
NeonKaos NeonKaos is offline
Custodian
 
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: new england
Posts: 3,221
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by River View Post

What, dear women friends, would you say to Sean? (I'll point this thread out to him at some point and he can read it.)

Tell Sean first I said, "BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! LOLOLULZ"

Then tell him I would like to examine the data he gathered during this study and how he used it to arrive at this "conclusion".

Then tell him I said "BWAAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!! LOLOLULZ".

Then tell him to look at the YouTube videos of me 20 years ago. (irrelevant to the topic but quite a blast from the past if I do say so myself.)

Last edited by NeonKaos; 08-12-2011 at 05:04 PM.
Reply With Quote
  #4  
Old 08-12-2011, 06:10 PM
Nacirema's Avatar
Nacirema Nacirema is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: New Orleans
Posts: 11
Default

Interesting he would think that, as in my experience, it's usually men who can't keep things organized. Makes you think that maybe, just maybe, each person is their own person.
Reply With Quote
  #5  
Old 08-12-2011, 07:10 PM
rory's Avatar
rory rory is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: Europe
Posts: 497
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by NeonKaos View Post
Tell Sean first I said, "BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! LOLOLULZ"
Second this.
Reply With Quote
  #6  
Old 08-12-2011, 07:16 PM
his1911 his1911 is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: N GA
Posts: 20
Default

I told my wife about this ( she's poly but not currently interested in dating anyone else too much other stuff going on ) She only rolled her eyes laughed and said "what a moron"
Reply With Quote
  #7  
Old 08-12-2011, 07:19 PM
TruckerPete TruckerPete is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 999
Default

I would tell him that it seems he has bad taste in women.
Reply With Quote
  #8  
Old 08-12-2011, 07:23 PM
openbj's Avatar
openbj openbj is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: OK, USA (but our hearts remain in TX)
Posts: 102
Default

Well, think of it this way: If a woman has more than one child, people don't question whether she loves each of them wholly and completely. So, why is it questioned that she would also have the ability and heart to love more than one man wholly and completely?
__________________
Married 12 1/2 years. Female. Straight. New to poly.
Reply With Quote
  #9  
Old 08-12-2011, 07:54 PM
redpepper's Avatar
redpepper redpepper is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: Canada
Posts: 7,639
Default

Ya, HA!,... Well, he doesn't know women if he thinks he can generalize; excuse me, he doesn't know people. I think he should take up the riveting hobby of involving himself with people other than he is used to, really be a fly on the wall and see if he still agrees.
__________________
Anyone want to be friends on Facebook?
Send me your name via PM
My blog
Reply With Quote
  #10  
Old 08-12-2011, 07:56 PM
redpepper's Avatar
redpepper redpepper is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: Canada
Posts: 7,639
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by redpepper View Post
be a fly on the wall and see if he still agrees.
he can start at my house.
__________________
Anyone want to be friends on Facebook?
Send me your name via PM
My blog
Reply With Quote
Reply

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump


All times are GMT. The time now is 08:53 PM.