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Old 08-05-2011, 04:40 PM
arrowhead arrowhead is offline
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Default Trying to Sort thru this

Hi all:

A little about me first before I describe my situation...

I am a 52 year-old male. I have been married 26 years. I was in a very controlling religion (Mormon) for almost 30 years. About 5 years ago I started questioning things and that was the beginning of my exodus away from organized religion altogether. It created no small amount of contention within my family. Since that time, I have questioned everything about my life and have examined every belief I have. No stone has gone unturned. I have changed so many things about my life; actually though, I simply reverted to the real me once I got rid of all the programming. I am happier now with myself than I have been in a long time.

I became a practicing naturist/nudist about 4 years ago (which is another story in itself). I love being nude and natural and would be like that all the time if I could. Naturism is a pretty benign practice and anything sexual is not tolerated in public in a nudist environment. It is also a couple-centric environment. However, it also led me to ask more questions about issues I had put on "my shelf" for much of my life. I also practice yoga and became a licensed instructor about 2 years ago. I don't actively teach but it has helped deepen my practice just the same.

I am also a "green," scientific type of person by temperament. I love nature, hike when I can, and love the outdoors.

The changes I have made in my life above have been very hard on my wife - who expected nothing to change - and we tried to make things work. However, we are very different and decided to separate. We plan on filing for divorce at the end of the year. I don't blame her for anything. She is a wonderful person. However, there were a lot of things wrong in the marriage besides me leaving the church and the other activities I mentioned above. I have a great relationship with my three children whom I love more than I can say. They have been very understanding and are wonderful kids.

So that's a little about me. Here's my situation...

There are two dear friends of mine, who are married, that I also met in the church 25 years ago. Like me, they have since left the church and have been swingers for about 6 years. I will call them Greg and Stacy.

Greg and Stacy invited me over one night just for a visit. They initially were a good support group after my separation. After having some wine and we were relaxed, Greg invited me to touch Stacy and kiss her. Being swingers, he initially thought nothing much of it. However, Stacy and I had an immediate physical connection. That has since morphed over time into something where we both now have feelings for one another. Stacy has wanted to be poly for a long time. This situation she has with me isn't the first time something like this has happened to her, but it is a first time for me. She has confided to me that her feelings for me have never been this strong with others. Greg just wants to swing. He is intimidated if Stacy or I have any feelings for one another. But, he's the one who opened that door. Stacy and I do not keep anything from Greg and we are trying to have things go slowly. Also, this seems like new territory for both of us, particularly me. We haven't been alone or even had sex since all this started. We are all great friends though and have a wonderful relationship. I want to keep it that way b/c I would never want to hurt Greg just so I could be with Stacy.

I started lurking on this site and learning terms like "NRE" that I didn't know. Stacy and I had initially had strong NRE and it has now settled down somewhat.

There has been one other situation where I was with Greg & Stacy, one other couple, and a single woman. There was some playing but no sex. I really enjoyed it but something was missing for me.

The long story short with all of this is that I don't consider myself a swinger. I have learned that I don't feel comfortable just having recreational sex with anyone. I want to have a relationship. I also know that I could love several women. For the little experience I have had with Stacy and the other women I mentioned above, I can say that I was attracted to all of them in both physical and non-physical ways. I wanted to connect with each one. Still, Stacy does hold a special place for me. I don't have a problem with her wanting to have a relationship with others too.

Where does this put me?! Sometimes I think I am poly but I am not sure. I want to be close with any woman I have sex with and don't necessarily want to have sex if some feeling isn't also there. Understand? But yet, I can be attracted to many women. I am not a pervert or anything. I just seem to have a natural attraction to all things feminine. I am trying to sort all this out and at the same time be authentic to others. Although I never experienced the 60s, sometimes I think I would have been a better fit in that culture (LOL).

Well that's my story in a nutshell. Any help or comments appreciated. I look forward to knowing you all.
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  #2  
Old 08-06-2011, 05:38 PM
arrowhead arrowhead is offline
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Well...50 people viewed my post but nobody commented. Did I say something wrong or did my deodorant stop working?
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Old 08-06-2011, 08:31 PM
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Carma Carma is offline
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Welcome, Arrowhead, and I don't smell anything! It's the weekend; maybe people are just busy. I liked your intro. I don't think I could be a swinger, either. I am all about the emotional warm fuzzies! At this point I am in love with my husband and my BF and I don't have any desire to play around with any more.

I left my religion, too, about 4 years ago. I'm in a place I never thought I'd be! I miss the fellowship of my church, and the music especially, but otherwise I am just as happy without religion as I ever was with it.

Congratulations for all the self-examination and discovery. There are lots of like-minded people here on this forum and I hope you will find yourself in good company!
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Old 08-06-2011, 10:20 PM
arrowhead arrowhead is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Carma View Post
I don't think I could be a swinger, either. I am all about the emotional warm fuzzies! At this point I am in love with my husband and my BF and I don't have any desire to play around with any more.
Thank you for commenting Carma. Funny...I really thought I would like swinging. I like the limited few people I met but I there was something about having sex with just anyone that seemed a little impersonal. I am not knocking it though. For many people it works.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Carma View Post
I left my religion, too, about 4 years ago. I'm in a place I never thought I'd be! I miss the fellowship of my church, and the music especially, but otherwise I am just as happy without religion as I ever was with it.
Yeah...strange how that worked. I had so many different feelings about the human body and relationships that went counter to my religion. I just tried to suck it up until a traumatic experience forced me to deal with my unhappiness. I made a list of everything that I was unhappy about and the church stuff covered about 60% of it. I started investigating the causes & came to terms about what I really thought about life and the issues I faced. I started making changes & I haven't looked back since.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Carma View Post
Congratulations for all the self-examination and discovery. There are lots of like-minded people here on this forum and I hope you will find yourself in good company!
That's what I am hoping to find right now - like-minded people. I found the naturist world was an alternative lifestyle. However, poly seems to be even smaller than Naturism. I found that it is important to connect with others and forums like these are invaluable for that.

I think what would help me at the moment is knowing if I'm poly or not. Is there anything out there that could help me answer that question? It seems strange knowing that you are different, but not quite sure where you fit.

This seems to have gone beyond an Introduction. Perhaps it is best if I start a new thread in a different area.
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