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  #11  
Old 08-08-2011, 04:00 PM
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nicothoe nicothoe is offline
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While you may not consider dating another guy, the same may not be true for the other woman. Being open to that possibility can only work to your advantage. By asking to be the only guy, it's as if he is stating that there is a difference between a M-F and F-F relationships. This could be interpreted as:

1) the love between two women is not threatening, because the relationship is not as important as that of a man and a woman
2) I don't want my penis/loving making to compared with another man's penis/loving making

The easy part of being poly is having the freedom to date other people, and to explore new relationships. The difficult part is accepting that you're not the only one who is entitled to that freedom. With a one penis policy, the guy is saying "I want the complete freedom, but I want add limitations to yours".

Although one aspect of a primary relationship involves financial entanglement, there is a danger that a third person can become financially dependent on the couple.
While I appreciate that you provided support out of love, it did inadvertently give you a controlling power over her life (although I suspect she was quite content to take advantage of your generosity). Such power can easily change the dynamic of the relationship. If you decide to pursue this type of relationship again, it is probably prudent to ensure that the woman is more independent, both for her sake and yours.
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  #12  
Old 08-18-2011, 10:39 PM
DaJoshy DaJoshy is offline
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Default sorry ive missed my mark

I am not attracted to other men, I know Clarice also has....for the last 15 years....been interested in other women, but not into guys. This has been pretty straight forward information all along. Im also not looking to date a couple with the idea of taking her away from her boyfriend, so we wont even attempt to do such.

I know its easier to simply point to my insecurities as the reason I would not want to involve another man, and to a point this may be true.
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  #13  
Old 08-18-2011, 10:48 PM
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SNeacail SNeacail is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by DaJoshy View Post
I am not attracted to other men, I know Clarice also has....
Quote:
Im also not looking to date a couple with the idea of taking her away from her boyfriend, so we wont even attempt to do such.
Huh?

Why would you have to date other men, just because one or more of the women you are in a realtionship with want to do so?

Why would dating a couple (or even just a women with a current partner) be seen as "taking" her away from her boyfriend/partner?
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  #14  
Old 08-18-2011, 11:02 PM
DaJoshy DaJoshy is offline
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Originally Posted by SNeacail View Post
Huh?

Why would you have to date other men, just because one or more of the women you are in a realtionship with want to do so?

Why would dating a couple (or even just a women with a current partner) be seen as "taking" her away from her boyfriend/partner?


I guess i like to think that if any woman were to have the opportunity to date me, she would immediatley find me more intriguing than her current situation. I dont have any interest in dating a woman who is happy in her relationship, nor do i wish to be "that guy" that stole her from anyone.

Perhaps it is to be called conceited to think I will be favored so much higher
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  #15  
Old 08-18-2011, 11:05 PM
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SNeacail SNeacail is offline
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I see it as EXTREMELY one sided, hypocritical and unfair, that you get to have two or more partners, but your partners are restricted to only one. Just saying.
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  #16  
Old 08-18-2011, 11:18 PM
ClariceK ClariceK is offline
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You know, it occurs to me that maybe I am not understanding something here. Or maybe others aren't understanding things. We were in a triad, with the three of us being in a relationship. The agreement was that we would be faithful to the three of us. The agreement was also that we would decide as a triad (living together sleeping in the same bed, about as triad as it gets) to include ANYONE else into the relationship. I fond out that she was talking to and having computer sex with someone who she is making plans with to be together (even so far as to spoken about him coming to stay in the area and them not telling hubby and I) who she and he are "saving up their money" to be together secretly while hubby and I financially support her and her 5 year old daughter is suddenly seen as us beign selfish.

Is it selfish for two people who choose monogamy to be upset when they find out the partner they agreed to be monogamous with isn't? Is it considered hypocritical to be upset that we were spending our money to further our "family" and she was saving her money so we would continue to spend ours on her? Maybe I am wrong and we were wrong to assume that someone telling us that they are faithful and loves us is telling the truth.
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  #17  
Old 08-18-2011, 11:28 PM
DaJoshy DaJoshy is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by SNeacail View Post
I see it as EXTREMELY one sided, hypocritical and unfair, that you get to have two or more partners, but your partners are restricted to only one. Just saying.
I think you have it wrong though. In our triad situation, we each had two partners. My wife and I discussed numerous times the idea of bringing another unicorn into our life with her, but if its to be the situation that the unicorn wishes for another male for herself only, I can't see how "fair" that really ends up.
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  #18  
Old 08-18-2011, 11:31 PM
NeonKaos NeonKaos is offline
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It is weird hearing you use the term "monogamy" to describe your triad. To me, this tells a lot about how you view the third partner. Very stereotypically unicorny. The two of you (the "we") plus her.
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  #19  
Old 08-18-2011, 11:31 PM
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SNeacail SNeacail is offline
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I wasn't refering to the cheating, secrets and lies that was going down with your girlfriend, that is absolutely not OK! I was only commenting on DaJoshy's apparent OPP (one penis policy). To me that is hypocritical.
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  #20  
Old 08-18-2011, 11:40 PM
DaJoshy DaJoshy is offline
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Its not hypocritical. Its being honest. Im not into the dudes, the wifes not into the dudes......why do i need the dudes to be "allowed" in my relationship? To make you think higher of me as i send him out for wine over and over again?

I have read a lot of this website, and i understand honesty is not a highly valued asset, but this overwhelming sense of deciding to attack someone for what you determine as wrong is just plain nuts. I hope you can have your own relationships with every penis in the world if thats what you desire, its not for us, so perhaps more progress will be made focusing on something other than your need to include more men in my relationship.


First day i post and im attacked for some weird illusion of "OPP"...sweet website.
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