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Old 08-21-2011, 09:37 PM
Khas Khas is offline
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Join Date: Aug 2011
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Had an interesting discussion with Lost today. We were talking about what I'm attracted to, and it occurred to me that, while I may be poly, or polyfi, or somewhere in that spectrum, I'm either not overly confident with it, or I'm just likely to have a pretty limited pool of potential relationships. Its not that I question whether I am capable of loving more than one at a time - but more significantly, there are some pretty significant criteria that an interest has to meet before I can allow myself to become attracted.

Specifically, I have found that, unless a woman knows, and, significantly, cares about, my wife, they basically don't show up on my radar. I can be friendly with them, sure, but I seem to have some odd wiring which stops me at that threshold. I meet plenty of women who are attractive, and I've come across a few who seemed fairly interested in me, but I've never had any stronger feelings until I've seen them interact with my wife, and know that things are ok there.

In looking at it, I wonder if it was because of relationships I was in when I was younger, where my partner had an OSO who knew, but could care less about, me, or if maybe its a sign of some other insecurities or something I should be concerned about.

Its not something anyone is asking of me - in some ways, I think my wife would prefer it not to be the case - but to me, it feels like a personal boundary, and a matter of respect for someone who would, at the least, be a metamour. Its also probably quite a lot of ask of someone who would potentially be entering into a new relationship.
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