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Old 08-05-2011, 02:18 AM
NobodySpecial NobodySpecial is offline
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Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 3
Default Nobody special


I suppose one of my greatest difficulties is the usage of categorical labels. I mean, I appreciate having a third option for gender, but even male and female are too convoluted. But what's the alternative? Please enter your genetic sex: XY. Please enter your physical sex: 1 penis, 2 testicles, unmodified. Oops, damn, circumsized. Please check all of the following gender associated stereotype descriptions that fit to you: wth?!

For example, the label "straight" in reference to sexuality. I'm a man. I have zero attraction to men which I attribute to preteen molestation. Yet I cringe at being called straight because it ignores the complexity involved with individual sexuality. I have no desire to be with all women, or even most. It is not a woman's 'femaleness' to which I am attracted, but who she is as a person.

So, acknowledging the simplicity, I recognize that most labels are social constructs. And everyone attaches descriptive meanings differently. And sometimes people get very upset when they feel the way they make sense of everything is being challenged. That's not my intention. I'm just trying to make sense of things for myself, given that I don't have the benefit of polyamory is or monogamy is (but at least I can't be Polier than thou!). I just have people are sexual, and people are emotional. At least I feel I can ask questions in this environment and hope for more positive responses than I might find in a more conservative environment.

I've had some coworker/friends that were self labeled polyamorous. I'm developing a friendship+ at the moment with a woman that describes herself as naturally polyamorous but has been monogamously married 3 times. I personally have been 'true friends with benefits' where I truly cared about and what could be called "loved" her, but did not wish to be exclusive with her (in spite of the fact that I wasn't in a relationship with anyone else at the time, or really want to be) - she ended up getting involved with someone exclusively and I was happy for her and still was friends with her after.

And that may or may not provide some insight into some of my future posts.
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Old 08-06-2011, 10:23 PM
AutumnalTone AutumnalTone is offline
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Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Kansas City Metro
Posts: 2,187

Welcome aboard.
When speaking of various forms of non-monogamy...it ain't poly if you're just fucking around.

While polyamory, open relationships, and swinging are all distinctly different approaches to non-monogamy, they are not mutually exlusive. Folks can, and some do, engage in more than one of them at a time--and it's all good.
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