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Old 08-12-2011, 07:43 PM
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redpepper redpepper is offline
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The thing is Mono, if I hadn't of agreed to make the compromises I did I would be saying, "what if I had agreed to compromise?" Its more attuned to my nature to agree to try "us" out and give "us" time and space to grow than to say "fuck it I'm doing what I want because I'm poly and you have to deal with it."
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Old 08-12-2011, 10:05 PM
marksbabygirl marksbabygirl is offline
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Location: Squamish, BC
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What if I had posted more openly on these boards?
What if I had reached out in a way that I was able to get constructive advice?
What if I had stayed in Victoria?
What if I had learned some lessons about myself and my marriage sooner?
What if I had known to define things so that everyone's expectations were on the same page?
What if...

Well, it doesn't matter anymore, because NONE of those things happened.

So instead I could think...

What if I find someone who interests me enough that I start dating?
What if I get lost in NRE?
What if I never find anyone else?


Its all good... because I could what if myself back to 1989 when I was first with my first 'love' and he threw me to the ground and hit me and instead of going with the kind strangers who offered to help me, I stayed with him...

So I prefer to think...

What if we just keep on doing what we're doing?

Because right now its working
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Old 08-13-2011, 02:41 AM
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openbj openbj is offline
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Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: OK, USA (but our hearts remain in TX)
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My biggest What If right now is, What if I'm actually poly as well? You'll have to read my latest blog entry to see what I'm talking about: http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=12461
Married 12 1/2 years. Female. Straight. New to poly.
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Old 08-13-2011, 03:00 AM
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ImaginaryIllusion ImaginaryIllusion is offline
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Location: Canada
Posts: 2,016

What if we could be happy with where and who we are, what we have, instead of focusing on what we think we want?
“People who say it cannot be done should not interrupt those who are doing it.” - Chinese Proverb

-Imaginary Illusion

How did I get here & Where am I going?
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Old 08-13-2011, 03:02 AM
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Derbylicious Derbylicious is offline
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What if my husband gets posted? What will that mean for me?
Everything will be ok in the end. If it's not ok it's not the end.
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Old 08-13-2011, 11:20 AM
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sage sage is offline
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Location: Melbourne, Australia
Posts: 633

What if I untether from identifying as monogamous? OK, so I haven't got another love in my life at the moment but neither do many polyamorous people. What if we can release identities/labels that no longer serve us?
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Old 08-13-2011, 06:43 PM
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River River is offline
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Location: NM, USA
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What if the sun explodes?

What if an asteroid half as big as the moon collides with Earth?

What if a 12.8 earthquake rocks the whole continent?

What if she is an alien disguised as a human and intends to eat my lungs for breakfast?

These things worry me. A lot!
"Love is always a matter of learning how to live in an unknown land."

"Love is always about learning the Nature of things."

-- Martín Prechtel

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Old 08-15-2011, 05:30 AM
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DrunkenPorcupine DrunkenPorcupine is offline
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Posts: 175

My biggest "what if" is "What if I had not been openly poly".

It's not a think with a SPECIFIC relationship or anything. But when my ex-wife and I opened out marriage (I'm poly, she is 'open'), it was clear that it was because I wanted to fall in love again. She wanted partners.

This level of freedom and honesty in our relationship felt amazing and I wanted to share that "option" with people, so I came out pretty early on.

I live in a community of a thousand tight-knit folks with a common purpose. Within this community, I became somewhat of the poster boy for polyamory.

My only regret is what if I hadn't done that. The first person I fell in love with never returned my feelings... or not openly so. She was married and supposedly mono. She seemed to react more to the fact that I was poly, even when I was poly and SINGLE, than the fact that I was developing feelings for her.

She's been struggling with her marriage for a long time and she seemed to think that I was advocating one of two things - poly or divorce - when I was simply advocating for her to do what was right by her own developing standards. For years, she stayed with her husband.

Several weeks ago, and after I got myself to believe that holding those feelings for so long was unhealthy for me, she divorced of her own free will. After becoming limerent toward my best friend who is mono.

I have to wonder, partially arrogantly and partially just to ponder how domino effects happen... Had I been visibly "single" at that time... Had I been less of a leap from her valued "traditional" relationship, may that have happened sooner? Might we have become involved?

But I don't strictly REGRET my decision. I just wonder.
Connection is the path to passion. Passion is not the path to connection.
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choices, choosing, compromise

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